Handsome's Christmas Program

Handsome had his Christmas program last week. DH couldn't go because he had his final exam the following morning. Yes, I was upset that he couldn't be there, but I understood why. He did pass his test and his class so I guess it was worth it.

Handsome has been singing his songs for two weeks now at home. He knew all the words, all the tunes and all the hand signs. When he got up there his memory turned into selective memory. He stood in the line with his classmates and stuck his thumb right in his mouth and left it there for the majority of the program. He would bob his head to the beat of the song and turn around to watch the kids singing behind him. When it got to his favorite parts of the songs, his entire demeanor changed. He took his thumb out of his mouth, smiled big and jumped when he was supposed to jump and did the biggest bow you ever did see. When his favorite part ended, the thumb went back in his mouth, he bobbed his head to the beat, and he watched his friends perform.

He said he had fun, so that's what really matters. I managed to video tape his performance while Junior was tied to me, so Handsome has been watching the video of it and singing the entire songs at home

Standing

Junior is standing. Standing as in not holding onto anything. Standing as in balancing all by himself. Standing as is being able to correct himself to not fall down when he otherwise would. Standing as in, oh crap he's about to start walking.

Junior is eight months old and crawling "super fast" - as Owen would say. He is coming along quite well.

Except for his sleeping. He's been waking up every two hours again. Now he is screaming an angry scream of, "Don't you lie down over there when I'm right here! Pick me up!" Since he's in the room with me, his scream is extra loud. I've been letting him wake up and feeding him because he gets so little milk during the day, but I'm about to reach my limit. Both of us need our sleep and he is eight months old. That should be old enough to sleep through the night. Junior is getting away with alot more than Handsome ever was at this age - in regards to sleeping. I really want to go ahead and put them in the same room, but with Junior still waking up every two hours and Handsome fighting when it's time to go to bed, I think they would just keep eachother up all night long.

Long overdue update.

I know. I'm behind. Really behind. It's so hard to find a spare moment these days - especially a coherent spare moment. I often think about what I would like to write. There is a lot. I just don't get the chance. I'm going to try to make a quick update. Even if I forget a bunch or repeat something, at least I'll have something written down.

Junior -

Junior is growing and changing every day. He is eight months old now. He has four teeth (and has had them since seven months) and has used them to chomp down on me more than once. He has an awesomely powerful pinch as can be seen by all the red spots on my arms and chest where he got bored or curious while nursing. He can pick up a single grain of rice on the carpet. He often picks up small particles on the ground that he knows he's not supposed to have. He picks them up. Sits down (from crawling) and then smiles and looks at me like, "Yeah, I got it. That's right. I know I'm not technically supposed to have it. What are you going to do about it." Oh yes, the child knows when he is doing something he isn't supposed to. If I'm not looking directly at him, he'll grunt or start babbling to make me look at him and then he smiles the smile that I know means he's up to no good.

He had a good stretch where he would sleep at least a six hour stretch and then a four hour stretch. That period of time passed too quickly. Now he's back to getting up every two hours or so. It's a different cry now though. It's not the reflux, this-is-painful cry anymore. Now it's more of an I'm-lonely cry. He has also decided that 4am or thereabouts is time to be up and playing.

He is a crawling champion. He's darn fast. He pulls up on everything. He can walk along the side of the coffee table, of course holding on with both hands. He has stood up without holding onto anything when he is holding his toy with both hands and not paying attention. It doesn't last long though. If you hold his hands he will walk with you.

He has lost weight. Yes. Lost. Not just evened out, but lost. He's gone down by about four ounces in the past two months. I'm not sure about his height. Now, the only disclaimer I will give to that is that at his last checkup he hadn't pooped in about three weeks, so that backlog could very well have added to his previous weight. Now, per doctor's orders, we give him pears everyday to help with his regularity. In case you were wondering, pears work. He will eat two jars of food and 6-8 oz of cereal each day in addition to nursing when I am home and pumped milk when I'm at work. My supply has dwindled considerably and I'm terrified that he's not getting enough nutrition. He still has tons of energy though, so who knows. You can really tell from his pictures though how my chubby baby has become a slender baby. He doesn't look unhealthily skinny, but it is just a huge difference from where he started and from where Handsome was at this point.

His eczema is still here. It has not gotten as bad as it was when he was a few weeks old, but it is still there. I think that time was so bad because it was infected. Now he just has dry patches all over himself - a few of them are red and require medicine. We put thick lotion on him twice a day and his skin just soaks it up and still dries out. I wish the doctors would test him for allergies to see if we could stop some of this by diet, but they just tell us that his test could be inaccurate. I get that, and I can amend when I need to, but I'd like to relieve his poor skin if at all possible.

Stubborn. The boy is stubborn. There is no distracting him if he wants something. I can't even count the number of times I have to tell him no or redirect him. He knows exactly what he wants. If you take that away, be prepared for screaming. His smiles are not as common as Handsome's are, but when you get them, they are awesome. His giggles are the best.

He can climb the stairs. Scary.

Handsome -

Handsome is doing awesome in preschool. He loves it. On days that he can't go, he cries cause he wants to be in preschool. We got his first criticism from his teacher. She told DH that Handsome has been whining a lot. She said a lot of the students have been lately so they have been trying to work on it. We are reinforcing the "don't whine" rule at home. We were previously, but not as often as we are now. I'm not sure if it's helping anything, but at least he is aware.

Everyday he comes home singing whatever song they learned in school that day. I'm impressed that he can remember all the words to the songs and whatever dance moves they taught with the songs. It is obvious that this is his favorite part of preschool. The teacher said one day that he was reluctant to wear their paint shirt to paint. Crazy kid, right? He does not care at all about art projects. But music? He loves music. They put up a project where they had to color a corn on the cob and glue on the kernels. All the girls had theirs colored in the lines and colored as much of the paper as they could and then the glued on so many kernels you knew there had to be extra layers underneath that you couldn't even see. Handsome? He colored with the crayon the least amount he could possibly do and still have qualified as coloring the paper and glued on the fewest number of kernels in a similar manner. Just by looking at it, I can see the teacher saying, "Handsome, just color a little bit more. Just glue a few more pieces on." And Handsome reluctantly putting more on, but longing to go play with toys or talk to whoever was closest.

Whenever one of the other parents in the class realize that DH or I are Handsome's parents they always say, "Oh you're Handsome's parent? Our child talks about Handsome ALL the time!" Again, I'm imagining Handsome always talking, joking, singing, dancing in class while the rest of the children are working nicely on their art projects.

Handsome seems to have picked two best friends in his class: B and K. B is a little girl and K is a little boy. Those three stick pretty close together. Each day after class, B and Handsome play together at the preschool playground while B's mom and DH and any other parent that is there talk. I got to meet B's mom when I took Handsome with his class to see Santa. She is awesome. Very nice and seemed to be someone I would like to hang out with. Her husband was there too and he was also very nice, but he didn't talk as much, so I don't know much about his personality.

The trip to see Santa was interesting. It was good to be able to see Handsome interact with his classmates. He stuck pretty close to K and B - he spent more time with B though. At first Handsome would not sit with Santa. I guessed that would happen. I finally convinced him to go because we saw K sit with Santa and Mrs. V was sitting in a chair right next to Santa. I got him to stand with Mrs. V and then after giving Santa a high-five he was convinced to sit with him to get a quick picture. It's true that I am anti-Santa, but I'm not going to be actively anti-Santa, just not as pro-Santa. Make sense? I'll tell him the Santa stories if he asks and put the presents under the tree with no name attached so that he can decide for himself if they are from us or from Santa.

When my parents came for Thanksgiving, my mother managed to start Handsome reading. He can read basic three letter words: sat, cat, pig, sit, hat, map, pot, etc. He already knew all the letters and sounds, but we hadn't tried to put anything together before she came. Now my three year old can read - the basics anyway.

His speech skills grow everyday. You can have real conversations with him now. He is still only speaking English though. He's resistant to speaking anything else.

He is wearing his glasses full time now. He has done really well with them. It also helps that they are nearly indestructible. I think the crossing has actually gotten worse though. We are patching at home for a few hours each day. I hope that helps and that this doesn't continue. I always wonder whether he realizes when his eye stops working. I don't think he does.


Handsome and Junior -

These boys play together better than I could have ever hoped for. They both seem to really love each other. Wherever one goes, the other will follow. In the backseat of the car, Handsome will play with Junior until they are both giggling uncontrollably. On the other hand, they always want the same toy. Always. How an 8 month old and 3 year old want the same toy, I don't know, but they do.

I think though that eventually, Junior may be the leader of the two. He's got the stronger personality and Handsome is so easy-go-lucky that I think he'll just go with whatever Junior is passionate about. I could be totally wrong, but that's what it looks like right now.

Me -

I don't even know where to begin about me. I'm stressed. There is just too much going on right now. I don't have time to breathe. I think this is the main cause for my milk supply failing me. I don't have enough time to pump as much as I need to and when I do pump, I can't stop thinking about work. I've started drinking more water and taking supplements to help my supply increase. It may have added another ounce or two to what I get throughout the day, but I'll take whatever I can get. It's beyond frustrating - especially when I see that Junior has lost weight. Honestly I'd really like to stop nursing. I know that's crazy from me who wanted to nurse Handsome until he was two years old and was devastated when he stopped early. With Junior it's just harder: he's losing weight; I'm stressing; I'm losing time at work; he bites; he pinches; he's easily distracted; he nurses too frequently at night. I'll continue for as long as I can, but it's not easy.

While Junior is losing weight, I'm not. I lost about 20 after he was born and then I stopped losing weight. So, this past weekend I joined WW. I've never done a plan like this, but I figured I needed something to kick me in the rear end and remind me how I'm supposed to be eating. I know I've been eating like crap since Junior was born. I've been drinking more coke than ever and eating bags upon bags of oreos - oreos have no milk. Anyway, we'll see how this works out. It's just something else to worry about but I feel like my health needs to be on the to-do list somewhere so I don't think I should give this up.

