Christmas Steps

My father told me that children take amazing steps when they are pulled out of their element. Handsome did just that. He did so well with all the family. He clung to me like his life depended on it. At first he didn't let anyone hold him, but after my aunt started kinda sneaking him away from me so that he didn't notice what was happening, he got better with others taking him. As my aunt would say, "Just don't make eye contact." She would stand just next to me with her hands behind her back, turning side to side, whistling as if she were doing nothing, and when Handsome was completely unawares, she would take him and walk away. If he didn't see me then he was fine. As soon as he saw me or heard my voice it was all over.

He is also starting to stand without holding onto anything. He thinks it's hilarious. He will climb up and then let go with both hands, look at us, and then fall down laughing.

Handsome did very well on the airplane. He didn't cry at all. If he started fussing, I would just feed him and he would quiet down or fall asleep.

My aunt got him a walker thing which DH said he walked with this morning.

Handsome seemed very happy the whole time we were there. He just smiled and laughed at everyone. It makes me miss living near my family. I think he would really enjoy being with them more than just at Christmas.

His naps weren't always easy and he was up every three hours at night, but overall he slept well.

Today is my anniversary so I'm making this entry short. Tomorrow starts the marathon working. I'm not sure I'll be able to see my son or my husband much during the next week.

Yay for vacations and boo for work.

Work?

Work? You want me to work today? Seriously?

I have three hours before I'm gone for vacation for a week and a half and I can't seem to get any work done. I desperately need to, but I just can't seem to do anything. I want to go on vacation NOW!!

I'm going to be so far behind when I return, but I am surprisingly unstressed about that right now.

Yellow Bathwater

When Handsome takes his bath, the water will inevitably make him pee. I gave up caring a while ago. Usually he will pee in his diaper when the water is running, but before I put him in the water. Even when this happens, he will wait until I've finished washing him to pee once again in water. I don't know how he has so much water in him.

Anyway, a couple days ago, I was holding him standing in the water and he peed. Of course, normally when he pees, he doesn't really notice, but this time it made a noise as it splashed in the water. He looked down at himself peeing and seemed so proud of himself. When he finished he looked up at me like, "How cool was that? Can we do that again?" I told him I had no power over that and sat him down in the slightly yellow water.

Yes, it sounds gross, but I used soap. I was not about to refill the entire bathtub again. He'd just pee in the new bathwater.

Crying it out?

So DH and I got in an argument. It all started because Handsome wouldn't go to sleep. I bathed him, lotioned him, clothed him, lullabied him, fed him, and put him to bed. During the whole process he was rubbing his eyes and resting his head on my shoulder. He was obviously tired.

Usually he goes to sleep easily, but last night was one of those that didn't go so easily. As soon as I put him down on the mattress he started wailing. After a few wails though, it waned to a whimper as he turned over and started crawling to the side of the crib. Occasionally he will fall asleep after this initial crying so I left him in his room and went to my room to fold the clothes. I was away long enough to hang up between 5 and 10 shirts. It couldn't have been more than 2-5 minutes.

I went back, picked him up and calmed him down. Once he was calm, and had his head down, I put him back in his crib. He started crying again so I left him once more to give him a chance to calm himself down again. Of course he didn't stop crying, so once again after about 10 shirts I went to pick him up. This time I rocked and hummed until he actually fell asleep.

I was about to lay him down when I hear DH on the phone downstairs. His voice carries like no other so of course it woke Handsome up and he started wailing again. BOO!!! I put Handsome down to go downstairs and tell DH to go to the basement. I was frazzled, so I yelled at DH, so things went downhill.

I gave Handsome another chance to fall asleep on his own and went to fold a few more shirts. DH got off the phone and came upstairs, got Handsome out of bed, and asked me why I would force Handsome to go to bed if he wasn't tired. Grrr. Handsome WAS tired! DH was afraid he was sick and so he thought letting Handsome cry would just make things worse. I finally convinced DH that Handsome was tired so DH went and laid down with Handsome until he fell asleep and put him in his crib.

After DH came downstairs we talked about it. He was upset because I yelled and I was upset that he woke up Handsome after I finally got him to sleep. We decided that neither one of us wants Handsome to do the crying it out method, but a few minutes will help him learn how to fall asleep on his own. We decided that our max was 5 minutes - depending on the type of cry that we heard. Don't know how hard and fast this rule is, but at least we came to some sort of agreement.

Even though I wasn't happy that DH went to pick up Handsome when I thought I had the situation under control, I was happy to see how much DH cared about Handsome. He looked really hurt and worried that Handsome was crying.

Hopefully Handsome goes back to sleeping well again. I'm kind of afraid of how he will sleep when we travel to Texas for Christmas. I don't know how he's going to do sleeping in a different house. He's never slept anywhere other than at our house.

My Poor Pooper

I have to learn how not to laugh. It's horrible really that I would see someone else's pain as funny. I know I need to do better or my son is one day going to really hate me.

Yesterday I was sitting on the floor with Handsome as he was crawling around in his Santa suit (nothing else was clean). He climbed on the first step and then then grabbed the bottom banister so he could stand up. I was watching him to see if he would fall, and as I was watching, all of the sudden his face started crunching up and he started to cry. It was a serious cry. I didn't know what was happening because he hadn't fallen. I looked at the pole and felt it to make sure there wasn't anything sharp on there, and then I looked back at his face. He was looking at me with a look of , "Mommy, PLEASE help me!" And then I noticed a hard long grunt mixed in with his serious cry. My poor Handsome was trying to poop and it was painful!

