Baby Fever

My son is 10 months old and I've already got baby fever. It just hit in the past few days. I think it's because he is starting to walk. I see pregnant women walking by and I'm jealous.

It's too soon for me to get pregnant again. I still have about 10-15 pounds to lose from my pregnancy with Handsome and I'm just in horrible physical shape. I sit at a desk all day staring at a computer screen. My only walking is to and from my car or the train.

Plus Handsome is not even a year yet. I wanted to get pregnant when Handsome was two so that I would have the second when he is almost three or almost four. That's more than a year from now! I want Handsome to be able to get around on his own before I bring the second child around. (Maybe that's why I have baby fever now since he is already starting to walk and move on his own.)

Financially we couldn't handle for me to be off of work after the second was born. I could probably figure something out - like DH going to work for the three months that I am home to make up the difference - but if I start to work something out then I will start to REALLY think about getting pregnant again soon and that's not what I need to do.

Why do I want another baby so bad when I know this is not the time and I already have Handsome? I think I love Handsome so much that I want to be able to feel that sort of love with another baby. I want Handsome to have a little friend to play with and support.

I just need to wait until DH is almost done with school. Once he can get a job in nursing we don't have to worry so much about finances. I could take my three months off and then go back to work part time. That way I could work on the days that DH doesn't and we could still have enough income and our babies could stay home. If we ever move out of this entirely too expensive area, then I could actually stay home full time.

I REALLY want another baby but I just have to wait. Right now is not the time.

Even as I type that I think of the fact that there is a teeny tiny chance that I could be pregnant right now and I can't help but hope that I am. Unfortunately, I know I'm not. I don't know how I know that, but I know. I just WISH I was.