(Sorry for all the typos)

Climbing Stairs

Junior climbed an entire flight of staris this past weekend. I was right behind him the whole time making sure he didn't fall, but I just wanted to see if he would make it all the way to the top. He did. He was quite proud of himself.

I may need a new gate now.

Mama

I think Junior knows what he's saying. If DH is holding him and he sees me across the room he will start with, "Mamamamama!" and start crawling towards me. As soon as he gets to me, he stops, puts his thumb in his mouth and is content - well, as content as he can be. In the middle of the night when he wakes up, it is, "Mamamama!" He will babble with all sorts of sounds, but he is deliberate when he repeats Mama.

I know six months is supposed to be too early for that, but I swear he knows what he is saying.

Milestone Reached

Junior took a 2.5 hour nap today. He took the nap alone and in his crib. This beats his record by an hour and a half. To make things even better? He slept the same time as Handsome slept.

Six month checkup

Junior had his six month check up a few days. He was in the 75th percentile for everything. He didn't even gain half a pound from his four month checkup. I thought he had thinned out and sure enough he has. The doctor told me to start feeding him pears and a little bit of prune juice to help make him more regular. Sorry Junior, doctor's orders. I was supposed to give him another suppository yesterday but ran out of time. I let him gnaw on a pear and was expecting some sort of reaction since it was his first food other than breastmilk. No reaction. He couldn't care less. He chewed on it just like he would any other toy and got bored with it just as fast.

The doctor also gave me a stronger prescription for hydrocortisone for his excema. I am going to try harder with the over the counter before I try that.

I also got some gripe water last night. All the mylicon has been recalled so I'm hoping this will help his belly. He slept for four hours after I gave it to him last night so I'm hopeful.

After that four hours he didn't sleep much again. And neither did I. DH helped after 3am but I'm still beyond exhausted. I think my body is getting closer to it's limit. I'm starting to get dizzy all the time and my brain function has seriously declined.

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I didn't get to post when I initially wrote this post, so I'll just add on here.

I have given Junior the gripe water a few times now and he seems to actually really like it. I don't know if it helps his belly or not, but I'm going to continue trying for a while.

I gave him the suppository and he didn't produce anything from that. I've given him prune juice and he didn't produce anything from that. I'm wondering now if I'm not feeding him enough? I don't know. I'll continue with the prune juice and see if that gets us anywhere soon.

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We finally ordered a crib for Junior. He's been sleeping in the playpen since he was born and that can't be too comfortable. It's all lumpy. We put the crib together today and tonight is his first night sleeping in the crib. He whined for about the first 20 min, but now he's been sleeping for just over an hour. Hopefully the sleep will continue.

I love his crib. It seems much more stable than the crib that we had for Handsome. I love the color too. It's the Graco Shelby Cappuccino. Love it. I put it at the lowest setting though because he is already pulling up to stand and at the lowest setting he can just reach over the top. Apparently that's what the 75th percentile can do for you.

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Sorry for the disjointed thoughts. I haven't had sleep in months and that makes thinking challenging.

Talking

Da da da Ana na na ma ma ba ba na na na

Halloween Bleck

Halloween is coming up. I know that for many this is a great event. People get fancy costumes and rent scary movies and have festive parties. I admit that I love looking at the costumes that other people have come up with and I love to hear their stories of what happened at the haunted house. Stories of how so and so screamed like a girl and the other guy jumped so high he hit his head.

And that is where my fascination with the holiday ends. Does that make me a fuddy duddy? Meh, that's ok. I've never been terribly creative so my costumes were always a result of me rummaging through my parents' closet to see what I could come up with. I almost always ended up with something farmer related since Dad had a lot of that stuff. Boring with a capital B. I went trick or treating as a kid but it's just a bunch of junk food that I wasn't supposed to eat and I'd end up with a belly ache. I've never liked haunted houses or scary movies because I am a wimp and I see no amusement in scaring myself until I have nightmares.

Now that I'm older and even more boring I think like Halloween less. Costumes have gotten even more elaborate which means I either have to have a lot of cash to waste or I have to be crafty to make my own. I have/am neither. Plus all the troublemakers come out that night so I would prefer to barricade myself in my house. I also have to spend money on a costume for Handsome. I'm cheating this year and using the one I bought last year. It still fits and he likes it.

Fuddy duddy = Me

I'm ok with that.

Glasses have arrived

We picked up Handsome's glasses yesterday. He looks adorable. They have a brown metal frame. He only had to wear them between nap and bedtime yesterday, but overall he did really well. He only wanted to take them off when he was eating dinner. The rest of the time he said they helped him to see better. I also didn't notice his eyes crossing when he watched TV.

Today DH is sending him to preschool wearing his glasses. I sincerely hope that goes well. I asked DH to tell the teacher that Handsome could take his glasses off for their time on the playground. I'm still afraid of him falling and hurting himself while wearing the glasses but I am also afraid of the glasses breaking or getting lost. Those things are EXPENSIVE.

Complete change of topic - which I'm allowed to do because it's my blog. ;)

Handsome had a bloody nose on Wednesday. It wasn't a lot, but it was there. Weird. Don't know why.

Junior's bowel issues

I got some glycerin suppositories for Junior. I sat on the floor with a plastic bag under us and gave him the suppository. At first he didn't care, and then... he did. He cried and cried like I was the meanest person in the whole world. And then he cried and pushed like he was giving birth to a his own child. After about eight minutes he was done and talking and babbling like all was well in the world. Let's just say he was much lighter after that experience. And then around 4am this morning he filled another diaper. And then this afternoon he filled another. Hopefully he will be regular again now.

Last night I was up a lot. Again. As is the new normal. Handsome even woke up around 4 or 5am crying, which is very unlike him. I'm assuming he had a nightmare. I held him until he seemed ok and then he went right back to sleep. Meanwhile I was really dizzy. I had to hold onto the wall so that I wouldn't fall down. I'm assuming it is because I haven't had nearly enough sleep. I called DH to come pick up the kids so that I could get some rest, but that was around 7am. and I had been up almost all night.

The past few days

On Sunday I caught up on some of the household stuff I've been getting way behind on as a result of our crazy schedule. I did many loads of laundry, cleaned the backyard and brushed all the hair our dog is shedding off of him so that it doesn't end up on the carpet anymore. Handsome was kind enough to help me with everything.

In fact for the past few days both boys have been really attached to me. I'm assuming it's because I've had to work so much lately. Junior will cry if DH is holding him and stare me down no matter where I am in the room. He always wants to be near me. Daddy just isn't what he wants right now. I feel like I have about a two foot rope that is tied between my leg and Handsome's leg and as a result Handsome must ALWAYS be right under my feet. I can't even head to the ladies' room without both of them crying for me. I have to admit that I like being wanted/needed/loved so much. DH on the other hand is really getting his feelings hurt. I know this is only a phase and I do like to spread the love around, but I'll enjoy my snuggles and smiles while I can get them.

Anyway, back to Sunday. I gave Handsome a bath before his naptime because we were both all sorts of stinky from being out back. When he woke up from his nap, he felt warm. He had said his head hurt earlier in the day, but I attributed that to the eye issues that he as been having. We make him wear his eye patch and that forces his weak eye to work harder. I know I used to get headaches if I went between wearing glasses and not wearing glasses so I figured that is what happened. He has never complained of his head hurting before though. After his nap when he said his head hurt again, I decided to check his temperature. 102F He had a fever. Bummer. The only other fever he has ever had was during a bad cold he had when he was about eight months old.

I got him a wet rag for his forehead and we sat on the couch together as he just said he wanted to be held. We didn't have any children's tyelenol, but I didn't want to give it to him right away anyhow. He wasn't being lethargic and still wanted to go to the store, so it didn't seem to be bothering him too much. I know a fever helps kill the virus so I wanted to see how it would progress. If it got worse or if he still had it at bedtime, I would give him some tylenol. As it happened, by bedtime his fever had gone down to 99F and he didn't seem to notice it at all. What it did do was give us a peaceful bedtime which doesn't happen too frequently anymore.

Since he couldn't go to preschool the following morning, I decided to take him to get fitted for new glasses. He woke up fever free and we went to try on glasses. They had two varieties that I couldn't decide between: Miraflex and Flexon.

• Miraflex is plastic and virtually indestructable. It has no hinges and has a band that goes behind his head to make sure they stay on. I was afraid they would look like toy glasses and they would overwhelm his face. I was also afraid that his lashes would constantly hit the glasses. That used to happen to me as a kid and it drove me nuts.
• The Flexon glasses are metal frames that can be twisted and sat on and still return to the original shape. They look more like adult glasses and have a nose piece so that the glasses sit further from his eyes which means no lashes hitting the lens. I was afraid though that the nose piece would be a problem for if/when he falls. And the Flexon was about twice the price of the Miraflex.

I couldn't decide, so I called Mom to decide for me. LOL I'm weak, I admit. Anyway, she said to go for the Flexon because she is really concerned about the social aspect. She is afraid that the other kids would make fun of the other glasses and scar Handsome for life. So on that warning, I got the Flexon. I figure that since it is about to be winter, he will have less of an opportunity to be running around. And a few months from now, I may go ahead and buy the Miraflex as a backup and for the times that he wants to be more rough and tumble.

The glasses should be ready by Thursday and then will begin the adventure of making him wear his glasses full time. While I was buying the glasses I was talking to the woman who sells them - obviously. Anyway, she has been doing the same job for over 20 years. It was a family owned business. I told her about why Handsome needed glasses and she started telling me horror stories. Great, right? She told me about one little girl whose grandmother refused to patch her eye because the girl didn't like it and at 12 years old the girl lost sight in her weak eye. And then there is the story of a little boy whose parents didn't notice and so he didn't get treated. As a result he has a full blown lazy eye now. He can get glasses to help with his sight, but they are litearaly about an inch thick for that one eye and he still can't see clearly. Great. Now I'm worried that poor Handsome is going to end up blind in one eye.