I didn't know what to do! I didn't think picking him up would help because I wouldn't want anyone to pick me up while I was in the process of pooping. So I held him just under his arms as he stood there, grunting, and crying with tears rolling down his little face.

Yes, I know I'm a horrible person because after I realized why he was crying, I couldn't stop laughing! I held him as close as I could mostly so that I could hide my face behind his head and he couldn't see me laughing. His crying was just so sudden as if he had just fallen, so it must have been an instant urge to push. His little face was all red and tears were falling and he would take breaks between cries to push.

Once his sobs quieted down a little and he seemed to stop pushing, I picked him up all the way and put his little head to my shoulder. I seriously need to find something with a lot of fiber to make the process easier for him. When I changed his diaper there was just a little there and it didn't seem too hard. It was certainly stinky, but I don't think stink makes it hard to push. He did start to cry again when I wiped his little bohiney. Fiber. We need fiber.

Da, Da, Da, Ba, Ba, Ba

So unfair. How come the M sound has to be more difficult than the D or B? DH is of course ecstatic that Handsome is now calling his name - either Dada or Baba will do. There is no Mama. But I still don't think it counts that he's calling DH's name because he doesn't know what he's saying. He has to KNOW before it counts. Right? Or am I just making excuses so that I'm not sad he can't say my name?

We attempted to go to the gym last night. We hadn't been in a couple weeks and it was 7:30pm. You can see the disastrous scenario right? We got there and just sat him down in his little car seat and he started screaming. Nothing would do. DH stood with him for about 10 minutes so that I could work out for a little bit, but we left shortly thereafter. We HAVE to go to the gym more often. We haven't been going because my schedule changed so that the only time we could go is when Handsome is tired and cranky, plus now I'm afraid of him getting the flu from the other kids if we did go. I'm getting the feeling that Handsome is not going to let any of my family hold him over Christmas. That will be a bummer.

Ga Ga Ga

You know what the most beautiful sound is? "ga ga ga ga.." I LOVE that sound. Yesterday Handsome decided to start babbling with "ga ga ga" and "ba ba ba." It's so cute! It looks like he is finally starting to understand some things and like he is actually trying to say something. He makes the sound by basically sticking his tongue between his lips and closing his mouth. Too cute. He's going to hate me for saying this one day, but he makes his mouth so wide that he looks like a little cow sticking it's tongue out. So cute!!

The other day I came home and DH was holding Handsome. Handsome was crying. I sat down next to DH and took Handsome and he stopped crying. I know it shouldn't make me feel good, but I was so happy that he would stop crying when I took him. Sometimes I feel like he's going to hate me since I leave him to go to work everyday. It just made me feel good that he still knows who I am and wants me to hold him.

Only 7 days left until I leave for Christmas vacation!! Yay!!!

Sweet Potatoes for Seven Months

We have success! We fed him sweet potatoes today and he loved them! He was actually smiling and talking and asking for more food. He seems to understand that the spoon brings food too.

He turns 7 months today! It came so fast.

Standing poop

Ok, I know it's a bad title for the post, but it was funny so I went with it.

On Dec 6, Thur, Handsome had two more milestones. They seem to be coming with lightening speed.

First of all, since he has been eating his squash I knew the poop would change. Well, on Thur he had is first real poop. Luckily DH got to change the diaper! ;)

The second milestone came with his climbing. He normally will grab onto something low so that he can halfway stand up and then grab something a little higher to stand all the way up. Well on Thur, he was climbing on my legs and got to the halfway mark where he was holding onto me and standing on his knees. Then he got to his feet and straightened up to grab onto something higher and there was nothing to grab onto! So he stood there, on his feet, with his hands in the air, staring at me with the most confused look on his face. After a few seconds he realized that there was nothing to hold onto so he sat down, still confused with what had just happened. I called DH into the room, but of course Handsome wouldn't do it again. But still, he stood up all on his own without holding onto anything!!! He's also starting to walk from one corner to the next while holding onto the coffee table. He only gets a few steps before he trips over himself and falls down, but it's definite progress!

We still don't have much of the "baba" or "mama" and I'm kinda bummed about it. He is still in love with the screeching, grunting, and raspberry sounds. Occasionally he looks like he's trying to say something and kinda grunts with a pattern, but all the books claim that he's supposed to be repeating syllables now. I know that every child develops differently, and I expected him to be late with talking since he has two languages coming at him, but I thought I would at least get a "mama" since that is the same in both languages. Plus right now he wouldn't be making actual words as much as just practicing different sounds.

Handsome turns 7 months tomorrow! It's going so fast.

Standing squash

Two events happened yesterday.

Event number one happened in Handsome's crib. When I went to pick him up in the morning, he was standing. Fully standing. Usually he will stand on his knees, or when he stands on his feet, it'll be kinda hunched over. Well, yesterday morning it was a full, sturdy stand which planted his chest above the top railing of his crib. So of course we had to lower the level of his mattress in his crib.

Event number two was that Handsome got a new food! For the past two weeks he's had a serving of rice cereal or oatmeal each day. Or perhaps I should say that his bib has had a serving of rice cereal or oatmeal each day. He still will barely eat any of the cereal. It's better, but he still won't eat more than about an ounce. I'd heard that some babies never really like rice cereal, so I decided to try a new food. So I bought some butternut squash, baked it and stuck it in the food processor. It was the first time I had ever tasted butternut squash, and it was actually pretty good. It tasted a little like sweet potato. He actually opened his mouth for the squash on the first try. I think he was intrigued by the orange color. The first look on his face was one of pure disgust. He moved the squash around in his mouth for a while, but then he swallowed it! I brought more to his face, and he opened his mouth and had the exact same reaction. I got about four spoonfuls in before he decided he didn't want to eat anymore. He did seem to like the squash better than the rice. Even though he never gave a good face, he ate more of the squash than of the rice cereal.

