The past year in review

Around a year ago, we got one of the biggest surprises of our lives. Surprise, Pregnant! We were due mid-October with our first little girl. It has been a bit of a roller coaster since then.

Baby Girl arrived late October at two weeks late. She had to be induced because she was quite comfortable right where she was. DH and I drove through a hurricane to get to the hospital when the doctor’s nurse called and said how soon can you get to the hospital to induce because we need to do this before the storm gets any worse. Then on the way, we got a couple more calls because they didn’t realize we live at least 45 min from the hospital in good traffic. Add heavy rains and wind and branches in the road and it takes a bit longer. Thankfully my parents had driven all the way out to our house two days before so they were able to stay with Handsome and Junior and we didn’t have to worry about finding a babysitter during the storm.

The induction didn’t take long and I got the fabulous epidural so I didn’t have to suffer the labor pains that I did with Junior. She was born about six or seven hours after the induction began. She was 7 pounds 14 oz, so right in the middle of the sizes of the boys and she was tall with long fingers and long toes. She has DH’s eyes and Handsome’s cheeks.

She has been a fabulous newborn. She has consistently slept in the NapNanny so I didn’t have to hold her for the first few months to sleep like I did with the boys. She does not have reflux and is pretty content in general. She despises being on her belly and tummy time is a chore. She did roll from her belly to her back two times a few days ago, but she doesn’t look eager to repeat it anytime soon. She loves to just lay on her back, chew on her fists and talk to anyone who is nearby. She absolutely adores her brothers. She can be crying and suddenly break into a smile if one of her brothers starts talking to her. She is not a thumb sucker, but will stick as many fingers in her mouth at once as she can. She started sleeping in six hour stretches around one or two weeks old. She did end up with a trip to the ER at around 11 weeks old because of wheezing and got a breathing treatment and came home with an inhaler. They said it was the same virus Junior had that just hits infants harder.

DH is now working in an ER. He seems to truly enjoy what he is doing. He works nights which messes up his sleeping cycles and makes it a bit hard to get anything done in the house.

Cleaning the house with a five year old, two year old and infant is a challenge – if not impossible. Fair warning if you ever decide to show up at my house: it’s not pretty.

Junior started preschool in a two and a half year old class in January (since he is now potty trained). It’s two days a week for almost three hours each time at the same school Handsome goes to. He loves it. He cried the first day but the teacher brought Handsome in to help calm him down and then he was fine for the rest of the day. Now he always asks when it is his day to go to school and gets very excited about the crafts they do each day. When I ask who he plays with he tells me it’s Sophia and Sam. He also tells me about the toys he gets to play with in great detail. Recently it’s a “bad guy cat with claws and a hat with a feather and a tail and ears and a sword!” I’m guessing it’s Puss and Boots. Junior is wearing size 4 clothes (only one size below Handsome) and is starting to outgrow them. His language seems to me to be way above his age and that combined with his size makes people assume he is older. I frequently get asked if Handsome and Junior are twins. Junior is extremely loving and extremely stubborn. He always wants to be with Handsome and loves to play with the older kids. His best friend appears to be CJ who is the little brother of a classmate of Handsome’s. CJ is about six months older than Handsome. Junior is a rough and tumble sort and I can almost guarantee he will end up being in some sport. I’m just going to hope it’s not football – I just can’t handle the head injuries there.

Handsome is just as loving and talkative and friendly as ever. As hyper as he can get at home, he seems to do great at school. His teachers always comment on how good a student he is and how he’s friends with everyone. He comes home with good grades and is learning way more than I ever did in Kindergarten. He can read basic books, add, subtract and even work with fractions. He still tells me “I don’t know,” when I ask him what he did at school, but then a few minutes later will start singing to himself whatever song they learned in school. He loves his little brother and his little sister and is a great help with both of them. We got a Wii around the time Baby Girl was born and now he always wants to play and loves anything to do with Mario. He was on his first soccer team this past fall and loved it. He managed to score at least one goal in every game he played and usually scored around 3 or 4. I still have no idea how he would manage to get into those big clumps of kids and end up with the ball running faster than everyone else and make it to the goal. His only problem was that he would get bored easily if he didn’t have the ball and end up watching the crowd instead and forget he was in a soccer game. Well, that, and he thought it was fun to fall, so he would get the ball, kick it hard, and then purposefully fall in the most theatrical manner he could think of. It was great entertainment for the crowd, but not so good soccer playing. Adding to the entertainment were the dances he would do after he scored a goal. I am looking forward to the next season with great excitement. Never a dull moment with that child. One night after his bath, I accidentally turned the water off before all the soap was off him, so instead of turn the whole shower back on, I just grabbed a cup and some water from the sink. I threw it at him and he started screaming because it was too cold. I couldn’t help but laugh and then he said, “Don’t ever do that again! It was too cold! Well, you can do it again because it makes you smile and I like when you smile.” And that is exactly his personality. He will do whatever he can to make those around him happy.