Obviously since we were able to buy glasses on Monday morning, Handsome did not go to preschool. His random fever is completely gone now but he missed his class picture. :'( I was really looking forward to that. I emailed his teacher and she is going to get us a copy of it, but sadly Handsome won't be in the picture. DH took him to his school today to get his individual picture. We don't really need it since I take his picture obsessively, but I'm curious to see how he handles someone else taking his picture.

And now for Junior news.

On Saturday, Junior crawled to the coffee table and pulled himself up to standing so that he could grab something that was on the table. Oh yes, he pulled himself up. My five month old is pulling up to stand. I can't even believe it. My baby was supposed to stay a baby for a little while longer.

And for a little TMI - at least he'll think so when he is older and knows I blogged about it - he hasn't pooped in at least two weeks. The nurse said to give him a laxative. Eww. I went to buy some last night, but the container had already been opened. EWWWW. So we have to take it back. We're also going to buy some Mylicon to see if that helps because Ray massaged his belly yesterday and said Junior farted for about ten minutes straight after that. HAHAHA! I'm glad I wasn't there for that because man do his farts stink!

Junior is also blowing rasberries and saying "bababa" and chewing on his tongue. All very good signs that he is progressing like he should.

His six month appointment is next week.

And in me news.

I got everything done for work that I needed to! YAY!! Talk about a relief. Our house is so much less stresful now.

And in DH news.

He did not pass one of his exams and doesn't know how he did on the other, but he's not hopeful. I am so scared that he won't pass and get his nursing degree. He is so smart, but his school is so unhelpful. The one test that he didn't pass was because he could only miss one element and he missed three. One. And a passing grade on an exam is 78%. Please, Lord, let him pass. We have really struggled to get to this point.

And now that I have written a novel, I'm done. ;)

Pulling up

Today Junior pulled up on the coffee table. He stood all by himself about three times. I swear he's still just five months old even though he doesn't seem to want to act five months old.

Glasses

Handsome had a follow up appointment for his strabismus - eye crossing. DH took him so I got the recap afterwards. This time the doctor was adamant that Handsome wear his glasses everyday. He said that he needs to wear them everyday or his eyes would continue to get worse to a point that we couldn't fix it anymore.

If he has to wear them everyday then we are going to have to get some of the indestructible variety. The types that have been recommended are Miraflex and SoloBambini. They aren't the most attractive glasses, but hopefully they will last longer than the 30min that the current glasses last before he breaks them.

I'm worried that his classmates will make fun of him for his glasses. I had to get glasses at 5 years old. I had a few people call me four eyes, but I don't remember caring all that much about what they said. I think Handsome is different. I think he will care a lot about what the other kids say. I really hope they are nice to him and I hope that he likes the glasses.

The girlfriend's name

As DH picked up Handsome from school today, he asked the teacher if Handsome had any friends in the class. She said yes. His main friend is Emma. Apparently whenever Handsome walks into the classroom she will call him over and tell him to sit next to her. As Mom put it, she may be a little like Peppermint Patty. His other friend is Kevin. Today he did actually tell me his friend was Emma. Not sure if it's because he heard the conversation between DH and Mrs. S.

Ladies Man

DH and I were talking about Handsome and his preschool. We haven't had much time to talk lately since we have both been crazy busy with work/school. My deadline is tomorrow and by God's grace I managed to get everything done. DH had two tests today.

Anyway, Handsome's teacher always talks to him at the door when he goes to pick up Handsome. I'm assuming she does this with every student, but she may - at this point - pay a little more attention to Handsome because he struggled so much in the beginning. Anyway, she told DH that "the girls just love Handsome!" Great. She said that they would be on the playground and the girls would just follow Handsome around. Great. He's three!! Please tell me I don't already have a problem with girls with him at three years old. Handsome did tell me the other day that he was talking to the girl and he told her his name and then she laughed at him - he thought this was hilarious. Can girls flirt at three? Whenever I ask him what he did at school there is always mention of a girl.

So, apparently he's a ladies man at three.

Sitting up

I noticed a couple days ago that Junior can now sit up from crawling all on his own.

Last night we will classify as a zero sleep night. He was in his playpen crying/talking/moaning all night. I left him there until I heard the kind of cry that doesn't get better. I must have been completely exhausted though because I slept through some of the noisemaking and I never do that on a normal basis. He finally fell into a deeper sleep around 7am this morning - Handsome woke up at 7:30am. Nice, right?

Handsome now loves preschool. I would like to elaborate, but my time is limited. Just wanted to update.

More Teeth

I noticed this morning that Junior has his second tooth now.

He's still not sleeping consistently. I have to get up every hour to two hours at night. He has slowed down on the screaming now though and his cry is more of a whimper or normal cry. He still won't nap more than 30-45min at a time though. I don't know why.

Tear Free

Handsome's report for today at preschool was the best yet. He didn't cry on the way to school at all!! Yay!!! And when DH picked him up he was happy and the teacher said that he did well all day and that he even led the other kids in group activities! Yay!! Now, I'm not clear as to whether it was the teacher who told him to lead or whether he did that on his own, that may be lost in translation forever, but I'll ask for a bit of clarification when I get to talk to them in person tonight. I'm so glad he's finally starting to like preschool. I asked him what he did, but he was yelling the answers, so I couldn't really understand him. I did catch that he colored in pink. LOL.

Oh, and we got our first Scholastic book order form. I used to love those as a kid!

As a small aside about Junior, he is returning to waking up frequently again. I am in desperate need of sleep.

A curl

Junior always has a curl in the middle of his forehead. It's always there. I love it.

Third and Blessed Day of Preschool

Oh, the blessed third day of preschool. It is on this day that I shed the most tears, but they were tears of joy.

DH called me after he dropped Handsome off at preschool. Handsome had cried half the way there in the car and then cried as DH carried him into the classroom. DH said he stayed in the classroom for a couple minutes but Handsome would not calm down for anything. Finally, DH had to leave him. Not a good start.

BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

DH just called me. He was standing outside the preschool after picking Handsome up and Handsome was laughing and playing outside on the grass. Handsome was happy. Happy when DH picked him up. One more time, Happy. I cried when DH told me. I asked to talk to Handsome on the phone at the same time I heard Handsome asking to talk to me. He got on the phone and said, "I played with the kids at preschool! I learned I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands (and then it got a bit too muddy to understand)!" I asked him what he learned, "I learned the letters!" What letter did you learn? "I learned ssssss!" Granted, he already knew that, and I doubt they would start at s, but I don't really give a hoot. What I care about is that he was happy and excited to tell me about it.

I love him so much.

And my cup is full.

And here we go again...

Junior, my five month old baby, is crawling. He's been rolling and lunging and turning for a while, but now he has a legitimate crawl. It is a sloppy crawl right now, but I'm sure he will perfect it soon. Couldn't he remain immobile for a while longer? He also has a sturdy sit. He can sit up for quite a while playing with whatever we put in his hands. When he starts to fall over, he can balance himself with his belly muscles and stay sitting up. The sitting skill is one that Handsome passed over as being too mundane, so this one is new for us.

And now we must go back to making sure there are no choking hazards anywhere on the floor, because if they are there, he will find them.

Oh! And I got a SOLID SEVEN HOURS of sleep on Thursday night!!! It. Was. Awesome.

Second day of Preschool

For the second day of preschool, I had to wake him up again because he was sleeping later than normal. I made sure he had a significant breakfast (a pb&j of which he ate half) since last time he barely ate anything. I thought maybe a full stomach would make him happier. I made sure to wash him down well so that he didn't have any peanut butter on him before he got dressed for school because they said someone has an allergy - I'm not sure if it's true or if it's just a policy, but I'd rather not risk that. He did tell me multiple times that he didn't want to go to school, but I was able to distract him with talk of the vacuum and snack time.

DH stayed in the car with Junior while I took Handsome inside. I had to carry Handsome this time as there was no way he was going to walk in there on his own. He was ok until we reached the classroom and saw the teachers and he knew I was about to leave him. He clung to me like his life depended on it. I tried to distract him with the vacuum but he was having none of that. I did see a couple other children crying, but nothing like Handsome's cries. The teacher gave me a sympathetic look, told me to be strong, and took him from me. I left, despite wanting to just run back to him and hold him and tell him for the millionth time that everything was going to be ok.

When we came to pick him up, we stood in the line where he could see us. I looked out the door to the playground and saw the teacher holding his hand while he was sucking his thumb and watching the other children on the teeter totter. She knelt down to talk to him and he was nodding his head as he listened to her. Then the lined up and came inside. He saw DH and tried to go to him. The teacher made him go straight to the classroom - as they are supposed to do - and that started the wailing again. We were third in line and I saw him sitting in his chair with his backpack on as patiently as he could until he was told he could come to us. When he was told he could, he walked to Mrs. V who kneeled down and spoke to him for a minute. He listened as best he could through his tears before walking to me so I could pick him up. He told me through sobs that no one hit him today. He just looked defeated. He looked like he was exhausted from the day and he knew he had no choice over whether he went to school or not. His little voice wanted to be happy, but he just couldn't muster it.

The teacher spoke to us for a while - which I'm sure the other parents were growing impatient. She told us that he did cry for a lot of the day. He didn't eat his snack and he didn't play much with the toys. She said that to keep him moving, whenever any child had to go to the potty they would take Handsome as well so that it would keep him moving and not thinking about missing us. Once they got to the hallway and were waiting for the other child he would ask the teacher, "Is that cars out there? Let's go see the cars. Is that grass out there? Let's go see the grass." He knew the direction where Mommy and Daddy last were and that's where he wanted to go so he was trying to trick the teacher into going out that way. She said he was right next to a teacher all day, primarily Mrs. S and they put him next to "two very sweet boys." I'm assuming they were two other slightly timid boys. Mrs. V said he was just very attached to me.

Once we were in the car he calmed down much faster than the first day and he asked for his snack that he didn't eat in the school. He was very disappointed that he didn't still have his yogurt - I'm assuming they opened it, and they couldn't very well put an open container of yogurt back in his bag. He did still have goldfish and his juice - which is really what they call flavored water.