So when exactly will he actually start to want to eat from the spoon? I keep reading that some babies are eating jars full of food by this age, and yet Handsome is really uninterested in it.

Hospital

Remember my friend who almost ended up in the hospital? Well, she finally landed in the emergency room this weekend. They let her go, but she may have to return today for a longer stay if her lungs haven't cleared up.

Her sister had to take her kids for the weekend because apparently her husband couldn't watch them while she rested.

Grr.

My Friend

Remember my friend whose husband cheated on her? They decided to definitely get a divorce.

And then do you know what happened? She got bronchitis and pneumonia and almost ended up in the hospital.

Her husband's response? "How much is this going to cost me?"

Honestly God, sometimes I just don't understand.

Crazy Busy

Things have been crazy busy lately. Even as I type, Handsome is trying his darnedest to climb over my legs and get to the computer on the other side. He is so fast and can get into just about anything now. If you turn away for two seconds his hand is in the VCR or he had crawled behind the couch and out of sight.

Work is horrible. I have too much work to do in not enough time. Most of that is my fault though because I should have done all the work before now, I just haven't had the motivation, and now I'm in trouble with all the work I have to do. I told my boss I was unhappy, and he consoled me and then proceeded to tell another boss. Great. At least when my production sucks I can tell him that I warned him.

I gave Handsome about an ounce of water in a bottle just to see what he would do. He was a little shocked by the taste at first, but then he was just happy I would allow him to carry his bottle around. Since crawling requires all four limbs, he would either crawl a few steps and then push the bottle forward, or - and this is the one I am most impressed with - he would set the bottle up, to where the nipple is upwards, and then carry the bottle in his mouth as he crawled. Just now he is laying on his back, chewing on the bottle and growling at me. :) Too cute.

He is into laughing lately. If you repeat certain sounds he will just crack up and laugh forever. It's so great. I wonder if I prayed long enough, he would continue this through puberty. Wouldn't that be great? Here comes your 16 year old son with a grumpy look on his face, "What did you do in school today?" "Nothing." "How is everything?" "Fine." And just when the brick wall of non-communication seems strongest, you say "WEE!!!" and he laughs uncontrollably until he can't laugh anymore and then he starts talking to you. It should be a parent's superpower. Well, I'll keep praying anyway.

Both DH and I have been super stressed lately. We both need Christmas vacation to be here soon.

I don't understand

I don't understand. I got a call from my friend a few minutes ago. She was sitting at a family dinner when her husband got a call. She went to get his phone for him and it said, "Jill's phone." She handed the phone to him and he walked outside to answer it. When the in-laws had left for the evening, she asked him who Jill was. He said, "What do you want me to say?"

This is not the first time that this has happened. The last time he was having an affair with a woman that he worked with, and this time it is the same situation, different job, different girl. The last time they separated for a while, but she forgave him and came back. This time she may not forgive.

I don't understand. Why would you do that to your wife and two children? Three people who desperately love you and want to be with you and still you look for a relationship outside. And to be completely honest, my friend is hot. She's beautiful even after having two children. She eats well, exercises and still buys the smallest size on the rack. She gives him everything a man could want.

And yet he looks outside his house. His family life sucked so I'm sure that's part of it, but it's no excuse for the way he is treating her or treating his children. I truly believe that he still loves her and his children, but he's stupid. Stupid. He's an ignorant a**. I will not call him that to his face or anywhere else - except for here - out of respect for his wife and children, but that's how I feel. He's an a**. He doesn't realize that he has everything right now.

She said he started crying after they discussed him moving out of the house. He had all the power in the world to avoid those tears. If he had focused on the family that he had instead of looking elsewhere then there would be no tears.

So what is the right thing to do? Do you stay in the marriage because it's a marriage? Or do you walk away because you have to respect yourself and teach your children to demand respect from the people in their lives? I'm not a big fan of divorce, but I just can't believe that the right thing to do in this case would be to stay in a relationship where you don't trust the person that you are with and he continues to throw it in your face and disrespect you.

And now after almost ten years of marriage and two children, my friend is likely to be a single mother.

I don't understand. Don't understand.

Handsome's favorite song

Handsome has a favorite song. He can be screaming bloody murder and nothing works to calm him down except for this song. Don't have any idea why he likes it, but my goodness does he ever love this song. And as a result, this is my new favorite song of all time:

Up on the housetop reindeer pause,
Out jumps good old Santa Claus.
Down thru the chimney with lots of toys,
All for the little ones, Christmas joys.
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go.
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go!
Up on the housetop, click, click, click.
Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick.

Bathtime

Do you know what Handsome was doing during his bath time last night? Crawling. He refused to lay still for his bath, so I had to follow him with the soap to attempt to get him clean. This is definitely going to complicate bath time. Any ideas on how to keep him at least sitting still? I had a toy for him to hold, but that didn't seem to help anything.

Sleeping problems

For the past two days Handsome has been on a small sleeping strike. I think he caught my cold. He's been grumpy for two days straight. Whether you hold him or let him crawl he's going to be calm for a little while and then start fussing. Even all the tried and true methods of making him smile wouldn't work.

