Ladies Man

DH and I were talking about Handsome and his preschool. We haven't had much time to talk lately since we have both been crazy busy with work/school. My deadline is tomorrow and by God's grace I managed to get everything done. DH had two tests today.

Anyway, Handsome's teacher always talks to him at the door when he goes to pick up Handsome. I'm assuming she does this with every student, but she may - at this point - pay a little more attention to Handsome because he struggled so much in the beginning. Anyway, she told DH that "the girls just love Handsome!" Great. She said that they would be on the playground and the girls would just follow Handsome around. Great. He's three!! Please tell me I don't already have a problem with girls with him at three years old. Handsome did tell me the other day that he was talking to the girl and he told her his name and then she laughed at him - he thought this was hilarious. Can girls flirt at three? Whenever I ask him what he did at school there is always mention of a girl.

So, apparently he's a ladies man at three.

Sitting up

I noticed a couple days ago that Junior can now sit up from crawling all on his own.

Last night we will classify as a zero sleep night. He was in his playpen crying/talking/moaning all night. I left him there until I heard the kind of cry that doesn't get better. I must have been completely exhausted though because I slept through some of the noisemaking and I never do that on a normal basis. He finally fell into a deeper sleep around 7am this morning - Handsome woke up at 7:30am. Nice, right?

Handsome now loves preschool. I would like to elaborate, but my time is limited. Just wanted to update.

More Teeth

I noticed this morning that Junior has his second tooth now.

He's still not sleeping consistently. I have to get up every hour to two hours at night. He has slowed down on the screaming now though and his cry is more of a whimper or normal cry. He still won't nap more than 30-45min at a time though. I don't know why.

Tear Free

Handsome's report for today at preschool was the best yet. He didn't cry on the way to school at all!! Yay!!! And when DH picked him up he was happy and the teacher said that he did well all day and that he even led the other kids in group activities! Yay!! Now, I'm not clear as to whether it was the teacher who told him to lead or whether he did that on his own, that may be lost in translation forever, but I'll ask for a bit of clarification when I get to talk to them in person tonight. I'm so glad he's finally starting to like preschool. I asked him what he did, but he was yelling the answers, so I couldn't really understand him. I did catch that he colored in pink. LOL.

Oh, and we got our first Scholastic book order form. I used to love those as a kid!

As a small aside about Junior, he is returning to waking up frequently again. I am in desperate need of sleep.

A curl

Junior always has a curl in the middle of his forehead. It's always there. I love it.

Third and Blessed Day of Preschool

Oh, the blessed third day of preschool. It is on this day that I shed the most tears, but they were tears of joy.

DH called me after he dropped Handsome off at preschool. Handsome had cried half the way there in the car and then cried as DH carried him into the classroom. DH said he stayed in the classroom for a couple minutes but Handsome would not calm down for anything. Finally, DH had to leave him. Not a good start.

BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

DH just called me. He was standing outside the preschool after picking Handsome up and Handsome was laughing and playing outside on the grass. Handsome was happy. Happy when DH picked him up. One more time, Happy. I cried when DH told me. I asked to talk to Handsome on the phone at the same time I heard Handsome asking to talk to me. He got on the phone and said, "I played with the kids at preschool! I learned I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands (and then it got a bit too muddy to understand)!" I asked him what he learned, "I learned the letters!" What letter did you learn? "I learned ssssss!" Granted, he already knew that, and I doubt they would start at s, but I don't really give a hoot. What I care about is that he was happy and excited to tell me about it.

I love him so much.

And my cup is full.

And here we go again...

Junior, my five month old baby, is crawling. He's been rolling and lunging and turning for a while, but now he has a legitimate crawl. It is a sloppy crawl right now, but I'm sure he will perfect it soon. Couldn't he remain immobile for a while longer? He also has a sturdy sit. He can sit up for quite a while playing with whatever we put in his hands. When he starts to fall over, he can balance himself with his belly muscles and stay sitting up. The sitting skill is one that Handsome passed over as being too mundane, so this one is new for us.