Once we were home he kept telling me that he loved me and telling Junior that he loved him. He said he didn't want to go to preschool, he just wanted to stay home with Mommy and Daddy. He did however start singing a song that I had never taught him. "Two little fishies swimmin' in the sea, one little fishy swimmin in the sea, Can't catch me! Crocodile! Snap!" He did all the hand signals and laughed when he finished. He was singing it all day. He said Mrs. S taught it to him. That one little song was a sign of hope for me. It meant he was paying attention, and the teachers were really trying. From the way he said it, Mrs. S was singing it just for him, but who knows if that's actually the case.

Friday night, though, he did start the crying again. When I went into his room he told me he didn't want to go to preschool anymore. I kept having to return to his room until I promised him that the following morning we would play Chutes and Ladders. He didn't wake up anymore after that. I think I only had to go into his room twice before he fell asleep.

Monday, tomorrow, will be the first time that DH has to drop off and pick up Handsome alone. I really hope this gets easier soon. He really is so social, and I don't know why this is hitting him so hard.

Calling Teachers

I called Handsome's teachers today. I called Mrs. V first but she didn't answer her phone so I left a message. An hour later, I got impatient because I wanted to talk to someone before his next class tomorrow, so I called Mrs. S. Mrs. S. answered her phone. She said Handsome sat next to her almost all day and she didn't see anyone hit him. She said she saw one girl poke a little boy in the eye, but she didn't think Handsome even saw it. We spoke for about ten minutes and she said she would keep an eye on him tomorrow to make sure nothing happened to him.

Then a few hours later Mrs. V called back. She said she got my message and she had spoken to Mrs. S. She told me most of the same as what Mrs. S. said. She said that when he came in the morning he was fine and played with the toys just like everyone else. She said once it was time to sit in their chairs and she sat everyone down, she looked over at him and he just had a long stream of tears on his cheeks. He didn't make any noise, he just had the tears. She said when she saw that, she made sure Mrs. S went to sit next to him. (Mrs. V being the main teacher and Mrs. S being the support teacher). She said they even had a third teacher there and the third teacher would stay until all the children are used to going to preschool. So that's three teachers with 16 kids. Handsome would be fine for a while and then he would just start to get the tears again. She said he didn't really do any loud crying - until the cries at and after the playground time. She said he lit up when she told them it was snack time. She saw that the prospect of snack time made him happy so she gave him his snack first. He was apparently very happy during snack time except when the girl sitting next to him started to eye his snack. Mrs. V then reminded the class that everyone has their own snack and they don't share snacks unless it is a party day. She asked me what his favorite toys were and said she would make sure that he got time with them in the morning to make sure he was happy first thing in the morning. She also said that after seeing their personalities she was going to change the seating chart to make sure that children sat next to those who they were most compatible with. She said she was planning to put Handsome and a couple other kids up near her so that she could keep an eye on them, and there were a couple other children she was going to put back next to Mrs S so that she could keep an eye on them. It made it sound like poor Mrs S was going to get all the troublemakers and Mrs V was taking all the quieter kids in the front. Handsome's day apparently made a turn for the worse when Mrs V told them they were going to the playground and he remembered that Mommy wasn't there. Then it crescendo'ed when they had to come back inside and he saw all the parents. I'm assuming it's because he couldn't see us (we were around the corner) and all the children had to come back into the classroom before the parents could pick them up.

So after all that, I do feel better. It sounds like he is just really unsure of school, which is completely different from another child bullying him. It also sounds like the teachers were paying attention to him and trying to reassure him. Mrs V also sounded like she thought I was going to pull Handsome from her class and she kept telling me to let him try again and it would get better. She did also mention that she thought he looked young and her and the other teacher checked his birth certificate to see if he was one of the younger students. Nope, he's not. She said she thought it was because he had a round face so it made him look younger.

Today Handsome made up for his lack of sleep yesterday. He took a four hour nap and went to bed without problems. I am hugely relieved that he went to bed easily. I was afraid that he would cry because he knows he's supposed to go to school tomorrow. I even had him help me chose what snack to give him so he knows he's going back. I really hope tomorrow goes better. I pray tomorrow goes better.

Dear Lord, please keep Handsome safe and let him enjoy preschool.

I fail.

I put Handsome to bed, and then it began. Junior took more effort to put to bed than normal. I almost had him asleep and then I hear Handsome crying in his room. It wasn't a normal cry. It was a fearful cry. Like he was terribly afraid of something. I put Junior down faster than I normally would have and went to Handsome's room. I was afraid he had fallen or hurt himself in some way.

I went to Handsome's room and his whole face was wet with tears. I held him and asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't want to go to preschool because they hit him. Yeah. I deserve mother of the year award. I apparently sent my child to a war zone - preschool style. He is now terrified. I wasn't there, so I obviously don't know what the actual circumstances were. All I know is that my son can't sleep because he is so afraid of the children in his class. He is repeatedly waking up crying.

I'm calling his teacher tomorrow. I don't want to be a pain, but this is my son. If he doesn't like his first experience with school, he is never going to really like school. I have to be able to make sure that he is safe. If some kid is pummeling him at school, I need to know and I will remove him. If it is instead a single hit and he's just afraid because it's his first experience, that is different and we will deal with that as best we can.

Is my kid going to be the kid that is beat up on at school? Is he going to be the weak personality? I've never seen him in that light, but maybe it's because he has always been at home. Maybe it's because I'm blinded by the fact that he's my son. He has never really been afraid of anything until now.

I feel like I've done something terribly wrong. I feel like I've hurt him by putting him in that situation.

How do I make this better??

He's a preschooler

Today was Handsome's first day of preschool. It was an adventure as I had no doubt it would be.

Handsome typically wakes up between 7am and 7:30am, so of course this morning I woke up at 8am and he wasn't awake yet. I had to go wake him up so that we would all be ready in time for preschool. He was so excited that he didn't want to eat breakfast. He took a few bites of his yogurt and then said that he was done and ready for preschool. DH got him ready as I put my contacts in and got Junior ready to go. When DH went to go get ready, I took Handsome and Junior out on the deck to take pictures (none of which turned out well. Boo.).

We all get in the car and drive to his school. We got there exactly on time when the plan was to get there about ten minutes early. I took a couple more pictures at his school. He was very excited. We went yesterday to meet the teacher and his classmates and he found a toy vacuum in the class. Vacuums are his favorite, so he was very happy to find that. This morning all he wanted to do was get to school so that he could play with the vacuum. We had to wait in line at the door of his classroom so that we could give his forms to the teacher. Handsome kept trying to sneak in before it was his turn because he was eager to get in the classroom. It was finally our turn and he went in without any problem. DH, Junior and I walked away hoping for the best.

At home Junior took a nap, DH studied, and I edited Handsome's pictures. I guess editing the pictures made me feel like he was still at home with us. It felt weird that he wasn't home with us, but I didn't cry. I did get tears, but that's all. I thought he would be ok.

And then it was time to pick him up. We got there about ten minutes early because there was no way I was going to be late on his first day. Everyone was there early and all the parents had formed a line at the door. It was packed. We were further back in the line so we were around the corner and couldn't actually see any of the children. The last 20 min of their schedule is playground time, so they were just coming inside. As they were coming inside I hear one child crying - wailing. I thought, hmm, that cry sounds awfully familiar. DH moved up and peeked around the corner, and sure enough, it was Handsome. He was crying his little heart out. He was the ONLY child crying and he did not care a bit about that. DH asked if we got priority to pick our child up first since he was the one crying. Nope. We had to wait in line and endure the crying. I kind of wanted him to see that the teacher could comfort too, but really I just wanted to hold my baby and tell him everything would be ok.

Finally it was our turn. I was holding Junior, so DH took Handsome from the teacher. He clung to DH like his life depended on it. My poor baby. The teacher said he had done well the whole day. He got a little sad in the morning when he realized we were gone, but they distracted him easily and then he was fine. He had his snack time and loved it. THEN they told him it was time to play on the playground. She said he realized that Mommy wasn't there for the playground and that's when he started the crying. She said don't worry about it, just bring him on Friday and he'll be fine. She was very caring and understanding and I wanted to talk a little longer to her, but I also wanted to get my wailing child out of the building and let the other parents pick up their children.

As soon as we got outside, I traded Junior for Handsome. I held him, told him I loved him and that everything would be ok, and then I asked him why he was crying. Through hiccups and sobs he told me that Mrs. S told him he had to go to the playground but he didn't want to go the playground and that he wanted to go home. He cried all the way to the car and even after I put him in his carseat. He calmed down soon though - enough so that we could go pick up filters on the way home.

In asking him what he did during the day, I got a lot of little snippets. I asked him what his favorite part of the day was. He said he played with the vacuum and vacuumed the carpet (there's no carpet in his room). He said he "sweeped" but when I asked him again, he said, "No, I didn't sweeped! The kids took it away! They didn't share!" He also said, "The kids hit me! That's not nice!" And this is the part where I want to protect him from all the meanies that want to hurt my baby. He needs to learn to stick up for himself and he needs to learn that all kids aren't nice, but he's been so happy that I don't want them to take that away from him. I also don't want him to copy them. I really hope there aren't any mean kids in his class. I know some hitting and not sharing is normal, I just hope no one decides to pick on him. It sounds like he is not one of the more dominant children.

He also said that he "slide" on the playground and that Mrs. V laughed when he "slide." So it sounds like the teachers were trying to get him to play outside even though he wasn't happy about me not being there. He also said he was crying because the time was finished for the playground, so maybe they got him happy and then when they told him it was time to come in, it started over again? He loved snack time too.

I asked him if he wanted to go back to preschool after he seemed to have forgotten about the crying and he said, "Yes! Please! Can we go?! Please!" Then he asked if DH and I could go with him. He wasn't happy when I said no, but he still said he wanted to go. Sadly, I won't be with them on Friday when he goes back. I sincerely hope he does better on Friday. I hope he loves preschool and I hope the other kids are nice to him. I hope he makes friends in his class.

Do you hear that?

Quiet. It is blissful right now. I don't know how long it is going to last, but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

My kitchen is clean. My floors are vacuumed.