On Saturday Handsome was finally taking a nap around 6pm and of course he pooped all over the place. This woke him up earlier than he was naturally ready to wake up - again adding to the grumpiness. Then we had to wash the sheets (the extra was also waiting to be washed) and couldn't put him back to bed until they finished washing and drying. This means we couldn't put him to bed until 9pm.

I fed him and put him to bed. 20 minutes later he was screaming. I went to soothe him to sleep again and when I opened the door he was holding on the railing and standing on his knees. I walked him, patting his back, for a while and laid him back down. 30 minutes later he was screaming again. This time DH went to pick him up. He gave him a bottle and actually rocked him until he fell asleep at 11pm. That time he finally stayed asleep for a longer period.

Normally he wakes up in the morning around 9am. On Sunday he woke up at 7am. I got up to feed him and then he wouldn't go back to sleep again. As I also have the same cold he does, I was missing my sleep. I kinda cheated at this point to get more sleep. If I left his bedroom, Handsome would start crying, but he seemed to be ok with me just sitting on the extra bed in his room. So I left him in his crib with his little fabric blocks and climbing on the sides of his crib, and I laid down on the queen sized bed and nodded off to sleep. I did manage to wake up when he pulled the mobile of his bed off. I removed it completely from his crib and laid back down.

Screaming commenced two hours later, so I got up and faced the day. He managed to take one longish nap and did go to bed yesterday without much of a fuss. Hopefully we are over the hump and he will go back to his normal sleeping pattern.

I think I'm spoiled with how easily Handsome sleeps. On a typical day he goes to bed at 8pm after I've bathed a fed him. When I put him in his crib he's not actually asleep so he talks to himself for a little while until he falls asleep about 30min later. Then he's up around 5am when I feed him, and goes back to sleep immediately. He wakes up for the day around 9am, and then naps around 11am four about two hours and then again around 3pm for two or three hours. Now granted of all those hours, he's probably awake at least two or three of them just playing in his crib, but he's at least content and will actually start crying if you interrupt his "me" time.

Soild food

I fed Handsome his first solid food today. It's interesting that they call it solid food. There was nothing solid about it. It seemed a bit like orange juice with the pulp. I mixed the organic rice cereal with breast milk like they said to do, and even added a little more rice cereal, b/c it just didn't seem like enough.

I sat him in the Bumbo on the kitchen floor, set up my video camera, and pried DH from his studies. And then I attempted to spoon feed Handsome. I have to preface this story with the fact that Handsome will put absolutely everything in his mouth. So I put the spoon to his mouth, he gave me a disgusted look and proceeded to spit everything out. He looked none-too-pleased with the whole process. I could just picture him saying, "Mom, what in the world are you doing?!" I kept trying to feed him and the majority of the food ended up on his chin and shirt. In fact after the first few spoonfuls, he wouldn't even open his mouth for the spoon anymore.

So I gave up. DH suggested we try the bottle, so we put it in a bottle. At first I tried to give it to him sitting up, and he wouldn't do much with it. I laid him down across my lap and then he tasted it and repeated the disgusted look. After a while though, he did manage to finish the three ounces that I had prepared. He was much better with the food in the bottle, but I don't think I'm supposed to give it to him that way. I'll try again tomorrow and see what happens.

Should I try the oatmeal variety instead? Would he perhaps like that better? Or should I continue with the same thing for a week just to get him used to it?

I remember being told that the majority of the first meal would end up on him instead of in him, but I thought we could manage a little more than what he got. He did manage to get a bath out of it and he loves his baths. I even let him sit this time and just held him in case he lost his balance. He was very excited.

On a side note, I have a cold. Boo. I hate colds. I went to the grocery store today and bought orange juice... and cookies. Both make me feel better. I'm washing my hands like a madwoman in the hopes that Handsome doesn't get sick.

Doctor's Appointment

Handsome's six month doctor's appointment was on Tuesday (11/13). His stats:

• 16 pounds 12 ounces (48%)
• 25.5 inches (25%)
• ~17 inches (75%) (his head circumference; I can't remember the exact measurement, but I remember the percentage)

She said he was doing really well. He is apparently slightly ahead of the curve as far as motor skills go. He is actually crawling and starting to pull up and this is a little early for that. She told me to buy Aquaphor for his dry skin and said she didn't know about the safety of any particular hair product (had to ask since his hair is getting wild).

Whenever the doctor came in and laid him down, he was ok at first just looking at her. And then he tried to turn over and she wouldn't let him because she needed to listen to his heart. He wasn't too happy with that so the screaming began. Whenever I picked him up he was ok, but after that he just wouldn't be happy with the doctor holding him. Another time we had to put him down on his back again and when she let him turn over and start crawling he was ok. Maybe he just feels more in control of things when he can crawl away.

He got four shots and of course screamed through the whole thing. Again, as soon as I could pick him up, he was ok.

The doctor HIGHLY recommended that we get the flu shot for him, but I declined. I don't know if I should have. I've done a lot of research on it and I still don't know what to do.

Reasons for getting the flu shot:

• It can save his life if he would have otherwise gotten the flu - can be deadly for infants.
• Don't have to worry about leaving him at the gym with other children.
• Don't have to worry about travelling to Texas on a plane with a bunch of potentially sick people.
• Very few known cases of actual adverse reactions to the flu shot.
• I would feel VERY guilty if he ended up with the flu and I didn't get the shot for him.
• I ride the train and DH goes to school so we could bring the virus home.
• Texas has been reported as having a few flu outbreaks.

