The past year in review

Around a year ago, we got one of the biggest surprises of our lives. Surprise, Pregnant! We were due mid-October with our first little girl. It has been a bit of a roller coaster since then.

Baby Girl arrived late October at two weeks late. She had to be induced because she was quite comfortable right where she was. DH and I drove through a hurricane to get to the hospital when the doctor’s nurse called and said how soon can you get to the hospital to induce because we need to do this before the storm gets any worse. Then on the way, we got a couple more calls because they didn’t realize we live at least 45 min from the hospital in good traffic. Add heavy rains and wind and branches in the road and it takes a bit longer. Thankfully my parents had driven all the way out to our house two days before so they were able to stay with Handsome and Junior and we didn’t have to worry about finding a babysitter during the storm.

The induction didn’t take long and I got the fabulous epidural so I didn’t have to suffer the labor pains that I did with Junior. She was born about six or seven hours after the induction began. She was 7 pounds 14 oz, so right in the middle of the sizes of the boys and she was tall with long fingers and long toes. She has DH’s eyes and Handsome’s cheeks.

She has been a fabulous newborn. She has consistently slept in the NapNanny so I didn’t have to hold her for the first few months to sleep like I did with the boys. She does not have reflux and is pretty content in general. She despises being on her belly and tummy time is a chore. She did roll from her belly to her back two times a few days ago, but she doesn’t look eager to repeat it anytime soon. She loves to just lay on her back, chew on her fists and talk to anyone who is nearby. She absolutely adores her brothers. She can be crying and suddenly break into a smile if one of her brothers starts talking to her. She is not a thumb sucker, but will stick as many fingers in her mouth at once as she can. She started sleeping in six hour stretches around one or two weeks old. She did end up with a trip to the ER at around 11 weeks old because of wheezing and got a breathing treatment and came home with an inhaler. They said it was the same virus Junior had that just hits infants harder.

DH is now working in an ER. He seems to truly enjoy what he is doing. He works nights which messes up his sleeping cycles and makes it a bit hard to get anything done in the house.

Cleaning the house with a five year old, two year old and infant is a challenge – if not impossible. Fair warning if you ever decide to show up at my house: it’s not pretty.

Junior started preschool in a two and a half year old class in January (since he is now potty trained). It’s two days a week for almost three hours each time at the same school Handsome goes to. He loves it. He cried the first day but the teacher brought Handsome in to help calm him down and then he was fine for the rest of the day. Now he always asks when it is his day to go to school and gets very excited about the crafts they do each day. When I ask who he plays with he tells me it’s Sophia and Sam. He also tells me about the toys he gets to play with in great detail. Recently it’s a “bad guy cat with claws and a hat with a feather and a tail and ears and a sword!” I’m guessing it’s Puss and Boots. Junior is wearing size 4 clothes (only one size below Handsome) and is starting to outgrow them. His language seems to me to be way above his age and that combined with his size makes people assume he is older. I frequently get asked if Handsome and Junior are twins. Junior is extremely loving and extremely stubborn. He always wants to be with Handsome and loves to play with the older kids. His best friend appears to be CJ who is the little brother of a classmate of Handsome’s. CJ is about six months older than Handsome. Junior is a rough and tumble sort and I can almost guarantee he will end up being in some sport. I’m just going to hope it’s not football – I just can’t handle the head injuries there.