I gave Handsome and Junior their baths together tonight. It was... interesting. I put Junior's baby bath inside the big bath and filled them both up. Junior sits pretty well now, plus he can balance himself on the sides of the little whale bathtub. Only problem was when he wanted to grab his toes so he would lean forward too far and I'd be afraid he was going to face plant in the water. It didn't happen though. He was very content sitting in the water and watching his older brother play with the duck that was very busy flying everywhere. I let Handsome dry himself and put lotion on himself so that I could dry and lotion Junior. Only snag was when Handsome wanted the longer Anansi story and Junior was too tired and cranky to sit through the entire story. Handsome had to settle for the shorter book and I promised to read the longer story to him in the morning.

After Handsome went to sleep, I nursed Junior and put him in his crib (actually the playpen) which as of yesterday is now in my bedroom. We put the white noise machine up there so that when I go to bed, I won't wake him up. Junior fell asleep on cue and is now sleeping upstairs.

DH is downstairs studying.

And me? I am all by myself. Bliss. I love my boys and I love my DH. They are my life. But sometimes I just want to sit alone with my thoughts. I need a few minutes alone each day to relax, but these days I rarely get that. In fact, I'm not sure I've really had that since Junior was born. Well, maybe in the car as I drive to work. And I do have my own office, but alone time at work doesn't really count.

One week from today

One week from today, Handsome starts preschool.

Preschool.

My baby is starting preschool.

I know he will love it. He is so incredibly social and outgoing that he will love being able to spend that much time with a group of children his age. To him it will just be more people that he can try to impress. It may be scary for him at first since Mommy and Daddy won't be there, but I think he'll get over that quickly. Once he realizes that we will always come back for him, I think he will be fine.

Me on the other hand? How will I handle things? I thought I was going to do fine. I thought I knew that this was a good step for Handsome and was happy knowing I had made the right decision. I thought I had a handle on things. And then I saw my friends sending their children off to school. And just reading their stories I started to tear up. Yeah, I'm gonna cry. I have to hold it together long enough to let Handsome know that everything is fine and then I'm going to turn around and cry. I know this is good for him, but I also know that he is my baby and my baby is growing up. DH is going to laugh at me. He's going to be completely perplexed as to why I am crying. I don't think I could explain it to him if I wanted to. I don't think I can really explain it to myself. I'm sure I'll write a lot more on the day we meet his teachers and the day we drop him off at school and maybe by then I'll be able to verbalize why I'm so emotional about everything. I took two vacation days so that I could be there to meet his teachers and classmates and so that I could drop him off and pick him up on his very first day of preschool. I don't think I could have handled sitting at work and not being there with him for this.

Teeth

The bottom right tooth has broken through. The teeth are coming. Beware.

Er... Nine months?

I broke out the nine month clothes for Junior yesterday. He looks much more comfortable now, but it also looks like he won't last long in them and I may have to jump to the 12 month clothes soon.

Do you remember how old Junior is?? FOUR months - not nine.

All of Junior's clothes are the same clothes that Handsome wore (and the same clothes my brother's boys both wore) so that means they each have memories attached to them. These nine month clothes were the clothes that Handsome was crawling around in, pulling up in, and walking in. It's very weird to see clothes that I associate with a highly mobile child on my four month old. Junior is rolling all over the place and scooting to get to things, but definitely not crawling or walking yet.

Junior is his own person. He seems determined to stand out as an individual so that no one says he is just like Handsome.

I love you, Junior. Even though you may look a lot more like your Daddy, you have my personality through and through - both the good and the not so good.

It's funny how things work out like that. I think Handsome looks more like me, but has DH's personality and Junior looks more like DH but has my personality. Of course none of us is exactly the same, but more that we are leaning in the directions I'm describing.

Blissful sleep

Last night Junior slept for six hours straight again! Woo-hoo! And to make things even better, I got to sleep six hours as well. I did get up once to move him back to where the motion detector could feel him and DH woke me up a couple times cause the chair he sleps in right now makes too much noise when he turns over. BUT I fell back to sleep quickly each time so I'm counting this as a good night's sleep.

Ah, sleep, how I have missed you.

And when Junior woke up, he wasn't screaming. He cried a normal baby cry and it was a wonderful sound.

I don't really know what made him turn a corner like that. Maybe it was the threat of medicine? Maybe he heard my pleas? Maybe he was just as tired as we were? Maybe the keeping him upright for 20min after a feeding really does help? Maybe God heard my pleas? Maybe he likes the new location of his playpen? Maybe he just grew out of the worst of the reflux?

Whatever the reason, I am immensly grateful. Immensly. If I didn't want to lose more sleep, I would throw a party in celebration.

Now we have to pray that this isn't just a fluke couple nights. Also, I am moving him and I upstairs this weekend to my bedroom so we have to pray that the change in scenery doesn't spoil things.

Sleep

So the night after Junior's doctor's appointment was... difficult. He cried for hours. His reflux seemed worse and he was just plain miserable. As a result, both DH and I were also miserable. He hardy slept at all and he would wake up screaming. I think now that his immunizations contributed to him not feeling well. He's never reacted poorly to immunizations before, and these were all boosters, but I still think they were part of the problem.

The following night was better. I was still up every hour, but at least the crying was less. And then we moved to a couple two hour intervals. We also moved his playpen a little further away and put the motion sensor on him, so that I wouldn't worry about him rolling to his belly in the middle of the night and get him up prematurely.

But last night? Wanna know what happened? He slept for six hours straight!!!!! Woo-hoo! That's the first time he's ever slept that long. Prior to this he's slept about four hours a couple times, but that's it.

I, however, did not sleep for six hours. I was stressed about work and my mind would not slow down no matter how tired I was. Then once I fell asleep his monitor alarm went off because he had rolled off of it. I moved him and slept again. And then the same thing happened again... maybe two more times - it is kinda blurry. The last time the alarm went off I had to get up and ready for work. So I got about four hours total. I hope to get more sleep soon.

Four Month Stats

Junior had his four month check up today. He was 18 pounds and 25.75 inches long. This put him at 95% for weight and 75% for height. The child is huge. Everything else seemed to be on track. The dr did try to get us on reflux medication, but I don't think it's serious enough for that. She saidwe could also try a teaspoon of maalox before bedtime if we wanted something more mild.

Delirious Laughter

Delirious = Me.
Laughter = Junior.

No. Sleep. I have had no sleep. Junior has been waking up and crying every hour. This means that I get 30-45min sleep intervals between getting up and feeding Junior. I know I should stop feeding him so often so that he doesn't get hungry and doesn't need to be fed, but he doesn't just cry, he screams. It must be reflux or heartburn - or maybe those are the same things. I don't know. His latch has improved 100 fold. He hardly ever swallows air anymore so I can't blame it on that. When he wakes up screaming he does usually spit up when I pick him up. Last night I asked DH to help hold him which gave me a 1.5 hour interval of sleep, but Junior seems to search for me in particular at night. He will cry if DH holds him and then quiet down fairly quickly once DH hands him to me. It's not the same during the day. During the day he could really care less who is holding him, he just wants to be held and entertained - the entertainment part is preferably done by his brother.

We go to his four month check up tomorrow and I know they are going to tell me not to feed him at night anymore or that we need to give him medicine. I don't want to do either, but I do recognize that something must be done. My body feels like it is going to crash soon from lack of sleep.

Junior, despite the sleep issues, is growing and thriving. He is now starting on the belly laughs. DH will tickle his neck or his chest and Junior will laugh the loudest, heartiest, most contagious laugh. I took a video of it a few days ago and you can hear all four of us laughing at the same time.

Scooter

Junior is scooting. If you put a toy in front of him, he will roll to his belly and push his legs behind him so that he will scoot forward and get the toy. He is still technically three months old. While I am glad that he is progressing and doing new things, I'm also a little afraid of such a young child being so mobile. I'm also not so happy that he can flip over onto his belly at night while he's supposed to be sleeping. I'm still terrified of SIDS and I haven't figured out how to rig the playpen that he sleeps in to put the motion sensor under where he is sleeping. Just to make things worse DH added that a boy between the ages of 2-4 months is the most likely to have SIDS. Thanks Dear.

And Junior is still getting up every 2 hours at night. I need sleep. Seriously.

On a roll

And this morning? Junior turned from his back to his belly - many times. Apparently he decided this weekend was the weekend for progress.

Junior makes progress

Today was a landmark day for Junior. He turned over from his belly to his back twice!! He almost turned from his back to his belly but his pesky arm was in the way.

He is sitting pretty good these days as well. He does have a tendency to kick his legs and then fall on his back or else lean forward too far and fall on his forehead, but if you keep his attention in the right place and don't get him too excited, he can sit for a good amount of time.

He still spits up very frequently and he is the slobber king. His latch is not the best, but no matter how I plea, he won't fix his latch.

He is the size of a six month old. I should start putting him in 9 month clothes so that he has a bit more space to breathe, but I'm in denial.

Time. I need more of it.

There are not enough hours in the day. Who decided on 24 hours anyway?? And who decided we had to work 8 of them? Eight sounds like a small number, but somehow that number gets s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d and I don't think I ever just spend 8 hours at work. And this is just my job-work. Not my home-work.

So this is a day from my recent "schedule:"

7am - Feed baby
7:30 - shower, get kids ready
8:30 - Leave house
9:00 - arrive at work
7:30 - leave work
8:00 - get home, pump milk for tomorrow while watching kids
9:00 - eat dinner
9:30 - Handsome's bedtime routine begins
10:00 - Feed baby while talking to DH or watching tv
11:00 - bedtime
1:00am - Feed baby
1:30am - Sleep
3:00am - Feed baby
3:30am - Sleep
5:00am - Feed baby
5:30am - Sleep
cycle continues....
(Baby feeding times vary on demand. Lately he's actually been getting up every hour. Don't know what's up with that madness.)

Did you notice how much "me" time is in there??? Yeah, none. Closest I get is about an hour between Handsome's bedtime and the time my body decides it has had enough and I just fall asleep. That time isn't even really my time as I am talking to DH and holding/feeding the baby at the same time. Work time could possibly be considered my time as I sit in my office alone, but I am working to support my family and I just started a rather stressful trial period for a possible promotion in a year and a half, so basically it provides no relief.

