At the breaking point

Seriously, I'm at the breaking point. I am beyond stressed and it is wearing me down. I feel like all the pressure is on me. My husband is wonderful, my son is wonderful, my friends are great, my family is even great right now, and yet I am not doing well. I feel so much pressure from work and leaving home to go to work. I am at the point where I'm so stressed that I can hardly think straight anymore.

In college I had one semester that I just gave up. I dropped everything except Mythology cause that class was like going to storytelling twice a week. The only thing that saved me was leaving for a semester to work. After that semester I was able to de-stress and come back and bear it until I graduated. Then I escaped to the Peace Corps.

Now I'm working in a desk job and I'm miserable. I keep trying to dodge that fact. I like the people that I work with and I like the flexibility of my job, but it's just not the place for me. I don't fit here. In all honesty I am in completely the wrong career. Yes, I have the logic mind of an engineer and I can do all of this, but I don't fit this mold. I want to be at home with my boy.

Can I make it for at least three and a half more years? It seems like forever. I have to work so that my family has money to put food on the table. My husband can't work until he graduates and even then I don't know how much he'll make. I may have to continue working even then.

Maybe I should get my master's in education. I feel like I'd be able to make more of a difference there. I was once told by a career testing person that I should never be a teacher. She did all these tests on me and then sat me down to tell me what I should be when I grow up - I was 17. Before she said anything else, she said, "Never be a teacher." She said I was too much of a perfectionist for it. She also told me that I should never be an engineer. ... Hmm. ... She told me that my ideal job would be something along the lines of being a Pediatrician. She said I should choose something to do with working with children because she thought I had "that" personality. She also mentioned something about being a surgeon for children or infants. My response, "No thank you." So basically she wanted me to be a doctor for children. Great, but I can't go through that much education. Being a doctor means memorizing a lot and I'm not good with memorization. If you want me to reason through something or apply a mathematical formula, I'm all about that, but memorization? No. The only test I ever cheated on in school was in elementary school where we had a timed multiplication test. I just couldn't memorize my multiplication table. I still don't have that thing memorized. I have a minor in mathematics and a degree in electrical engineering and I still count on my fingers for small multiplication questions.

So what do I do with my life? Do I waste away at my current job? For now I have to. There has to be something better than this.

I feel a breakdown coming on.