Handsome is just as loving and talkative and friendly as ever. As hyper as he can get at home, he seems to do great at school. His teachers always comment on how good a student he is and how he’s friends with everyone. He comes home with good grades and is learning way more than I ever did in Kindergarten. He can read basic books, add, subtract and even work with fractions. He still tells me “I don’t know,” when I ask him what he did at school, but then a few minutes later will start singing to himself whatever song they learned in school. He loves his little brother and his little sister and is a great help with both of them. We got a Wii around the time Baby Girl was born and now he always wants to play and loves anything to do with Mario. He was on his first soccer team this past fall and loved it. He managed to score at least one goal in every game he played and usually scored around 3 or 4. I still have no idea how he would manage to get into those big clumps of kids and end up with the ball running faster than everyone else and make it to the goal. His only problem was that he would get bored easily if he didn’t have the ball and end up watching the crowd instead and forget he was in a soccer game. Well, that, and he thought it was fun to fall, so he would get the ball, kick it hard, and then purposefully fall in the most theatrical manner he could think of. It was great entertainment for the crowd, but not so good soccer playing. Adding to the entertainment were the dances he would do after he scored a goal. I am looking forward to the next season with great excitement. Never a dull moment with that child. One night after his bath, I accidentally turned the water off before all the soap was off him, so instead of turn the whole shower back on, I just grabbed a cup and some water from the sink. I threw it at him and he started screaming because it was too cold. I couldn’t help but laugh and then he said, “Don’t ever do that again! It was too cold! Well, you can do it again because it makes you smile and I like when you smile.” And that is exactly his personality. He will do whatever he can to make those around him happy.

And that’s my synopsis of the past year. I’m exhausted and in desperate need of a bigger house, but I love my family and wouldn’t have it any other way.

My failure

Handsome had his surgery today. It's been a really long day. I'd love to go into the nitty gritty details, but I can hardly think straight because of lack of sleep and I have two needy boys asking for me. I do want to write some down, so I'll give an overview.

The surgery was at 8am and we had to be at the hospital at 6am. This meant we left the house just after 5am which means my alarm went off at 4:30am. And of course Handsome woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare and came to sleep with us. Plus I was worrying about it so I couldn't sleep anyway. So it was an early morning.

Before the surgery was great. They had toys and Handsome was laughing and playing. Then he picked me to be the parent that went with him to get the anesthesia. I don't do well with hospitals and doctors and the potential of my baby boy having problems during his first surgery. He breathed into the mask like he was supposed to and was calm for 10 counted deep breaths. Then he freaked out. We had to force him to keep breathing it and I kept feeling like I was suffocating him. Very quickly his eyes went back in his head and he went limp. Worst. Feeling. Ever. It meant that the medicine was working properly and they let me kiss his cheek and then I walked out of the room. It took all of the small amount of composure that I have to keep from bursting into tears.

I walked back with one of the nurses to find DH and had to stand there while he talked shop with one of the other nurses. All the while fighting back tears, exhaustion, cramps and knowing dear aunt flow had just arrived to find me unprepared. Perfect storm.

We went to the waiting room to find caffeine and wait the hour and a half for the doctor to come and tell us that Handsome did great and tell us all the potential side effects we could find. At least he finished the conversation by giving us his personal cell phone and home phone numbers in case we needed to talk to him.

And when the called us back to see Handsome? That's the point where I failed as a mother. Handsome had woken up before we got there. He was crying, swaying as if he was drunk, calling for me and reaching out his hands to me. I dropped all the toys I was carrying and went to sit next to him and hold him. He calmed down immediately and even started to doze off. At that point I was ok. But when they started moving all the wires attached to him, it woke him up. I started crying again and trying to rub his eyes and yelling that it hurt. I did what I could, but then I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand watching my little boy in so much pain. I was getting dizzy and nauseated. I told DH to sit next to Handsome and I left. I walked to the nearest bathroom and almost fainted on the way there. One of the nurses actually followed me out to see if I needed anything and I'm sure to make sure that I didn't fall down and faint in the middle of the hallway.

I managed to compose myself and walked back after a few minutes of deep calming breaths. When I came back, I sat on the chair next to the bed and let DH sit with Handsome. Handsome had fallen back asleep by the time I came back.

Back when Handsome was two and fell and busted his lip, I had a similar problem. I don't understand why I can't suck it up and be there for my son. Before I had children, I had no problem with this sort of thing. But now, I just can't handle it.

We drove home and Handsome has been resting on the couch. He has had nausea, but overall he's doing well.

A friend had stayed with Junior while we were at the hospital and I couldn't be more thankful. Junior did well.

So that's my today. I need a few days to recover from this and I didn't even have the surgery.

Handsome has bloody eyes, but he's coping very well. He's had three cupcakes because apparently that makes his belly feel better.