So when am I supposed to find time to go to the gym or practice photography? I need both of those for my own health, and I just don't get the opportunity. I keep seeing lessons for a 365 or 52 week photography challenge and I REALLY want to participate so that I can get better and I just can't find enough time. I see people that improve so much in one year and here I am going along at a snail's pace. I get about once a month where I can get a couple hours to practice. I tried to take a picture of Handsome last night and he thought it was funny to run away at the last minute. Yeah, Handsome, very funny. Then I tried to take Junior's picture and he started to cry because it was time to feed him. Then it was time to put Handsome to bed. When I finished there it was time to feed Junior again so that he would fall asleep for his longer sleep period. And at that point I couldn't take a picture of anything else because all the lights in the house needed to be off. GAH.

I know DH is having just as hard a time because he has the kids all day long and the few minutes that he might get he has to spend on school work.

Oh Lord how I need strength.

I spy something...

So this morning I was feeding Junior and Handsome sat next to me and asked to play a game. I knew he meant that he wanted to play a game on my phone, but it was nowhere near me and I didn't really want him to play a game on there anyway. So I decided to teach him how to play "I Spy;" albeit a modified version. So I would choose a color and he would have to find something in the room with that color and then it would be his turn. He would chose colors before he found something in the room that was actually that color and I would struggle to find something that color. In case you are wondering, there is very little pink or yellow in my living room.

So it was my turn to choose a color and I chose brown. We have lots of wood so I figured he would chose the coffee table or the tv stand. The first time I chose brown he chose the chair that was barely within his line of sight, completely ignoring the ginormous coffee table a mere foot from him. I thought I would give him a second chance to choose the obvious rather than the obscure. His answer: "My toes!"

This was the first time he showed any awareness of skin color. Now I wonder how long it is going to take for him to ask why people are different colors; and especially why Mommy and Daddy look different. He asked DH why his privates were big - meaning bigger than what Handsome had. DH said it was because he was older so everything was bigger. He is definitely starting to notice and become curious about more of the world around him.

Independence Day

Handsome went to see his first fireworks show on Sunday. We met a couple friends and sat on the lawn of the Pentagon to watch the fireworks in DC. Handsome was more interested in playing games on the iPhone than the actual fireworks display. He was not into the sitting still part either. Maybe it was because we were too far away, but at the same time he did say he didn't like the loud noise, so I'm not sure it would have been any better if we were closer.

I didn't get to see much as I was trying to keep Handsome near us and Junior decided he was hungry. So overall it wasn't one of my best experiences watching the fireworks. And on the way home Handsome peed in his carseat.

I'm hoping it will get better when Handsome is older (and Junior).

Darn Blasted Thumbs

Handsome is a thumb sucker thru and thru. He was sucking his thumb when I had my first ultrasound, found out how to get his thumb to his mouth within a week of birth, and sucks his thumb to this day. I never really worried about it because I sucked my thumb until I started kindergarten and never had any problems because of it. Handsome however seems to be more serious about it and now has his top front teeth coming out too far in front of his bottom front teeth. And he seems to have a permanent scar on each cheek from scratching there.

I was pretty happy that Junior hadn't found his thumbs yet. He would just stick his entire fist in his mouth or put it to his lips. In the last couple days though, he has found his thumb. Grr. It's not every time that he does it, but enough to see a trend.

On an unrelated note, I broke out the 6 month clothes for Junior. I should have done that a couple weeks ago but I was in denial. He's so tall!

Day 1: Success.

So yesterday was my first day back to work. It went SO much better than the first day back after my maternity leave for Handsome. I think it's because I knew what to expect and I knew that both Handsome and Junior were in responsible, caring, capable hands. And apparently since I had Handsome, I have figured out how to function on very little sleep. Last time I was in a complete haze for at least a month after I returned to work. Simple conversations were so hard to comprehend, much less trying to accomplish actual critical thinking.

Yesterday I was able to work with a clear head - well, as clear as my head gets - and I didn't cry a single time. Go me! DH said that Junior was a champ. Junior took his very first bottle. He was apprehensive as to what in the world DH was doing at first, but after a bit of milk dripped on his lips, he reached up and grabbed the bottle to try to get it to his mouth. After he finished his bottle he smiled and coo'ed at DH. DH said he smiled after every bottle and was in a great mood all day. He only spit up once the entire day. Junior has a terrible latch normally and I figured the bottle would be easier for him to take. I want him to have breastmilk for many reasons though, so I needed him to keep trying to get a better latch. I was a bit afraid that he wouldn't want to nurse when I came home after having the ease of the bottle all day, but he did. He did so well. So well that now as I'm writing this I'm starting to tear up. LOL. He did eat a lot while I was at work though. I pumped four ounces more than he ate over a 12 hour period and I was hoping to pump a lot more than he ate to help build up the reserves. Oh well.

Talking about reserves, our refrigerator sounds like it is limping along. If our freezer dies and all my milk spoils I will be SOOO upset. We have it covered under the home warranty, but I'm pretty sure they will only come after it dies, not prior to. If I had the money, I would buy a little freezer to put in the basement or in the back so that I would have a back up, but alas I don't have the funds for that.

So how many hours did I work yesterday? Eleven and a half. Nothing like jumping right in, right? I have tons of work that has built up, so I should get to it.

Oh, and DH said that Handsome did really well yesterday too. He was helping DH with Junior all day.

My little ballerina.... err, ballerino?

I had to blog this so that I will remember to embarrass Handsome about this someday. He was running around the living room in circles with his hands above his head saying, "I'm a ballerina! I'm a ballerina!!" I had to ask him to repeat himself because I couldn't believe that was actually what he was saying. Granted he was about as ungraceful has he could be and laughing as he said it, but mark my words, I'll put him in ballet if he keeps talking about it.

To his credit, he changes daily what he says he is: cowboy, soccer player, football player, drummer, singer, fireman, policeman, dancer, doctor. My dad swears Handsome is going to be an actor someday. I can totally see that happening.

When I was little, I was shy. If my mother dared to ask me to take money to pay for something, I would cower behind her legs and proceed to cry if she pressed me. Handsome is completely the opposite. He will walk up to absolutely anyone. Not a shy bone in his body (unless tired, but those are special circumstances). He will purposefully do something he thinks is funny to get someone else's attention. At the grocery store, he will say hi to everyone that we pass. If they don't hear him or don't acknowledge him, he will repeat himself - just louder. It is definitely forcing me to talk to more complete strangers.

We had him in an ABC class while I was on maternity leave. It was one where either DH or I had to be there with him to help him. He was outgoing as long as he was sure I wasn't going to leave him. We just signed him up for swimming lessons where I think he has to be there without us. I'm hoping the fact that he gets to play in the water will make him forget that we aren't there with him. Then he is starting preschool this fall.

ok... both babies are awake now. must go.

Back to the grind

Tomorrow I head back to work. I could have waited until Thursday, but I looked at our finances and I need as much of a paycheck as I can get. I shouldn't have taken off as much time as I did, but we were expecting DH to be able to work for half of the time that I was home. He got a temp job for two days and that's it. There were no positions open for him. That has really hurt our financial standing - not that it was so great to start out with.

When the economy crashed our house lost more than half of it's value. I'm not sure it will ever get back up to where it was before. Our original plan was to move in 2011 either to a bigger house around here (we have two bedrooms and now there are four of us) or to move back to TX. Now I'm not sure we will ever be able to move. Ever. The bank isn't going to eat a loss of more than 100k and we certainly don't have that in the bank to pay it off. And just to add a little salt, Ray's education is taking longer than we ever planned for, so our well will soon run dry. It is literally making me sick to think that I am stuck here forever. It makes me sick that tax dollars went to save banks and yet they will do NOTHING to help people in my situation.

I need to accept today for all the wonderful things it brings instead of focusing on the negatives. I try, but in the end I continue to focus on financial issues and weight issues and every little negative thing. I look to the future or to the past for the illusive perfect conditions. Prior to joining the Peace Corps, i would always focus on the future and what I needed to do to get there - where ever there was. As a result I paid little attention to the present time. While in the Peace Corps, I soaked in every moment. I loved it. I was happier than I had ever been. Even when I was crying in my living room eating raw noodles for lack of fire to cook with, I was truly living in the moment. And now? Now I either look back to my days in Ghana or I look forward to the days where we will be financially sound and I won't have to work. I can't change jobs because then I couldn't pay bills and we can't move somewhere where the bills would be less because we can't sell this house. Caught between a rock and a hard place as they would say. All the while my parents aren't getting any younger and I would really like to be able to move closer to them. I want my children to get to know their grandparents.

I want to live somewhere that feels like home. I don't know geographically where home is. It may be TX or it may be Ghana. It may even be the same town I'm in now, but in a different neighborhood. What I do know, is that this house that I live in now is not home. It was a stepping stone that ended up being a trap.

So back to the grind I go. I go to work while DH stays home with our children. I desperately want to stay home with the boys. DH desperately wants to get a job to support our family. We are both learning to live with what life has thrown at us. What matters is that we are together and we have two happy, healthy sons.

Junior's Progress

Junior is doing well. He is talking more than Handsome ever did at this age. He is lifting his head, staying up for long stretches during the day and sleeping for longer stretches at night.

His excema that was cured is now coming back. Grr. I did put the mega lotion on it every day, but apparently that wasn't enough. Now I don't know if I need to lather on more lotion or put on the hydrocortisone to make the outbreak disappear. I should call the pediatrician tomorrow to find out what I need to do.

Junior is an intent stare-er - not sure if that is a word. The boy will stare you down. He will fuss until he has someone or something to stare at. The mobile that Handsome never cared about will keep Junior occupied for quite a while. It seems like he is studying you. He also smiles so easily. If he hears my voice, or DH's or Handsome's, he will smile and coo. His favorite place is to lay on the changing table. Yes, it's a bit weird, but it's just under the fan and in the middle of the room. He loves it.