Reasons for not getting the flu shot:

• The shot has been shown to be less than 40% effective in infants even if the correct strains of the flu were chosen for the shot.
• The shot is very likely to contain mercury, and the levels could be in toxic levels.
• No one has tested long term effects of getting the shot.
• No one states why six months is the youngest age to get the shot.
• He has to get two shots a month apart just to make the vaccination somewhat effective.
• It is effective two weeks after the last shot which wouldn't protect him for the trip to Texas anyway.
• He stays at home all day so he's not around other children or people often.
• He is breastfed.
• The protection provided from the vaccine is only temporary.
• Don't know if he is allergic to eggs.
• Only started being recommended for six month olds three years ago and no reason stated for this except that the flu is deadly for the young.
• The state we live in has not been reported to have any outbreaks of the flu.

I don't know why this decision has to be so difficult. I just hate putting something in his body that could possibly harm him with very few benefits.

What should I do?!

Not so limited mobility

Well, Handsome is moving around even better these days. His crawl is now a bona fide crawl. His favorite spots seem to be the VCR, the small speaker wire on the bottom stair, and the coffee table with all its attractions. He will start crawling to the VCR and once he gets just within arms reach, he will lay down on his stomach, reach his hand out and simultaneously look back at me to see if I am watching. Sometimes I'll even get the smile when he sees that I am indeed watching him. When he's done smiling, his hand goes into the VCR so that he can hear the coveted noise that it will make when the door opens and shuts.

Then a couple days ago I heard him awaken from his nap, and went to get him from his crib and found his new talent. He had reached above the bumper and was holding onto the crib's railing - again laughing at me as I caught him in the act. Seeing as he is now starting to pull himself up - at least to his knees - on whatever he can climb on, I think it is now time to lower the crib mattress so that he doesn't climb out of the crib a little earlier than he can truly handle.

And with all this mobility, do you know what he STILL won't do? Sit. The boy refuses to sit. If you sit him in front of the TV and make no other noises, then he will remain seated and watch TV for a little while. Other than that, he refuses to sit still. I think he knows how to sit, he is just unwilling to do so. He would much rather be crawling and getting into something new. Now when you sit him on his little hiney, he will immediately lean forward, get onto his hands and knees and start crawling.

Smokey Bones

Last night we decided to go out to eat BBQ. Mmm... BBQ. This is the first time that we've taken Handsome out to eat at a sit down restaurant. I figured he turned six months on Friday so we should start attempting to take him out.

Well, things didn't start off well so I kinda wanted to scrap the whole idea. Handsome woke up at about 2:30pm and then I told DH that I was going to feed him and then we should go. That way we would be at the restaurant before the big crowds got there and before Handsome got cranky from being hungry or being tired. He said fine, but he wanted to finish his homework and bathe before we left. I knew disaster was upon us at that time. Even if I could wait, you can't really tell Handsome to please not get cranky from being tired and hungry.

We were out of our door just after 4pm and standing in the restaurant by 4:30pm. If you look at the time that Handsome woke up and was fed, then you will recognize that we had about one hour before his crankiness would begin.

The restaurant was already busy, so we had to wait in the foyer until our little buzzer went off. Handsome was in his carrier - which he is normally fine in - and after standing there for a little while, he started crying. I picked him up and he was ok. After about a 30 minute wait, we were seated. I held him in my lap the whole time because he was already tired and wouldn't have anything else. He played with the cardboard coasters until the food came and then as soon as the food came he started crying. Hoping that he was just hungry, but still knowing otherwise, I put on my handy-dandy bib-ish thing and fed him.

When he finished eating, he was better, but still not too happy. He was satisfied enough to just sit in my lap, suck his thumb and try to grab anything he could on the table. By the time the bill came, he was done and needed to be asleep.

Overall it wasn't too bad. He was mostly happy and didn't scream louder than the crowd at the restaurant.

The best part of the evening was the food. MMMMmmm. It was SOO good! I love BBQ. I'm going back as soon as we can find money to go again.

And as a side note, I did cry on Friday, when Handsome turned six months old. It wasn't for long, but that's just because I don't like to cry. I can't believe he's already six months old. He now has two teeth (the bottom front left one came in about two days after the bottom front right one) and his crawling is looking more and more like true crawling and he gets anywhere he wants to go.

When we were at the restaurant, one of the waitresses looked at him, said he was cute, and was laughing saying it looked like he just got out of bed. I HAVE to figure out how to tame the curls. For a while they tamed themselves, but now we are entering the wild stage. I just don't know what chemicals are safe to put on his little head. I'll ask the doctor on Tuesday.

Houston, we have teeth.

It is official: Handsome is teething. On Sunday I told DH, "Look, the front bottom part of Handsome's mouth looks a little white and Handsome has been chewing on his tongue a lot lately. I think he's starting to teethe." He said no, Handsome is not teething. Ok.

Then on Monday I get a call from DH when I'm at work that says, "Handsome is teething!"

The front bottom right tooth has already pushed through the gums and the front bottom tooth on the left is almost there. They are so tiny!! I remember baby teeth being small, but these look much smaller than I remember. It's so cute!

I'm waiting for the time when he's going to start biting me while nursing. He hasn't done it yet but I'm sure it is to come soon. All the other terrible things that are supposed to come with teething haven't come yet. I know they are on the horizon, but so far he's doing ok. He doesn't seem to be slobbering any more than normal, he is still sleeping as much as before and doesn't seem any more cranky than before.

Scratch and sniff

Does anyone else's child scratch everything? No matter where Handsome is he wants to scratch whatever he can. He can be falling asleep and still scratching the mattress. His poor little nails seem to be bent back down in the quick and that can't be comfortable, but no matter how short I make his nails, the same thing happens.