Stress

Stress in life never really goes away. I get that. I also get that I need to have ways to effectively deal with that stress. Right now, my way is going to be writing it down to get it out.

We’ll start with Handsome. Handsome has strabismus. We first noticed it right before he turned three years old. It was occasional and not very severe. His right eye would turn in when he would watch TV, ride in the car, or when he was overly tired. The doctor begrudgingly gave us glasses, said we could patch when it was bothering him, and said to come back regularly to make sure it didn’t get any worse.

Around October of 2011, it got worse. Handsome started to cry saying he saw “two mommies” and hitting his eye to try to make it work. We took him to the doctor and they declared that he needed surgery. Also the doctor noticed that now it was not only his right eye turning in, but sometimes his left eye would do the same. So his surgery has been scheduled for two weeks from now. They will detach the inner eye muscles from both eyes and then reattach them. It should take about an hour and then he will be in recovery. I’m still unclear how both eyes are supposed to work immediately after he wakes up and unclear on how I’m supposed to keep my four year old from rubbing his eyes.

Surgery, here we come.

Then there is DH. He graduated from nursing school last May and has been searching for a job ever since. He finally found a job that he is really looking forward to and he starts in March. This is wonderful for so many reasons which I’m sure you can figure out, but then there’s the scheduling. Both of us working full time with no childcare for two kids. Yay time management! Yeah. He will have three 12 hour working days and I’ll likely have four 10 hour working days. I may be able to work before he goes in on a couple days in order to stretch my four days to five, but that’s unlikely. So, that means I’ll get three days that I can spend exclusively with my kids. So, when exactly will I see DH? That is unclear.

New job, here we come.

Then there is my job. There is always something. This time I’m on my last promotion cycle – if I pass. If I don’t pass, then this could potentially go on forever. It’s a lot of extra stress and work and it ends a week after DH starts work. Fabulous.

New promotion, here we come – hopefully.

Dear Junior. He’s a handful. He is a smart, stubborn, strong willed, logical child. That translates into A LOT of work for the rest of us. He can NOT be distracted. If he wants that glass of water, then darn-it-all, he wants that glass of water. Favorite stuffed animal means nothing, cars mean nothing, alarm going off means nothing, removal to the next room means nothing, “no” means nothing, and I’m sure even losing a limb would mean nothing. He is on a mission for that glass of water and nothing will get in his way. It’s that way for everything. We just got back from visiting my parents and that was a whole new batch of things that he could get into. While he was there he managed to accidentally throw a rock into Handsome’s head, leaving Handsome with a huge knot in his head and us having to put ice on it to get the swelling to come down. Junior is very good at screaming as loud as he possibly can and flailing his arms and legs around.

I must say though that Junior is amazing. He sings every song he can remember. His favorite is Barbara Ann (Beach Boys) and he is absolutely adorable when he sings it. He knows all the hand motions for the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Little Bunny Fufu. His language is growing by the day. He gives the best hugs and kisses and has the cutest scrunchy face when he smiles and laughs.

Growing patience, here we come.

Junior's Development

Junior figures things out very quickly. He literally studies things. And he never gives up. Never. There is a cabinet that he is not supposed to open. It has dvds inside. He will saunter on over there, open the cabinet and then turn around and smile at you like he knows that he has done exactly what you don't want him to do. As soon as you spot him, his smile grows even bigger because he knows he was right. If you tell him to close the cabinet, he will. And then he will open it again. Then you tell him to close it, and he will. And then he will open it again. The cycle will continue forever unless you physically remove him from the cabinet. If you don't tell him to close it, then he will reach in and take out as many dvds as he can until you move him.

He got a little kitchen for Christmas. It has a little oven that makes sounds when you open and close it. He will take play food, open the little oven, put the play food in, and wait for the toy to say that the food is ready. Then he will open the oven, laugh, take the play food out, and show you the food he has just prepared. He will do this over and over again.