At his 2 month appointment he was basically 50% for everything.

After weeks of going to the gym...

So after weeks of going to the gym I am at ... drumroll please... T-60 pounds. I have lost a grand total of 0 pounds. No joke. I am doing cardio for 30 min a day and I have lost no weight. So far it doesn't bother me, but I'm sure it will soon. Even though I haven't lost any weight, I do feel better. I can now get up and down much easier and I feel like I have more energy. For now, that's good enough for me. My vices are Coca cola and Oreos. I should give up both and I'm sure I will... eventually.

I had to buy new clothes today because I'm going back to work in two weeks and I don't fit in any of my clothes and naked isn't a good look for me.

You know what motivates me at the gym? When I see people that are further away from the ideal weight than I am or people that look like they would be less motivated than me. When I see them working their tails off. I see them and think if they can do this then I can do this. Today I saw an elderly couple that looked like they were in their upper seventies and they were lifting weights with a trainer. I also saw two women who were maybe twice my weight working their tails off - pun intended - to lose weight.

Someday I'll lose weight. Right?

Who am I?

So in all this baby making, I've neglected to take time for myself. With Handsome and now Junior demanding my time and my basic desire to spend time with them, and with my work and DH's school I didn't feel like I had time for myself. When my maternity leave finishes I still don't know if I'll be able to find that time. But I need to. I have to.

After two pregnancies I have an extra 60 pounds on my body that was already too big for my own good. My family has a history of high blood pressure, heart attacks, type 2 diabetes and I'm sure there is more that I just don't know about. I need to focus on me and get back in to a healthy body weight.

As an extra motivator I've noticed I don't get around as well as I used to. Prior to pregnancies I used to sit on the ground without using my hands to brace myself and get back up without using my hands. It's hard to explain in typing, but it just means I had good balance and strong leg muscles. I can't do either of those anymore. I think it is interfering with me being able to play with my children like I should.

I joined a gym last week. It's hard to go, but I feel so much better even from this short amount of time going. Not only do I get to work out my heart and my muscles, but I get time all alone. It is restful even though I'm working out like I haven't in years.

So here we are at T-60 pounds. I wonder if I can continue to work to lose the weight.

Lows and Highs

I took Junior to the doctor for his rash on his face. The doctor said he had excema that was past the point of being treated just by moisturization and it had a bacterial infection. So he was prescribed hydrocortisone twice a day alternating with a anti-bacterial creme. I almost cried inthe doctor's office. I just felt like I must be doing something terribly wrong with Junior since he seems to be having so many struggles so early in his life. I just want my baby to be healthy n

The medicine has worked wonders in record time. His face has cleared up and is even becoming smooth and soft again. Not only has his face cleared up his stool has turned back into the normal infant yellow. Yay! He is actually sitting still and being happy at the same time. He never really had much happy awake time before. He's also starting to sleep in slightly longer intervals. It is such a relief to see all these signs that he is becoming a happy healthy child.

At the same time we got a surprise trip to the beach! We got a room at a discounted rate that we would never normally get so we packed our things and headed for the water. We have had an awesome time. Handsome has been so excited to play on the water and in the sand and Junior has been lulled to sleep by the ocean breeze and the sound of the waves. Not only have the kids been happy but DH and I have even gotten time to ourselves. We are here with some of DHs friends and they offered to babysit the kids and let us go on a date. Awesome. A Godsend. We went out to eat and I got a crabcake that was one of the best I've ever eaten. It was so good to eat out without having to keep track of any children. I'd forgotten what that felt like.

Everything is good.

Stupid no good allergy

Stupid no good allergy. I wish I could punch you in the gut and throw you into the gutter. If I could get my hands on you I would get rid of you forever. And really, if there was ever a time I wished I cussed, now would be it.

Junior now has excema. From all that I've read it's because he's allergic to something I'm eating. You know what would be cool? If the excema would spell on his forehead what he was allergic to. A self diagnosing rash.

I bought Aveeno soap and Aquaphor today to try to soothe his skin.

Happy Birthday Handsome!

My baby, Handsome, is now three years old. I can't believe he's already three. To celebrate we went with one of his best buds - as best a bud he can have at 2 1/2 to 3 - to the zoo. Handsome loved it. He ran around to see as much as he could but made sure his little bud was nearby. He got to feed goats and sheep and almost got to pet a huge turtle - though I don't think he was supposed to. We got to ride behind a tractor and see bison, etc come right up to us.

After the zoo we bought his "birthday bicycle." Again, he was in love. That bike is too cute. It's a Cars bicycle with 12" wheels - the smallest size you can get. He didn't get to ride it until the following day though. At first he just didn't get how to peddle or how to steer. I was thinking he might be too young for the bicycle. But within an hour he had it all figured out. He wasn't as good at the uphill part, my guess is because those muscles had just never been used before, but he got it by the end of the time we spent outside.

After his naptime we went to the bounce house with my mothers group - and his little bud again. Once again he ran around like he just couldn't get enough of it.

I think he had a really good day. Even I had a good time. It was awesome to see Handsome so entertained and joyful, but it was also awesome to get in some adult conversation. I can't remember the last time I got to do that - well, with someone outside my family and in town.

But now we are kinda paying the price. I figured we'd all end up with colds, but hoped against odds. Now we all have colds. It's been mild for everyone so far, but I didn't get any sleep last night because Junior struggling to breathe scared me. DH is at work today, but I'm hoping he'll let me sleep when he gets home.

Oh, and there are cookies and ice cream in my kitchen that I REALLY wish I could eat. Stupid milk.

Ugly Poo

Ugh. The intricacies of infant poo are beating me. We had to take Junior to the dr because he had blood in his stool. It wasn't a huge amount but it was recurrant and noticeable. The dr guessed that it was either from an allergy to something I was eating or his bad latch was making me bleed and that was going through his system. So she had me get rid of all traces of dairy over this past weekend. That is not an easy task. I haven't seen the blood for the past few days so maybe that worked? I don't know. His poo is also green and yesterday turned into a watery diarrhea. Bleck. What is wrong with Junior's belly?

Junior isalso getting his share of baby acne.

Yesterday he gave me a genuine smile. It was awesome. I can't wait till those are more common.

Handsome has decided that he doesn't like it when Junior cries. He tells us that he doesn't like the noise and demands that we make it stop. I sure wish we could snap our fingers and make Junior happy.

Milk

Oh milk. How do I hate thee. Let me count the ways.

So I'm allergic to milk. Not REALLY allergic, but still allergic. I get a headache. That's all. Sadly I think Junior may have inherited the allergy. Arg. He has been grumpy, spitting up a lot, and having green mucusy poop. I have been eating a lot of dairy the past few days and I'm afraid that is the culprit. I'm going to try my darndest to reduce the amount of dairy I eat and see if that helps.

On unrelated notes...
Junior has started kind of cooing. It seems early for that but I love it none the less.
We are relying on Disney to get us through times where I have to pay more attention to Junior than Handsome. I feel terrible about it but I don't know how else to do it.
Handsome has been acting pretty well for me but does occasionally tell me that Junior wants to go into his crib - thus freeing me to play with Handsome.

Trusty old swing

Today was the first time that Junior slept in the swing. I found that the only way he would sit in the swing and not cry was by facing him towards the glass doors so that he could see outside and swinging side to side. Handsome preferred swinging back and forth.

I found out the swing trick while Handsome was taking his nap so I got a good hour or so with empty hands. Yay! I should have slept or cleaned my terribly messy and dirty house but instead I ate ice cream and edited pictures. I'm terrible.

Junior is a spit up baby. He won't open his mouth enough when he's nursing so he swallows a lot of air. I keep trying to het him to open his mouth more and he will for a couple seconds but then he goes right back to what he was doing before.

First punch

Junior got his first punch in the face from Handsome today. It wasn't on pirpose but I thought I would docent it anyway. It only took a bit over two weeks. Handsome was lying on the couch next to Junior and I and he wanted to tell me something and for emphasis - because he must always add emphasis - he flung his arm into my lap. Junior was of course in my lap and got whacked in the face. There was crying but not much. It wasn't so bad. I'm sure there is much worse to come.

Oh and btw, Handsome woke up at 7am. DH opened his door and promptly went back to sleep. Now I'm downstairs with both. Granted he was up until about 3 am working on the computer and he did hold Junior for a couple hours so that I could sleep. Still, sleeping till noon seems unfair to me. Yes I could send Handsome up to wake him up, but I know he needs sleep and I'd rather he be in a good mood.

Junior is mine

So in the past few days I can finally see that Junior is mine. I know that sounds weird so let me explain. Handsome has my eyes so it's not hard to look at him and see part of myself looking back at me. Add that to the fact that I've been looking at him for almost three years and I have an image in my head of what my children should look like. I know i would never have children that look identical to eachother but I'm just so used to Handsome that I guess I expected all of my sons to look like him.

Anyway I guess it took two weeks for Junior's face to be etched in my mind. I already had the love and the mother worry but now I have his face etched in there too.

Does this make me a bad mom or is this a normal thing for mothers of more than one boy or more than one girl?

God bless extra hands

DH held Junior for the first time this morning. I can't begin to express how nice it is to be able to go to the bathroom without having to bring Junior with me. And being able to take a shower without worrying about whether Junior is crying. I love watching DH with him. He is now studying his every little feature.

Are you hungry?

"Are you hungry Pooh? Alright. Alright. Mommy, I'm feeding Baby Pooh too!" This is what Handsome said this morning as he was sitting next to Junior and I on the couch. He lifted up his shirt and put Pooh there to breastfeed him. Lol. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's a boy and won't be able to breastfeed.

Monitor entertainment

A couple nights ago I was up feeding Junior and I hear this distinct 'ka-thud' on the monitor. Handsome had fallen out of his bed. I couldn't help but laugh a little to myself. Leave it to Handsome to bring a little levity when I most need it. Then I heard, " mommy?" and he climbed back into bed and fell asleep.