And that’s my synopsis of the past year. I’m exhausted and in desperate need of a bigger house, but I love my family and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Brace yourself. It's a long one.

I've been busy. Really busy. Can't think straight busy. And that's my excuse. It's valid. I promise.

Junior still isn't sleeping through the night. We took him to his nine month appointment and he hasn't gained weight since he was about four months old. I knew he skinny so I was expecting this. I was actually bracing myself for him having lost weight. He is now in the 20% for weight and 50% for height. He was fine for everything else at the doctor. He actually didn't cry at all - even for a heel prick - until right after they gave him his shot. And then he didn't cry for very long. Handsome was with us though and he did cry even though we told him it was Junior's appointment and not his. I don't know where his fear of the doctor came from.

The day after Junior's appointment we started him on formula. The doctor told us to try milk based formula first and just see if he had a reaction. He seems to be doing ok with it. Diapers are SO much more stinky now. I'm so glad I was able to nurse exclusively for as long as I did. He has been taking the formula without any fuss, but that's how he normally takes food. Food to him is more of an obligation than a pleasure. It's almost as if when you show him food he remembers that he was hungry so he eats just until the hunger feeling goes away and then he's done. He doesn't really care what he's eating so long as it is edible.

Being able to use formula has really reduced the amount of stress I have. Pumping at work has been hard. It's time consuming and it's so frustrating when I only get a couple ounces from an entire work day. Now I'm only pumping once a day. I love that.

I think Junior might just be done nursing too. He doesn't have the time for it. He is too impatient to wait for the let down and is distracted by everything. I will continue to offer for as long as he wants but I don't think it's going to be much longer before he decides that he is done.

Just a few days before Junior turned nine months he started taking steps. He took four steps in a row the first day he tried. Yesterday he took about twelve steps in a row. I love watching how each boy learns. They are such individuals. Junior is very calculated in everything that he does. He will take one step and then balance himself again before he takes the next step. Handsome just leaned forward and took as many steps as he could before he fell on his face. LOL. Handsome was also encouraged by cheering and yelling for him. Junior will stop moving if you start to cheer too loud. He prefers a quiet encouragement while he focuses on his steps. I love it. I love both of them and how they are each their own person.

Talking about love, Handsome will randomly come to wherever I am and tell me that he loves me. Melts my heart every time. Now he will occasionally also say he doesn't like me but that is just to see what reaction he gets. He likes to try on emotions and just see what happens. We read a book at night called "The Pout-pout Fish." He loves it because at the end the fish kisses everyone. He always tells DH to "kiss his baby" so DH will come kiss me. :)

Handsome loves his school. He loves the extra stimulation it provides with toys and learning and friends to play with. There is a book fair at the end of the month and he is very excited about it. He loves books. He brings home his minimally colored worksheets and proudly points out the sticker or the stamp that the teacher put on his paper for completion. He has learned how to write his name and can recognize all the names of the kids in his class. Watching news one day there was a sign for Peyton Manning for something football related. Owen stands up and yells, "Peyton, Mommy! Why do they have Peyton's name?!" I thought, "My child is a genius!" until I remembered that there is a Peyton in his class.

Reading. Owen is starting to read. We have the Bob books and he has read five of them. We only do a couple reading activities a day because he gets bored easily and I don't want reading to be a chore to him. We have read the first books many times and the last ones only a couple times. He's a champ at using the pictures to help him out. We also have cards that my mother made for him. They each have one word for him to read. We do some of those each day - or when we remember.