You know what I love about the age that Handsome is at right now? I love the fact that he will smile about anything. All I really have to do is smile at him and he will unabashedly smile back at me. He will laugh as soon as I laugh. Can I skip the teenager years? Or just skip the rebellious part of the teenager years? I'm a big fan of the innocent smiles.

Handsome turns 6 months in four days. I can't believe he's already so old. It goes so fast! When I was pregnant, I thought as soon as he's 6 months I must have everything figured out and be used to being a mother. Now I'm not sure that point will ever come.

One more day

One more day until I can nurse Handsome. Last night I gave him a bottle for the first time. I've been refusing to give him a bottle because I don't want him to associate the bottle with me because I'm supposed to be the one who nurses him. But when last night came and it was time to put him to bed I didn't want to miss our time together again so I broke down and gave him the bottle. I was glad to be able to feed him again and it was close to restoring our bond, but it's not the same as nursing him.

I had originally planned to start nursing Handsome again on Friday morning when he wakes up, but now I want to start tonight. I took the medicine on Monday evening so tonight would be three days. The oral medication equivalent of what I took takes five to six days to leave your system and I took the topical version. The LLL teacher of the group that I go to looked up the medication that I took and it was rated as a risk of 2 (with 1 being safe and 5 being unsafe). I guess I will wait until Friday morning, but what I miss most is the feeding right before I put Handsome to bed. It just seems like there is such an intimacy with that feeding. He is calm and tired and trusting. When I finish feeding him and lift him up to burp him, he lays his head down right next to my neck and sucks his thumb. If I could let him sleep like that all night I would.

Either way, I get to feed him tomorrow morning. Yay!

Baby Poop

Handsome is still on his pooping strike. There was one day where he seemed to be pushing a lot, but other than that he hasn't been grumpy because of his strike. I got advice from a friend that if I took his temperature rectally then it could stimulate him to poop.

So I tried it last night and it worked! I set him down on the kitchen floor - where it is easy to clean - and took his temperature. He was holding his toes so his legs were up in the air, making the process much easier. He didn't seem to notice the fact that I was taking his temperature at all. I took his temp once and nothing happened, so I took his temp again and got a foul smelling fart. Ick. I thought that was all, but then he pooped! It wasn't much, but it was something and it means the method worked.

I can't believe I work here...

My office has a newsletter that comes out every week. It is supposed to talk about the important things happening at the office and sometimes a little something "fun" is thrown in there. The quotes are to compensate for the fact that what some consider fun, others consider serious, and still others consider downright odd. So here's the article (edited to protect the "innocent"):

Mustache Wednesday Observed at Work

Two weeks ago, 38 employees, including women, proudly flaunted real or fake mustaches in observance of Mustache Wednesday at work. From stylishly groomed to eccentric mustaches, participating employees paraded their mustaches around campus.

The annual observance was started three years ago by clean shaven employee Doofus #1, Doofus #2, Doofus #3, and Doofus #4 from Area 51. Instead of shaving daily during the end of the fiscal year, the four bolstered their end of the year production by writing Office Actions.

Mustache Wednesday has grown from an idea shared between four friends to an annual campus-wide observance for employees focused on finishing the fiscal year with strong year-end results. Female Doofus, in 2006, was the first female employee to wear a fake mustache.

I can't even believe that I work in this office. The issue is that they are serious. They really buy into this. My office is promoting leaving your personal hygiene behind in favor of getting more work done. This really goes above and beyond. I don't even know what to say anymore. I am speechless.

Failure

I feel like a failure.

I got this stupid infection and now I can't nurse my son. The OB/GYN that I don't trust told me that I had an infection and gave me a topical medicine that she said could be taken while breastfeeding without any problems. Well, honestly SHE told me that I had no infection. Then a few days later, the nurse calls me and says, "By the way, you have this infection. Would you like the topical or oral medication?" I asked the nurse if it was ok to take while breastfeeding and she said it was fine. Would have been nice if the doctor would have been available to answer questions.

So I get the medication and as I'm reading the little insert I notice a special section to women who are nursing. There are two paragraphs. The first states that no specific studies have been done, and the second states that there have been "serious adverse reactions" in breastfeeding infants. Right. What mother in her right mind is going to just take the medicine without questioning at that point?

The insert also says not to use condoms for five days following taking the medicine because it will reduce the integrity of the latex, or whatever barrier used. Great. So there is this medicine that can eat through plastics that I'm supposed to stick up my vajayjay and then breastfeed my baby.

So as suggested by a Pea, I called the pediatrician to get their opinion. They read through a list of medications and said that it was fine. When I probed further they said that the list stated that the medicine had not been fully tested for its effects on breastfed infants, but there had been no adverse reactions reported. Right. They said that all medicinal inserts added warnings like that because it saved their behind (she of course didn't state it exactly like that).

So I took all the advice that I was given and decided that I was going to take the medicine and feed Handsome with the breast milk we have saved up in the freezer for four days. That way the medicine should be out of my bloodstream by the time I am feeding him again.

I took the medicine about 30 minutes ago and now I feel incomplete. I feel like something has been taken away from me. The stupid doctors took away the bond that I have with my son. For almost six months I have breastfed my son every day and now I can't. I didn't realize how attached I was to breastfeeding until now.

I don't know if I can bring myself to feeding him a bottle. I don't feel like I'm supposed to feed him a bottle. It feels like he's going to look at me like I'm withholding from him - almost like I don't love him anymore, like I don't want to be as close to him as I have been for five months.

This is so uncool.