Junior's two week check up

Junior had his two week check up today. His weight gain is really good. I asked about the bump on his head - from going through the birth canal - and she said it would be quite a while before it goes away because it isn't on a joint. She also commented that his rear is a weird shape. I had noticed it before but didn't know if it was an issue or not. She said his legs moved like they were supposed to so it is likely nothing but we'd keep an eye on it. It's hard to explain but it is just a little crooked right at the top of the 'crack'.

Also today was a big day for DH. Today he became a US citizen!!! Talk about relieving some stress. I'm so glad to be done with immigration. Handsome, Junior and I got to be there for the ceremony.

Junior's umbilical cord finally fell off tonight. DH won't hold Junior until the cord has fallen off and the belly button has healed. I'm SO ready for it to heal now that the cord has finally fallen off. I've been the only person taking care of Junior since he was born and I'm tired. Really tired. I would like to feel a bit less alone in taking care of Junior.

Junior's nights

So we've been averaging about three hours of sleep at night. Those hours aren't consecutive though. Last night was better though. I was up every hour or two to feed him but he fell asleep between feedings. We've been sleeping on the new recliner couch. He sleeps on my lap. I know it would be better if he was in the basinet but this way we get the most sleep. I haven't slept in my own bed since we got home . Mostly that is because I didn't want to climb up the stairs while my body was still healing.

Talking about healing, this time around has been much easier. Even the so-called labor amnesia has kicked in faster. I know this time hurt more, but for some reason the aftermath seems easier. weird right?

Junior's First Days

So I'm way behind. I keep meaning to write, but getting the time is hard to do. I'm not even sure how much time I'll have just now.

Our second son, who I think I'll call Junior was born last week.... and is crying on cue right now. Gah. He has a sixth sense to know when I'm trying to do something else.

Junior is different from Handsome. More different than I thought possible. First of all he is taller and skinnier. He is a good three inches or taller than Handsome was at birth. He weighs more but he seems skinnier because of the extra length. He will only eat when he is good and ready to eat - there is nothing that will convince him he is hungry when he is not. His arms actually touch if you stretch them over his head. I didn't know a newborn's arms could do that. It took Handsome maybe six months before his arms could reach each other over his head. When Junior looks around, he looks like he is really studying the place. He's not as quick to grab your hand though - it's more like he will do it just to humor you. He seems to have DH's nose and my jawline. I think he looks nothing like Handsome, but others think he looks just like him, so I don't know if it's a Mom thing that makes me think they are so different or if they actually are.

Handsome has done really wel with having Junior in the house. He always says how he loves his baby brother and how he's so cute. He constantly wants to hold him and kiss him on his head. He has been extra hyper, but that seems to be the only issue the baby has caused. He's also not happy that I haven't been able to do his bedtime routine with him.

Stubborn?

So my second son was born last week. I keep comparing him to Handsome thinking they should still be so similar since the baby is so young, but they are in fact their each individual personalities. I've been trying to think of a nickname for baby #2 but can't think of anything except Stubborn. It is very accurate as he is the most stubborn child I've ever met. He could not be forced to be born whether by due date or induction. He will only eat when he is darn ready and of course his pregnancy was pretty difficult. I'm thinking though that it wouldn't be very nice to nickname one child Handsome and the other Stubborn. I've got to think of something

I'm being called...

My baby's brown eyes

Handsome has the best eyes. They are big and have long lashes and show emotion like no other.

But sadly there is something wrong with his perfect eyes. Feb 21st I noticed that the right eye started to turn in. He would look straight at you with the left eye, but the right eye was doing it's own thing.

We went to the pediatric opthamologist. He told us that his condition isn't severe so we should come back in three months to see if it has gotten worse and then we'll see if there is anything to do at that point. He did give a prescription for when Handsome wants to watch TV - as this is when the turning in is the most prominent. The doctor just didn't seem to be listening to me and treated me a bit like a child. He even answered his cell phone during the grand total of ten minutes that he was talking to us. (Another Dr working under him did all the examination.) I was asking him the cause of his eye turning in and sounded really annoyed that I would even ask.

Handsome's eyes just keep getting worse. Now if I'm standing on the other side of the kitchen and call his attention, his eye will turn when he looks at me. Plus I've started to notice that it's not just the right eye. Sometimes his left eye will get off at the same time. With the progression as fast as it seems, it just seems more severe than that doctor was wanting to concede.

I went ahead and bought glasses for him and I'm hoping that those help. His prescription was not too big. I was prepared for him to have not so good vision as mine sucks, but I've never had any issues with my eyes not working together. This is new.

I'm afraid this will prevent him from doing things he would want to do. Things like play soccer. If he is always required to wear glasses, I don't think it would be safe to be out there playing sports. I'm not sure if contacts would provide the same effect as glasses. I also want him to be able to drive without any problems and be able to read the chalk board in the front of the classroom.

I know this issue is minor compared to more severe problems that he could have. I really do know that. This is just the first thing that has come along to shatter his record of perfect health - minus colds.

And now it makes me worry about Baby #2. Will he be born with something that I can't fix?

Kissing the Snowman

My son and my husband made their very first real snowman at the beginning of this major snow - well, middle of the snow as it seems the snow is never ending. They were both pretty excited about it. I asked Handsome to stand next to the snowman so that I could take their picture together and he said, "No! I kiss the snowman!" No idea why he wanted to kiss the snowman, but he did and I kept thinking I'd get a normal shot after he finished his kissing, but no such luck. LOL. Even so, I thought it was pretty cute that he wanted to kiss the snowman. About 1 minute after this picture was taken, the poor snowman was knocked over. As much as Handsome loved the snowman he is still a little two year old boy and loved the destruction more. Teehee.

Exhausted

This pregnancy has been trying. Overall I've been healthy, but I have felt, well, crappy. Very crappy. I had morning sickness up to 20 or 22 weeks. Now I'm 29 weeks and I'm feeling sick again. How can this be? I am tired all the time, but I can't sleep because I can't get comfortable. I get restless leg and my back is killing me. Today I was nauseous and dizzy and couldn't sit still because of the restless leg and aching back. Plus to add stress I didn't feel the baby kicking as much as normal. He is still moving around, but not with as much gusto as I'm used to. It's worrying me and I don't know if it should or not.

I want it to be early April and to be holding my healthy baby boy.

Christmas Vacation

For Christmas we flew to see my parents. Handsome had the best time of his life there.

My parents have 16+ acres and a matching 16+ cows. Handsome loved being able to run in seemingly endless space and explore everything. DH let him get so close to the cows that the big sandy cow licked him more than once. I was fine with him being close until he startled a couple and they did the jumping thing. Handsome would lose that contest if their hooves got too close. Of course everything was fine. He loved to bring the pellets to the cows to feed everyday and DH and Granddad would leave a few for Handsome to throw over the fence. He would hit the cows in the face trying to make the trough and a few would land under the trough so the cows would have to use their long tongues to try to grab them. And the best part about the land? The tractors. He would climb up to the drivers seat and press as many buttons as he possibly could. He'd laugh his deep belly laugh and the joy would just eminate. Granddad took us on a hay ride around the land and Handsome would sit in the back with me until Granddad decided to stop the tractor to show us some new project he was working on. As soon as we stopped, Handsome would jump out the back and climb back into the drivers seat. Projects, schmojects, who cares when you can sit in the driver's seat of a tractor?

Handsome would walk around the place like he had lived there all his life. It was as if he was not meeting new people, but merely seeing the same people he loved and spent time with daily.

Granddad uses a mug to put his orange juice in. The first morning we were there, Handsome went to sit with Granddad and ask him what he was drinking. Granddad made the mistake of letting Handsome taste the orange juice. From that meal on, Handsome would make Granddad share his seat and his juice at every meal. I'd have to get Granddad a second cup to make sure he actually got to drink some of his juice.

Granddad has a fancy electronic keyboard. It will play sample music to let you see what capabilities it has. The first night we were there, we let Handsome sit at the keyboard and turned on the music. Again, heaven for Handsome. He pretended he was playing that music like a pro. He would move his head to the beat and his hands would press keys from one side of the keyboard to the tippy top of the other side. When the song would end he would give a gentle wave of the hand to add that special little flourish. For the first night he sat there for at least 30 min. An attention span for that long for a 2 year old is amazing. He loved that piano. Every day after that he would go and sit to play the piano, though he didn't reach the 30 min mark again. He managed to learn where the buttons were to play his favorite songs and how to turn the volume up and down. We would laugh and clap for him every time.

And then his cousins came. There are four ranging from 2 years to 8 years. He seemed to fit right in. He would follow them around and they would follow him around. He'd laugh at everything and they would laugh at him. When the bigger boys got their tiny legos though, poor Handsome was shut out. He wanted so bad to play with them, but he just couldn't be around the tiny lego pieces. I also felt bad when he would go to hug and kiss them and they would push him away. I know he needs to learn not to hug and kiss so much, but it broke my heart that he was trying to show them that he loved them and they would push him away. At one point they started playing Ring Around the Rosie, and again, heaven. That is his favorite all time song. He knows all the words and would sing just as loud as the bigger kids.

He got books and stuffed animals for Christmas which he did love, but "things" are secondary to him. He is completely a people person and it was all about the interaction with others. We got him a LeapFrog Tag system. It's an electronic pen that basically reads the book for him. Each picture also talks and at this stage he likes the pictures the best.

For the times when he needed to wind down, we put Caillou and Sesame Street onto the iPod and he would sit quietly and watch those. It worked like magic.

Grandma and Granddad also had a tricycle, little car, and big wheels to ride around the porch on. The tricycle and little car took up a majority of his time. He hadn't quite figured out how to use the peddles, but he was getting closer by the time we had to leave.

When we got back home, poor Handsome kept asking (is still asking) to go see Grandma and Granddad. He looked for them at the airport and was very dissapointed when he didn't see them. After his bath the first night home he asked to go hug and kiss his Granddad. He cried major tears when we told him he couldn't. During the day he asks to go put on his shoes, get in the car, and go to see Grandma and Granddad.

I know he misses them, but I also know it was time to come home. By the last couple days he started to whine at most anything and you could tell his little senses were overwhelmed and he needed to be back in familiar territory.