And now we must go back to making sure there are no choking hazards anywhere on the floor, because if they are there, he will find them.

Oh! And I got a SOLID SEVEN HOURS of sleep on Thursday night!!! It. Was. Awesome.

Second day of Preschool

For the second day of preschool, I had to wake him up again because he was sleeping later than normal. I made sure he had a significant breakfast (a pb&j of which he ate half) since last time he barely ate anything. I thought maybe a full stomach would make him happier. I made sure to wash him down well so that he didn't have any peanut butter on him before he got dressed for school because they said someone has an allergy - I'm not sure if it's true or if it's just a policy, but I'd rather not risk that. He did tell me multiple times that he didn't want to go to school, but I was able to distract him with talk of the vacuum and snack time.

DH stayed in the car with Junior while I took Handsome inside. I had to carry Handsome this time as there was no way he was going to walk in there on his own. He was ok until we reached the classroom and saw the teachers and he knew I was about to leave him. He clung to me like his life depended on it. I tried to distract him with the vacuum but he was having none of that. I did see a couple other children crying, but nothing like Handsome's cries. The teacher gave me a sympathetic look, told me to be strong, and took him from me. I left, despite wanting to just run back to him and hold him and tell him for the millionth time that everything was going to be ok.

When we came to pick him up, we stood in the line where he could see us. I looked out the door to the playground and saw the teacher holding his hand while he was sucking his thumb and watching the other children on the teeter totter. She knelt down to talk to him and he was nodding his head as he listened to her. Then the lined up and came inside. He saw DH and tried to go to him. The teacher made him go straight to the classroom - as they are supposed to do - and that started the wailing again. We were third in line and I saw him sitting in his chair with his backpack on as patiently as he could until he was told he could come to us. When he was told he could, he walked to Mrs. V who kneeled down and spoke to him for a minute. He listened as best he could through his tears before walking to me so I could pick him up. He told me through sobs that no one hit him today. He just looked defeated. He looked like he was exhausted from the day and he knew he had no choice over whether he went to school or not. His little voice wanted to be happy, but he just couldn't muster it.

The teacher spoke to us for a while - which I'm sure the other parents were growing impatient. She told us that he did cry for a lot of the day. He didn't eat his snack and he didn't play much with the toys. She said that to keep him moving, whenever any child had to go to the potty they would take Handsome as well so that it would keep him moving and not thinking about missing us. Once they got to the hallway and were waiting for the other child he would ask the teacher, "Is that cars out there? Let's go see the cars. Is that grass out there? Let's go see the grass." He knew the direction where Mommy and Daddy last were and that's where he wanted to go so he was trying to trick the teacher into going out that way. She said he was right next to a teacher all day, primarily Mrs. S and they put him next to "two very sweet boys." I'm assuming they were two other slightly timid boys. Mrs. V said he was just very attached to me.

Once we were in the car he calmed down much faster than the first day and he asked for his snack that he didn't eat in the school. He was very disappointed that he didn't still have his yogurt - I'm assuming they opened it, and they couldn't very well put an open container of yogurt back in his bag. He did still have goldfish and his juice - which is really what they call flavored water.

Once we were home he kept telling me that he loved me and telling Junior that he loved him. He said he didn't want to go to preschool, he just wanted to stay home with Mommy and Daddy. He did however start singing a song that I had never taught him. "Two little fishies swimmin' in the sea, one little fishy swimmin in the sea, Can't catch me! Crocodile! Snap!" He did all the hand signals and laughed when he finished. He was singing it all day. He said Mrs. S taught it to him. That one little song was a sign of hope for me. It meant he was paying attention, and the teachers were really trying. From the way he said it, Mrs. S was singing it just for him, but who knows if that's actually the case.

Friday night, though, he did start the crying again. When I went into his room he told me he didn't want to go to preschool anymore. I kept having to return to his room until I promised him that the following morning we would play Chutes and Ladders. He didn't wake up anymore after that. I think I only had to go into his room twice before he fell asleep.

