I'm a salmon.

You know those pictures on the discovery channels where the fish swim upstream? Where you see them jump out of the water and flail around before they fall back in the water and try again? Not only are they going against the stream they are typically also going up - as would make sense since water would flow downward. They exert so much energy going against the stream. I'm sure if they could complain they would. You would hear a bunch of mumbling until they jumped out of the water and then you'd here things like:

"Come on!"
"I think I can, I think I can."
"****ing gravity!"
"Man, out of my way!"
"PLEASE!"
"Just let me get a few inches!"
"Crap!"
"What did I do to deserve this?"
"This is the LAST time!"
"But Bob made it!"

You know they are tired and frustrated. You know they are stubborn. You know they would cry if they could - at least the female ones. You know they are cursing last night's thunderstorm that made the current stronger.

Well, that's me. I'm swimming upstream. I'm the salmon. I know the struggle and the determination. I know the exhaustion.

I'd like to sit this one out. I'd like for someone to come and hold me and carry me where I need to go. I'd like to hide my face in someones shoulder and shield myself from seeing the pain and the struggle that goes on around me.

I keep thinking if I can make it through this one day, this one month, then the next will bring relief. If I can climb one more hill, jump one more hurdle, then I will be on solid ground where I can sit and watch the beauty of the world.

And yet everyday seems to bring a new difficulty. I fix one issue and another arises. I think I settle an issue and then it turns out I was only fooling myself.

I'm the salmon. I want an inner tube and a hat so I can ride downstream and laugh at the rest of the school of fish going upstream.