I miss my son. I just breastfed him an hour ago and I already miss him and our bond.

I feel like a failure.

Nervous

Has anyone else been nervous to meet his/her own child? I don't mean nervous while pregnant to see who will be born, because I understand and went through that. I mean nervous to meet the personality that will soon be blooming in their child. I admit that I'm nervous.

Right now I can do no wrong in his eyes. So long as I feed him, allow him to crawl, and occasionally make a funny noise he loves me. A day will come in the not so distant future when my son starts to question me and test me. The testing doesn't bother me too much because I know it is necessary, but what worries me is what if our personalities don't mesh? What if he just has some aversion to me? It's worse than unrequited love.

I love him more than life itself.

Gone are the days of yore

Yesterday two milestones happened.

Milestone #1: We took down Handsome's swing. He has grown out of it. He's too mobile and too heavy. Now there is nothing to contain him except his crib. I already miss the days of easy containment, and the second milestone will show why.

Milestone #2: As we were taking down Handsome's swing we had our backs turned to him for mere seconds. In those seconds, Handsome managed to crawl over to DH's coffee and pull the cup towards him spilling the coffee all over the carpet and Handsome. As soon as I saw it, I picked up Handsome as fast as I could and made sure that the coffee wasn't still hot. It was actually cold and I'm sure if it was still hot then cries would have let us know. We cleaned Handsome and the carpet knowing all the while that this was the first incident of many to come. I think Handsome was proud of himself for reaching the coffee. When I turned to see him at the coffee he was just looking at me with his hand still on the mug. I guess that's better than the days when he will hide his hand covered in permanent marker saying, "It wasn't me mommy!"

Break Down

Well, I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when it was going to come. Yesterday it just hit.


Last week I got so frustrated at work that I was just cussing at everyone and everything. I couldn't find what I wanted to and I felt like the world had the odds stacked against me. I can't have the schedule that I can get things done with, I have a new boss that is obsessed with quality forgetting that we have limited time to do things, and I don't have the "pipeline" of work stored up so that I can get a few easy counts. That day I actually had a higher ranking employee do part of my job for me because I just couldn't find what I needed and he wouldn't take it as I had it. It was horrible and I felt horrible.


That night I decided that I was going to be ok and face the following day with resolve to do better and feel better. And I did. The next day was good. Mostly it was good because I didn't care anymore. I basically just gave up. Why stress about getting things done if it is impossible?


Then came yesterday morning. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to face the world. I just wanted to lay in bed and cry and sleep all day. My head was pounding and my stomach was threatening to explode. So I called in sick and went back to bed, hoping that when I woke up my head would calm down and my stomach would settle. Handsome woke me up at 9:30am and I went to feed him. I took him downstairs and ate breakfast while he played on the blanket. Two hours later when he was tired I put him down for a nap and went back to bed. I just wanted to cry. My head was filled with the pressure that only stress can cause and my stomach was no better. I slept until Handsome started crying again. DH met me in Handsome's room and actually told me to go back to sleep and he would take Handsome. So I slept for a couple more hours.


DH and I talked about what I could do to make things better. The problem is that there are so few things that can be done to fix this. Basically what I have resolved to do is suppress my perfectionist tendencies. I am given a limited time frame with which to get things done, so I REALLY can't afford to spend days working on things that I have only been given hours to complete.


I want to be a SAHM so much that it is eating me up inside. Why should I spend hours a day at work focusing on unimportant things, when my son is at home growing and changing every day? I understand that some women need to have their own lives away from their children and feel like they are providing for them. Currently I have no need for that. I want five years at home with my son and then as soon as he is in school I will happily return to work. Until then everyday I feel terrible that I can't stay at home with my Handsome.

Freckle

Handsome is getting a freckle. It's right above his right eyebrow. I have mixed feelings about the freckle.

First of all, I thought I was going to be able to avoid freckles with him. I have freckles all over me including some rather loud and obnoxious ones. Seeing as his father has zero freckles, I was hoping that Handsome would take after his father. Apparently my propensity towards freckles is just too strong a trait. At five months and one week, the first freckle showed up for Handsome.

At first I thought that the freckle was actually just some sort of smudge, but even the all-powerful cleaning effects of a mother's spit couldn't remove the smudge. Then I thought it would be gone after his bath that night. Alas, the smudge remained and was reclassified as a freckle.

It is barely noticeable, but it almost looks like someone tried to dub him a married Indian woman and missed the target by a little. I'm hoping that either it remains light like it is now, or his skin continues to get a little darker so that they meet as the same color, or that he gets a handful more freckles so that he doesn't have just one lone freckle.

So now Handsome has my ears and my freckle. I hope he gets DH's sight and my hearing.

I wonder how many freckles he will end up with.

Baby Stats

Handsome's hands are still too short to reach over the top of his head. I always thought this was pretty funny. I wonder when they become long enough to touch eachother.

He is also starting to become rather efficient at his scooting/falling/crawling technique. He can get to just about anything he wants.

He pooped today! Yay! He's gone about five days with nothing, so this is an accomplishment. And let me tell you he worked HARD for that poo today. He strained and grunted, his face turned red, and his eyes watered. I've never laughed so hard as I did as he was trying to poo. And all we got was a little bitty puddle of yellow. But we were darn glad to see that puddle.