Monday, tomorrow, will be the first time that DH has to drop off and pick up Handsome alone. I really hope this gets easier soon. He really is so social, and I don't know why this is hitting him so hard.

Calling Teachers

I called Handsome's teachers today. I called Mrs. V first but she didn't answer her phone so I left a message. An hour later, I got impatient because I wanted to talk to someone before his next class tomorrow, so I called Mrs. S. Mrs. S. answered her phone. She said Handsome sat next to her almost all day and she didn't see anyone hit him. She said she saw one girl poke a little boy in the eye, but she didn't think Handsome even saw it. We spoke for about ten minutes and she said she would keep an eye on him tomorrow to make sure nothing happened to him.

Then a few hours later Mrs. V called back. She said she got my message and she had spoken to Mrs. S. She told me most of the same as what Mrs. S. said. She said that when he came in the morning he was fine and played with the toys just like everyone else. She said once it was time to sit in their chairs and she sat everyone down, she looked over at him and he just had a long stream of tears on his cheeks. He didn't make any noise, he just had the tears. She said when she saw that, she made sure Mrs. S went to sit next to him. (Mrs. V being the main teacher and Mrs. S being the support teacher). She said they even had a third teacher there and the third teacher would stay until all the children are used to going to preschool. So that's three teachers with 16 kids. Handsome would be fine for a while and then he would just start to get the tears again. She said he didn't really do any loud crying - until the cries at and after the playground time. She said he lit up when she told them it was snack time. She saw that the prospect of snack time made him happy so she gave him his snack first. He was apparently very happy during snack time except when the girl sitting next to him started to eye his snack. Mrs. V then reminded the class that everyone has their own snack and they don't share snacks unless it is a party day. She asked me what his favorite toys were and said she would make sure that he got time with them in the morning to make sure he was happy first thing in the morning. She also said that after seeing their personalities she was going to change the seating chart to make sure that children sat next to those who they were most compatible with. She said she was planning to put Handsome and a couple other kids up near her so that she could keep an eye on them, and there were a couple other children she was going to put back next to Mrs S so that she could keep an eye on them. It made it sound like poor Mrs S was going to get all the troublemakers and Mrs V was taking all the quieter kids in the front. Handsome's day apparently made a turn for the worse when Mrs V told them they were going to the playground and he remembered that Mommy wasn't there. Then it crescendo'ed when they had to come back inside and he saw all the parents. I'm assuming it's because he couldn't see us (we were around the corner) and all the children had to come back into the classroom before the parents could pick them up.

So after all that, I do feel better. It sounds like he is just really unsure of school, which is completely different from another child bullying him. It also sounds like the teachers were paying attention to him and trying to reassure him. Mrs V also sounded like she thought I was going to pull Handsome from her class and she kept telling me to let him try again and it would get better. She did also mention that she thought he looked young and her and the other teacher checked his birth certificate to see if he was one of the younger students. Nope, he's not. She said she thought it was because he had a round face so it made him look younger.

Today Handsome made up for his lack of sleep yesterday. He took a four hour nap and went to bed without problems. I am hugely relieved that he went to bed easily. I was afraid that he would cry because he knows he's supposed to go to school tomorrow. I even had him help me chose what snack to give him so he knows he's going back. I really hope tomorrow goes better. I pray tomorrow goes better.

Dear Lord, please keep Handsome safe and let him enjoy preschool.

I fail.

I put Handsome to bed, and then it began. Junior took more effort to put to bed than normal. I almost had him asleep and then I hear Handsome crying in his room. It wasn't a normal cry. It was a fearful cry. Like he was terribly afraid of something. I put Junior down faster than I normally would have and went to Handsome's room. I was afraid he had fallen or hurt himself in some way.

I went to Handsome's room and his whole face was wet with tears. I held him and asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't want to go to preschool because they hit him. Yeah. I deserve mother of the year award. I apparently sent my child to a war zone - preschool style. He is now terrified. I wasn't there, so I obviously don't know what the actual circumstances were. All I know is that my son can't sleep because he is so afraid of the children in his class. He is repeatedly waking up crying.