------------------

Junior. He is me. A male, younger me. I would like to say that he is more stubborn or he is more persistent but really, he is me. God is seriously testing me with Junior. Yesterday he had my temper raging. It wasn't all his fault as there were numerous other aggravations along the way, but he was testing me yesterday and I failed. He knows exactly what he shouldn't be doing and that is exactly what he wants to do. I didn't think a nine month old could be so focused, but apparently they can. I would continually remove him from the situation (e.g., climbing the stairs, opening the cabinet, banging cans on the table, banging the toys on the wall, grabbing the wires) and try to distract him. I would hold him or tickle him or give him a different toy or try to get him to practice walking and nothing worked. If I held him he would scream his angry scream and kick his legs until I let him down. As soon as I let him down he would go right back to what he was doing before. If I stood in front of the stairs or in front of the cabinet so he couldn't climb or open the cabinet, then he would knock on the wall or knock on the table or find a wire. When I walked over to take the toy out of his hand or get him away from the wire, he would go right back to the stairs or cabinet. Food is not a distraction because he doesn't care about food. He'll take a bite and then go right back to doing whatever he wants to do. At one point I took him and Handsome outside to clean up after the dog. He has to see what I am doing so he leans forward and pushes off of me to see all that he can. As a result my wrist hurts from pushing him back constantly and making sure he doesn't fall. (I admit I should have just stuck him in my carrier so I wouldn't have to worry about it but he's not a fan of the carrier because he can't see everything so he screams his angry scream.) HE NEVER GIVES UP.

It's a complete battle of wills between us. I am admittedly stubborn and I can push through a lot of crud to get to where I want to be, but good golly this child is testing me. God is testing me. I'm failing. I was so angry yesterday I just wanted to scream. I wanted to put Junior in his crib, Handsome in his bedroom and just scream and run. I couldn't be patient anymore. On most days I just sigh and redirect Junior for hours. No exaggeration, it's hours. He is incapable of being distracted. He will only move on to something else if it actually peaks his interest more and that's hard to do. I think the only person who can consistently redirect him is Handsome.

Because I recognize so much of myself in Junior, I can empathize. I know how he will feel about what life throws at him. I know the hurts that he is going to encounter. I know that he will likely choose the hard road. When someone tells him he can't do something, he will do it. When someone tells him no, he will figure out how to change the answer to yes. He will do whatever it takes to get to where he wants to be. I know the sacrifices that he will make to get there. I know how high his ideals will be. I want to comfort him and tell him he doesn't have to be so stubborn, but I know it won't change anything.

What I can do is hope. I can hope that having Handsome so close and staying home with DH will help him to adopt some of their characteristics. Both Handsome and DH are highly distractible and just take things as they come. I can hope that Handsome and Junior will be support for each other as they are exactly what the other needs.

I love my boys more than anything. They force me to look inside myself. They force me to become a better person. Their love is priceless.

The girlfriend's name

As DH picked up Handsome from school today, he asked the teacher if Handsome had any friends in the class. She said yes. His main friend is Emma. Apparently whenever Handsome walks into the classroom she will call him over and tell him to sit next to her. As Mom put it, she may be a little like Peppermint Patty. His other friend is Kevin. Today he did actually tell me his friend was Emma. Not sure if it's because he heard the conversation between DH and Mrs. S.

Tear Free

Handsome's report for today at preschool was the best yet. He didn't cry on the way to school at all!! Yay!!! And when DH picked him up he was happy and the teacher said that he did well all day and that he even led the other kids in group activities! Yay!! Now, I'm not clear as to whether it was the teacher who told him to lead or whether he did that on his own, that may be lost in translation forever, but I'll ask for a bit of clarification when I get to talk to them in person tonight. I'm so glad he's finally starting to like preschool. I asked him what he did, but he was yelling the answers, so I couldn't really understand him. I did catch that he colored in pink. LOL.

Oh, and we got our first Scholastic book order form. I used to love those as a kid!

As a small aside about Junior, he is returning to waking up frequently again. I am in desperate need of sleep.

Third and Blessed Day of Preschool

Oh, the blessed third day of preschool. It is on this day that I shed the most tears, but they were tears of joy.

DH called me after he dropped Handsome off at preschool. Handsome had cried half the way there in the car and then cried as DH carried him into the classroom. DH said he stayed in the classroom for a couple minutes but Handsome would not calm down for anything. Finally, DH had to leave him. Not a good start.

BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

DH just called me. He was standing outside the preschool after picking Handsome up and Handsome was laughing and playing outside on the grass. Handsome was happy. Happy when DH picked him up. One more time, Happy. I cried when DH told me. I asked to talk to Handsome on the phone at the same time I heard Handsome asking to talk to me. He got on the phone and said, "I played with the kids at preschool! I learned I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands (and then it got a bit too muddy to understand)!" I asked him what he learned, "I learned the letters!" What letter did you learn? "I learned ssssss!" Granted, he already knew that, and I doubt they would start at s, but I don't really give a hoot. What I care about is that he was happy and excited to tell me about it.

I love him so much.

And my cup is full.