Renaissance Festival

Yesterday we went to the Renaissance Festival. Handsome did so well! He laughed and smiled at everyone. I did fairly well myself. You know what I did? I nursed Handsome in public! Yay!! Go Me!! I've had this cover from my sister in law for quite a while that I've never figured out how to use, but I brought it with me in case I was there long enough for Handsome to get hungry. Well, he got hungry, and I just put this cover on - basically a rectangular piece of cloth with a string at the top that ties two corners of the rectangle together - and fed him underneath it. Yay! He ate and no one seemed to notice or care. I felt so accomplished. I did however have some help from Bitter by handing her my breast pad at the beginning and handing her Handsome when I needed to resituate everything. So thanks to Bitter!

What did I do at the festival? I ate. Mmm. I got a BBQ sandwich - known as a pork pocket - and french fries and fried green beans and peanut butter chocolate pie. Mmm. And when I got home DH had cooked dinner for me. Minus AF showing up, it was a darn good day.

It's a scoot!

Last night I was sitting on the blanket with Handsome and he was doing his normal push-ups on hands and toes. I was shaking his little toy in front of him to see if he would be able to crawl forward. Usually he just falls backward when he wants to move forward. This time I noticed that he was able to reach the toy, but it didn't really click as to what had just happened yet. He did it a couple more times and then I started wondering, how is he reaching the toy every time? Am I putting it too close to him? So I started paying more attention and he was moving forward every time!!! Somehow he figured out how to kind of fall forward instead of falling backward. Then he would kinda scoot on the floor like an army man in training. I was so proud of him!!! He seemed so proud of himself every time he reached the toy. He'd grab it and then look up at me with a big grin on his face (well, the times when he didn't immediately eat the toy that is).

I ran to get the video camera to document the momentous occasion (even though DH said this was technically the second day Handsome had been doing this). I set up the camera, turned it on, moved away from the camera, and placed the toy in front of Handsome. And what did Handsome do? He looked at the camera. I shook the toy, and Handsome stared at the camera. I spoke in a very fun baby voice, and Handsome looked at the camera. For 30 minutes Handsome just looked at the camera as I tried my darnedest to get his attention. Stupid red flashing LED. I gave up, turned the camera off, and Handsome picked up the toy.

Again, Handsome thinks he's funny. Is this a bad sign?

New Blogger Request

This is a request. A request for a certain someone that I will name "Bitter Bitter Me". I am requesting that Bitter Bitter Me start a blog for her own sanity and for those that interact with her. Not for me of course, but for other someones that are just momentary acquaintances, for instance. Because you see, Bitter Bitter Me has a very friendly face that says to everyone, "Greet me. I'm friendly and I would like to know your name and your life story. I WANT to know if your spouse abused you and what color your poo was yesterday. I can help. I am here to help you." I think the world would be indebted to Bitter Bitter Me if she were to begin a blog. I would be entertained at least and the world revolves around me (or so Bitter Bitter Me repeats to me often and I'm inclined to agree), so it should be so.

So this is my request. Awaiting a response. I will add a link if she ever complies.

BTW, to the others who may read this post. Bitter Bitter Me is a wonderful person who is having a horrible couple days. In subsequent posts I will refer to her as just plain Bitter because Bitter Bitter Me takes too long to type and I tried to cheat using ctrl-V and I keep pressing ctrl-B instead and uttering profanities under my breath as a result. Stupid Bold.

Molting

I'm molting, molting.... My hair has been shedding for the past month or so. They say it's because of the hormones after having a baby and I'm going to take their word for it. Let me tell you though, that if I just saved about three days worth of the hair that falls out of my head I could make a bald man very happy with my donations. It's thick and long (get your minds out of the dirt) so they could make a very nice wig. I don't know how I'm going to have any hair left after all of this. It ends up everywhere - shower, hairbrush, carpet, office floor, clothes, car, desk. I feel bad for my poor husband because my hair is falling out at an alarming rate and Handsome is losing his as well, so everywhere DH goes there is hair.

Handsome thinks he's funny

My little Handsome is growing into quite the jokester. A couple nights ago the motion alarm connected to his bed went off. DH and I ran into his room. Dh reached down to him and said, "Baba?" Not a second later, Handsome responds with the growl sound that he loves so much. We couldn't stop laughing after that. It was like he knew to go hide in the corner of the crib so that the alarm would go off and we would run to his room. I think this will go down as the first practical joke that Handsome has played on his parents.

Joining the Pack

Well, I decided to join the rest of the world today. I have started a blog. I didn't even know what that word meant until about a year ago, and I'm still not entirely sure I understand. I used to write in a journal everyday and then I got married and my free time seemed to disappear. Do you realize how long it takes to write freehand? I used to spend hours writing and I miss that, so this is my attempt to rekindle that - minus all the juicy details. Right now I have a string of emails to myself that is getting ridiculously long, and hence I decided to start this.

I have absolutely no idea how to edit things and make everything fancy. I was given the default template and so far I like it. It's green and I'm fond of green. My couches are green, my drapes are green (Though the drapes are admittedly ugly and need to be replaced. The previous owners left them and I'm too cheap to replace them.), my son's room has a green theme, and people say my eyes are green. My eyes are really hazel, but I'm good with calling them green. 'Spose I could get a hazel background? ... I sat next to the quarterback of my high school's football team in Biology and we had to do a project where we had to study our lab partner's eyes and draw them. You have to wonder whether the bio teacher was trying to set the students up. Anyway, the quarterback had beautiful blue eyes. I asked him a few days before the drawing was due if he had drawn mine - just making conversation of course - and he said he hadn't drawn it yet, but it was going to be easy because my eyes looked like sunflowers. I was smitten. In actuality he was short and not too bright, but he said my eyes looked like sunflowers so I was putty.

I digress.

I will try to keep up with everything and vent without offending. These things have private options too right?