I'm calling his teacher tomorrow. I don't want to be a pain, but this is my son. If he doesn't like his first experience with school, he is never going to really like school. I have to be able to make sure that he is safe. If some kid is pummeling him at school, I need to know and I will remove him. If it is instead a single hit and he's just afraid because it's his first experience, that is different and we will deal with that as best we can.

Is my kid going to be the kid that is beat up on at school? Is he going to be the weak personality? I've never seen him in that light, but maybe it's because he has always been at home. Maybe it's because I'm blinded by the fact that he's my son. He has never really been afraid of anything until now.

I feel like I've done something terribly wrong. I feel like I've hurt him by putting him in that situation.

How do I make this better??

He's a preschooler

Today was Handsome's first day of preschool. It was an adventure as I had no doubt it would be.

Handsome typically wakes up between 7am and 7:30am, so of course this morning I woke up at 8am and he wasn't awake yet. I had to go wake him up so that we would all be ready in time for preschool. He was so excited that he didn't want to eat breakfast. He took a few bites of his yogurt and then said that he was done and ready for preschool. DH got him ready as I put my contacts in and got Junior ready to go. When DH went to go get ready, I took Handsome and Junior out on the deck to take pictures (none of which turned out well. Boo.).

We all get in the car and drive to his school. We got there exactly on time when the plan was to get there about ten minutes early. I took a couple more pictures at his school. He was very excited. We went yesterday to meet the teacher and his classmates and he found a toy vacuum in the class. Vacuums are his favorite, so he was very happy to find that. This morning all he wanted to do was get to school so that he could play with the vacuum. We had to wait in line at the door of his classroom so that we could give his forms to the teacher. Handsome kept trying to sneak in before it was his turn because he was eager to get in the classroom. It was finally our turn and he went in without any problem. DH, Junior and I walked away hoping for the best.

At home Junior took a nap, DH studied, and I edited Handsome's pictures. I guess editing the pictures made me feel like he was still at home with us. It felt weird that he wasn't home with us, but I didn't cry. I did get tears, but that's all. I thought he would be ok.

And then it was time to pick him up. We got there about ten minutes early because there was no way I was going to be late on his first day. Everyone was there early and all the parents had formed a line at the door. It was packed. We were further back in the line so we were around the corner and couldn't actually see any of the children. The last 20 min of their schedule is playground time, so they were just coming inside. As they were coming inside I hear one child crying - wailing. I thought, hmm, that cry sounds awfully familiar. DH moved up and peeked around the corner, and sure enough, it was Handsome. He was crying his little heart out. He was the ONLY child crying and he did not care a bit about that. DH asked if we got priority to pick our child up first since he was the one crying. Nope. We had to wait in line and endure the crying. I kind of wanted him to see that the teacher could comfort too, but really I just wanted to hold my baby and tell him everything would be ok.

Finally it was our turn. I was holding Junior, so DH took Handsome from the teacher. He clung to DH like his life depended on it. My poor baby. The teacher said he had done well the whole day. He got a little sad in the morning when he realized we were gone, but they distracted him easily and then he was fine. He had his snack time and loved it. THEN they told him it was time to play on the playground. She said he realized that Mommy wasn't there for the playground and that's when he started the crying. She said don't worry about it, just bring him on Friday and he'll be fine. She was very caring and understanding and I wanted to talk a little longer to her, but I also wanted to get my wailing child out of the building and let the other parents pick up their children.

As soon as we got outside, I traded Junior for Handsome. I held him, told him I loved him and that everything would be ok, and then I asked him why he was crying. Through hiccups and sobs he told me that Mrs. S told him he had to go to the playground but he didn't want to go the playground and that he wanted to go home. He cried all the way to the car and even after I put him in his carseat. He calmed down soon though - enough so that we could go pick up filters on the way home.