Calling Teachers

I called Handsome's teachers today. I called Mrs. V first but she didn't answer her phone so I left a message. An hour later, I got impatient because I wanted to talk to someone before his next class tomorrow, so I called Mrs. S. Mrs. S. answered her phone. She said Handsome sat next to her almost all day and she didn't see anyone hit him. She said she saw one girl poke a little boy in the eye, but she didn't think Handsome even saw it. We spoke for about ten minutes and she said she would keep an eye on him tomorrow to make sure nothing happened to him.

Then a few hours later Mrs. V called back. She said she got my message and she had spoken to Mrs. S. She told me most of the same as what Mrs. S. said. She said that when he came in the morning he was fine and played with the toys just like everyone else. She said once it was time to sit in their chairs and she sat everyone down, she looked over at him and he just had a long stream of tears on his cheeks. He didn't make any noise, he just had the tears. She said when she saw that, she made sure Mrs. S went to sit next to him. (Mrs. V being the main teacher and Mrs. S being the support teacher). She said they even had a third teacher there and the third teacher would stay until all the children are used to going to preschool. So that's three teachers with 16 kids. Handsome would be fine for a while and then he would just start to get the tears again. She said he didn't really do any loud crying - until the cries at and after the playground time. She said he lit up when she told them it was snack time. She saw that the prospect of snack time made him happy so she gave him his snack first. He was apparently very happy during snack time except when the girl sitting next to him started to eye his snack. Mrs. V then reminded the class that everyone has their own snack and they don't share snacks unless it is a party day. She asked me what his favorite toys were and said she would make sure that he got time with them in the morning to make sure he was happy first thing in the morning. She also said that after seeing their personalities she was going to change the seating chart to make sure that children sat next to those who they were most compatible with. She said she was planning to put Handsome and a couple other kids up near her so that she could keep an eye on them, and there were a couple other children she was going to put back next to Mrs S so that she could keep an eye on them. It made it sound like poor Mrs S was going to get all the troublemakers and Mrs V was taking all the quieter kids in the front. Handsome's day apparently made a turn for the worse when Mrs V told them they were going to the playground and he remembered that Mommy wasn't there. Then it crescendo'ed when they had to come back inside and he saw all the parents. I'm assuming it's because he couldn't see us (we were around the corner) and all the children had to come back into the classroom before the parents could pick them up.

So after all that, I do feel better. It sounds like he is just really unsure of school, which is completely different from another child bullying him. It also sounds like the teachers were paying attention to him and trying to reassure him. Mrs V also sounded like she thought I was going to pull Handsome from her class and she kept telling me to let him try again and it would get better. She did also mention that she thought he looked young and her and the other teacher checked his birth certificate to see if he was one of the younger students. Nope, he's not. She said she thought it was because he had a round face so it made him look younger.

Today Handsome made up for his lack of sleep yesterday. He took a four hour nap and went to bed without problems. I am hugely relieved that he went to bed easily. I was afraid that he would cry because he knows he's supposed to go to school tomorrow. I even had him help me chose what snack to give him so he knows he's going back. I really hope tomorrow goes better. I pray tomorrow goes better.

Dear Lord, please keep Handsome safe and let him enjoy preschool.

I fail.

I put Handsome to bed, and then it began. Junior took more effort to put to bed than normal. I almost had him asleep and then I hear Handsome crying in his room. It wasn't a normal cry. It was a fearful cry. Like he was terribly afraid of something. I put Junior down faster than I normally would have and went to Handsome's room. I was afraid he had fallen or hurt himself in some way.

I went to Handsome's room and his whole face was wet with tears. I held him and asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't want to go to preschool because they hit him. Yeah. I deserve mother of the year award. I apparently sent my child to a war zone - preschool style. He is now terrified. I wasn't there, so I obviously don't know what the actual circumstances were. All I know is that my son can't sleep because he is so afraid of the children in his class. He is repeatedly waking up crying.

I'm calling his teacher tomorrow. I don't want to be a pain, but this is my son. If he doesn't like his first experience with school, he is never going to really like school. I have to be able to make sure that he is safe. If some kid is pummeling him at school, I need to know and I will remove him. If it is instead a single hit and he's just afraid because it's his first experience, that is different and we will deal with that as best we can.

Is my kid going to be the kid that is beat up on at school? Is he going to be the weak personality? I've never seen him in that light, but maybe it's because he has always been at home. Maybe it's because I'm blinded by the fact that he's my son. He has never really been afraid of anything until now.

I feel like I've done something terribly wrong. I feel like I've hurt him by putting him in that situation.

How do I make this better??

