Golly Moses I need sleep.

This is me working. Really. I'm going to be in trouble at the end of this quarter as well, I can feel it. And then stupid me is going to actually get enough production in to get my promotion because I just can't pass up a promotion and then I'm going to be further in the hole because I will be required to get more production with my promotion. See the logic?

I REALLY want to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes it just eats me up inside. When I have to get up before the sun to go to work it just hurts inside. When Handsome wakes up in the middle of the night and I have to get my bohine out of bed to walk to his room, I'm tired and sometimes annoyed, but it's ok. I love him and if he needs me I'll be there. That's the job of a mom and I love that job.

It's just like being in the Peace Corps. It sucked to be away from my family for over two years. It was difficult as all get out (there's my southern coming out) to be surrounded by a completely different culture where I had to pee either in the bush or in a stinking hole. I had to trust a man I didn't know and who didn't speak my language to lead me through the bush in the middle of Africa through knee level waters and sand that I could swear was going to turn into quicksand, for over an hour to reach my little house that I couldn't even lock my bedroom door when I was inside. My house that was without communication to the outside world except my little radio that got BBC. Was it difficult? Yes, but I loved it. It was the type of challenge that I thrive on.

Being a mother seems to be the same. Yeah, it's difficult, but it's my kind of difficult. I love it.

My work on the other hand is different. It's not so much difficult. Being a mother is more difficult and being in the Peace Corps was much more challenging, but in the end work seems more difficult. It is redundant and boring. It seems inconsequential. I'm not learning and I'm not teaching. I'm just reading papers and writing papers about what some stranger is passionate about, but I could care less about. I work because I have to pay bills and that is about it. I should start a countdown to when DH will finish school and I can stay home when he goes to work or else find a job that is more interesting.

Anyway, enough complaining. Handsome is getting close to walking. I wrote this earlier and I'm too lazy to write something different now: Standing is a game for Handsome. He'll climb up to standing, look at you and then let go with both hands laugh and smile until he falls down. It looks like an adrenaline rush for him. Cute until he falls and hits his head on something. He has the little push and walk toy that he will walk with, and he will walk around the coffee table holding on. Usually he doesn't stand for very long, but sometimes he will be standing holding on to something and watching DH or I or perhaps the TV and he won't be paying attention. His habit is to stick his little thumb in his mouth so he will listen to us and put his thumb in his mouth not realizing that he is no longer holding on to anything. So long as no one draws attention to the fact that he is not holding on, he can stand there for quite a while.

We met a family from DHs tribe on Saturday. They are very nice people and made DH feel like he was at home again. They raised their children in the US and told us that they spoke their language until they went to school and found out that no one else around here speaks that language. They forgot the language shortly thereafter. BOO. I want Handsome to speak the language so that he can communicate with DH's family of which the majority does not speak English.

Ok. Working now.