Color Blind or Color Sensitive

There are so many facets to this topic and so many sensitivities. I had previously planned to basically steer clear of the topic since even though DH and I are fine with the way things are, I know a lot of other people are not. But today as I eat my lunch trying to warm up in my freezing office I decided that I need to write about it. Write about all of it. Well, not all because I still don't want to be lynched, but I'll write as much as I can.

Here's the first shocker. I'm white. DH is black. Handsome is mixed. It seems like three simple statements, but I'm sure I just offended half the people that just read this. Because you see, I'm not supposed to be white. I'm Caucasian or a European descendant or light skinned. I lose track of what is politically correct. And DH shouldn't be called black because he shouldn't be labeled for his color. So DH should be African American or dark-skinned or colored or African or Ghanaian. I don't know how many labels there are for him really. And of course Handsome shouldn't be called mixed he should be Half-White Half-Black or Half African American or mulatto or colored or tan skinned or however many labels that I don't even know about yet.

But what is behind those color or heritage labels is different for each person. I couldn't care less if you called me white or pale or peach or even ghost white. That's what I am. I do understand that the reason I don't care is because there is no negative connotation that goes along with it. There has never been an insult behind someone calling me white.

Now when someone yells "Obruni!" or "Nansala!" (both meaning white man) I do get a little twinge of anger. It's not for my color being what it is but because it means that I am being singled out. People would refuse to use my name in favor of calling me by my color. Again, if you look to culture the reasons for their action and my reaction is completely clear. In America we are taught that color should mean nothing and we are taught all these color sensitivities so that we don't repeat the atrocities of our past. We are taught that we shouldn't judge someone based upon things that they have no control over. So when someone knows my name and uses my color instead, that just gets under my skin (ha!). So I would explain as best I could that I would prefer if they would use my name and their reaction would be complete and utter confusion. Why? Because to them you are the color that you are and it doesn't matter. You are fat or you are skinny and that's just how things are. You can't deny it, so why get angry? Very often people are referred to as their label and not their name. Your teacher is called "Teacher" not "Mr. Smith." Your husband is called "Husband" and not "John." If there is someone on the street that you see and you don't know their status or their position then you pick something that you see. So instead of our "Sir" if you see a man you don't know they would say something like "Old Man" or "Fat Man." Nothing is meant as offense it is just circumstance. So when they yell "Nansala!" they are not meaning to single me out as the only white person around, I just am the only white person around. Now with that being said there is a connotation behind being a white person there. It means you are privileged. That you have money and power. So of course this added to their confusion. Why would I be upset that I have money and power? (Side note: I wish I had money and power, but alas at the time they were calling me this I was living off of about $80 a month and supporting a student at the same time.)

So really, all these labels are so much more than labels and yet so much less. They are what you make them and what the society around you makes them.

Now going to DH's politically correct label of "African American." Here's the problem. He's not. He's not American. Maybe in a few years he will be, but right now he's not. So those perpetual application forms that our illustrious government sends out haunt me/us. What do we check? He's not white, Hispanic, Asian, or African American. According to the form he is Other. But according to what they want he is African American. But he's not African American. And the cycle continues.

And then there is Handsome. If you go to the definition of things, he is the true African American. His father is African and his mother is American. But if I say my son is African American people wonder where I adopted him from. Right.

I have a friend who is black that I talked to about this a few days ago. I say she is black because that is what she prefers to be called. Political correctness says she is African American. She says she is not African so why should she be called African American?

So really the question that continually goes through my head is whether we should all be color blind or color sensitive. Should we all worry about what bad connotations our next label is going to give or should we just not care? Growing up I was color blind. I knew there were African Americans in my school, but I didn't actually know. I brought a couple home for a Campfire Girls meeting without thinking anything about it until my mother did a double take. Even then I didn't know why she did that. I learned about slavery in history class and thought it was in our past and now everyone was hunky dory. I didn't think racism still existed. If it did I thought it was only in backward small towns. I of course was in a small town, but didn't think mine was backward.

It wasn't until I married - or wanted to marry - DH that I found out how wrong I was. It's still out there. I do think it gets blown out of proportion at times, but it's there.

So should I strive to be blind to the differences in skin color or should I strive to educate everyone on the proper way to go about doing things? Should I teach my son that color doesn't matter or should I teach him that there are very sensitive histories and he should always be careful? I'm leaning towards teaching him that color doesn't matter probably because that's how I grew up, but I don't know how many people I will get in trouble with by doing this. I don't care so much about who I anger as much as I care about what is the right thing to do.

I've written more today than I planned to. I'll write more later. I also haven't read back through what I just wrote... So J.C. do I need to fix anything? :)