He's a preschooler

Today was Handsome's first day of preschool. It was an adventure as I had no doubt it would be.

Handsome typically wakes up between 7am and 7:30am, so of course this morning I woke up at 8am and he wasn't awake yet. I had to go wake him up so that we would all be ready in time for preschool. He was so excited that he didn't want to eat breakfast. He took a few bites of his yogurt and then said that he was done and ready for preschool. DH got him ready as I put my contacts in and got Junior ready to go. When DH went to go get ready, I took Handsome and Junior out on the deck to take pictures (none of which turned out well. Boo.).

We all get in the car and drive to his school. We got there exactly on time when the plan was to get there about ten minutes early. I took a couple more pictures at his school. He was very excited. We went yesterday to meet the teacher and his classmates and he found a toy vacuum in the class. Vacuums are his favorite, so he was very happy to find that. This morning all he wanted to do was get to school so that he could play with the vacuum. We had to wait in line at the door of his classroom so that we could give his forms to the teacher. Handsome kept trying to sneak in before it was his turn because he was eager to get in the classroom. It was finally our turn and he went in without any problem. DH, Junior and I walked away hoping for the best.

At home Junior took a nap, DH studied, and I edited Handsome's pictures. I guess editing the pictures made me feel like he was still at home with us. It felt weird that he wasn't home with us, but I didn't cry. I did get tears, but that's all. I thought he would be ok.

And then it was time to pick him up. We got there about ten minutes early because there was no way I was going to be late on his first day. Everyone was there early and all the parents had formed a line at the door. It was packed. We were further back in the line so we were around the corner and couldn't actually see any of the children. The last 20 min of their schedule is playground time, so they were just coming inside. As they were coming inside I hear one child crying - wailing. I thought, hmm, that cry sounds awfully familiar. DH moved up and peeked around the corner, and sure enough, it was Handsome. He was crying his little heart out. He was the ONLY child crying and he did not care a bit about that. DH asked if we got priority to pick our child up first since he was the one crying. Nope. We had to wait in line and endure the crying. I kind of wanted him to see that the teacher could comfort too, but really I just wanted to hold my baby and tell him everything would be ok.

Finally it was our turn. I was holding Junior, so DH took Handsome from the teacher. He clung to DH like his life depended on it. My poor baby. The teacher said he had done well the whole day. He got a little sad in the morning when he realized we were gone, but they distracted him easily and then he was fine. He had his snack time and loved it. THEN they told him it was time to play on the playground. She said he realized that Mommy wasn't there for the playground and that's when he started the crying. She said don't worry about it, just bring him on Friday and he'll be fine. She was very caring and understanding and I wanted to talk a little longer to her, but I also wanted to get my wailing child out of the building and let the other parents pick up their children.

As soon as we got outside, I traded Junior for Handsome. I held him, told him I loved him and that everything would be ok, and then I asked him why he was crying. Through hiccups and sobs he told me that Mrs. S told him he had to go to the playground but he didn't want to go the playground and that he wanted to go home. He cried all the way to the car and even after I put him in his carseat. He calmed down soon though - enough so that we could go pick up filters on the way home.

In asking him what he did during the day, I got a lot of little snippets. I asked him what his favorite part of the day was. He said he played with the vacuum and vacuumed the carpet (there's no carpet in his room). He said he "sweeped" but when I asked him again, he said, "No, I didn't sweeped! The kids took it away! They didn't share!" He also said, "The kids hit me! That's not nice!" And this is the part where I want to protect him from all the meanies that want to hurt my baby. He needs to learn to stick up for himself and he needs to learn that all kids aren't nice, but he's been so happy that I don't want them to take that away from him. I also don't want him to copy them. I really hope there aren't any mean kids in his class. I know some hitting and not sharing is normal, I just hope no one decides to pick on him. It sounds like he is not one of the more dominant children.

He also said that he "slide" on the playground and that Mrs. V laughed when he "slide." So it sounds like the teachers were trying to get him to play outside even though he wasn't happy about me not being there. He also said he was crying because the time was finished for the playground, so maybe they got him happy and then when they told him it was time to come in, it started over again? He loved snack time too.

I asked him if he wanted to go back to preschool after he seemed to have forgotten about the crying and he said, "Yes! Please! Can we go?! Please!" Then he asked if DH and I could go with him. He wasn't happy when I said no, but he still said he wanted to go. Sadly, I won't be with them on Friday when he goes back. I sincerely hope he does better on Friday. I hope he loves preschool and I hope the other kids are nice to him. I hope he makes friends in his class.