In asking him what he did during the day, I got a lot of little snippets. I asked him what his favorite part of the day was. He said he played with the vacuum and vacuumed the carpet (there's no carpet in his room). He said he "sweeped" but when I asked him again, he said, "No, I didn't sweeped! The kids took it away! They didn't share!" He also said, "The kids hit me! That's not nice!" And this is the part where I want to protect him from all the meanies that want to hurt my baby. He needs to learn to stick up for himself and he needs to learn that all kids aren't nice, but he's been so happy that I don't want them to take that away from him. I also don't want him to copy them. I really hope there aren't any mean kids in his class. I know some hitting and not sharing is normal, I just hope no one decides to pick on him. It sounds like he is not one of the more dominant children.

He also said that he "slide" on the playground and that Mrs. V laughed when he "slide." So it sounds like the teachers were trying to get him to play outside even though he wasn't happy about me not being there. He also said he was crying because the time was finished for the playground, so maybe they got him happy and then when they told him it was time to come in, it started over again? He loved snack time too.

I asked him if he wanted to go back to preschool after he seemed to have forgotten about the crying and he said, "Yes! Please! Can we go?! Please!" Then he asked if DH and I could go with him. He wasn't happy when I said no, but he still said he wanted to go. Sadly, I won't be with them on Friday when he goes back. I sincerely hope he does better on Friday. I hope he loves preschool and I hope the other kids are nice to him. I hope he makes friends in his class.

Do you hear that?

Quiet. It is blissful right now. I don't know how long it is going to last, but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

My kitchen is clean. My floors are vacuumed.

I gave Handsome and Junior their baths together tonight. It was... interesting. I put Junior's baby bath inside the big bath and filled them both up. Junior sits pretty well now, plus he can balance himself on the sides of the little whale bathtub. Only problem was when he wanted to grab his toes so he would lean forward too far and I'd be afraid he was going to face plant in the water. It didn't happen though. He was very content sitting in the water and watching his older brother play with the duck that was very busy flying everywhere. I let Handsome dry himself and put lotion on himself so that I could dry and lotion Junior. Only snag was when Handsome wanted the longer Anansi story and Junior was too tired and cranky to sit through the entire story. Handsome had to settle for the shorter book and I promised to read the longer story to him in the morning.

After Handsome went to sleep, I nursed Junior and put him in his crib (actually the playpen) which as of yesterday is now in my bedroom. We put the white noise machine up there so that when I go to bed, I won't wake him up. Junior fell asleep on cue and is now sleeping upstairs.

DH is downstairs studying.

And me? I am all by myself. Bliss. I love my boys and I love my DH. They are my life. But sometimes I just want to sit alone with my thoughts. I need a few minutes alone each day to relax, but these days I rarely get that. In fact, I'm not sure I've really had that since Junior was born. Well, maybe in the car as I drive to work. And I do have my own office, but alone time at work doesn't really count.

One week from today

One week from today, Handsome starts preschool.

Preschool.

My baby is starting preschool.

I know he will love it. He is so incredibly social and outgoing that he will love being able to spend that much time with a group of children his age. To him it will just be more people that he can try to impress. It may be scary for him at first since Mommy and Daddy won't be there, but I think he'll get over that quickly. Once he realizes that we will always come back for him, I think he will be fine.

Me on the other hand? How will I handle things? I thought I was going to do fine. I thought I knew that this was a good step for Handsome and was happy knowing I had made the right decision. I thought I had a handle on things. And then I saw my friends sending their children off to school. And just reading their stories I started to tear up. Yeah, I'm gonna cry. I have to hold it together long enough to let Handsome know that everything is fine and then I'm going to turn around and cry. I know this is good for him, but I also know that he is my baby and my baby is growing up. DH is going to laugh at me. He's going to be completely perplexed as to why I am crying. I don't think I could explain it to him if I wanted to. I don't think I can really explain it to myself. I'm sure I'll write a lot more on the day we meet his teachers and the day we drop him off at school and maybe by then I'll be able to verbalize why I'm so emotional about everything. I took two vacation days so that I could be there to meet his teachers and classmates and so that I could drop him off and pick him up on his very first day of preschool. I don't think I could have handled sitting at work and not being there with him for this.