He loves to climb the stairs. Of course he does. Do you know why? Because he isn't allowed to. He will climb about three steps and then look at you with the knowing smile, just waiting for you to tell him to get off of the stairs. When you tell him to get off the stairs he will laugh and slide down on his belly. Once at the bottom of the stairs, the whole process starts over. It's almost as fun as the cabinet. If you don't tell him to get off the stairs then he will continue climbing until he reaches the top of the stairs.

He is also mostly walking now. He can take over 20 steps in a row, balance himself, stop in the middle and start over again without falling over. Sometimes he chooses to crawl still, but it's either for efficiency or for a game. There is always a reason for what he does. He does things with purpose. When he crawls, he likes to tuck his head underneath him and go as fast as he can. It's his game just to see what he will run into. He laughs when he hits something.

Junior and Handsome are almost inseparable. When I took Handsome to play with friends and Junior didn't come, Handsome almost couldn't bear it. He didn't want me to put gas in the car because Junior wasn't there to sit in the car with him. When we got to his friends, he didn't want to go play because he said we had to go home and get Junior because Junior needed to be there with them. With Junior, I tried to give him a bath without Handsome (we usually bathe them together). It was when Junior had a fever and I wanted to get the fever to go down. Junior typically loves his bath. His favorite part is to splash the water, of course, to see the reaction that Handsome will give him. On the day Handsome wasn't in the tub with him, he was fine until he looked over to where Handsome was supposed to be and didn't see him and looked out the door and saw that Handsome wasn't coming. He started wailing and would not stop throughout the entire bath.

Junior has also almost completely given up nursing. The only time he will nurse is in the middle of the night. The past three nights he has slept through the night so he hasn't even gotten those feedings. It may be the end of his nursing very soon.

Sickies

Wrote a week or so ago on my phone and never posted:

Handsome got his first stomach virus last weekend. I heard him yell for me on the monitor. He only yelled once, but he never yells for me at 4am unless there is something actually wrong. So I dragged myself out of bed and went to check on him. I heard him mumbling to himself that Mommy and Daddy weren't coming so he had to figure out what to do. I opened the door and asked what was wrong. He said he was all wet. I asked if he had peed assuming I was right. He said, "No. I hiccuped and got wet from my mouth." Eww. I turned on the light and saw where he had just made it to the door and it was all over his clothes. I cleaned him up and called DH to come, partially because Owen said he wanted to show Daddy and partially because I wanted him to bring the cleaning supplies from downstairs.

DH ended up sleeping in Handsome's room to make sure he made it to the potty or the bucket if he needed to and because Handsome was still a little afraid since this was all new to him. I went back to my room to wait for Junior to wake up for his next feeding. Two hours later Handsome was in need of his bucket. The scary part was he seemed to be heaving in his sleep and didn't wake up until DH made him get up and turn to the bucket.

During the day he would act fine until he needed to run to the bathroom. He had very little appetite though and all I could get him to eat was Popsicles and popcorn.

The next morning he called me at seven am and he had throw up in his bed. It looked like he had done it while sleeping again because it was all dry. Luckily though that was the last time and he felt good the next day.

All in all I think our first bout with a stomach virus went well. No one else in the family got it.

Two days ago Junior decided it was his turn to be fussed over. When he woke up from his nap he was feeling warm. When I checked his temp he had a low grade fever. I checked his mouth and he does have at least one tooth coming in - if not two I'm assuming that's where his fever is coming from since he doesn't have any other symptoms. Then yesterday while Handosome and I were out playing, DH sent me a text saying Junior's temp had risen to 102.7.

And now the update:
Junior's fever lasted about three days. After his fever ended he got a rash that covered all of his body but didn't seem to bother him. Doing my typical internet research (that probably isn't a good idea in general) I found that his symptoms matched Roseola (or Sixth disease). It is apparently very common in kids between six months and three years. After about a day his rash was gone and he was doing great.

I checked his mouth and now he has six teeth (three on top and three on bottom) and two more are about to break through (one on top and one on bottom). He is chewing on anything he can get his mouth on.

Around the end of last week it was apparently my turn to get sick. I got a stomach virus. Not sure if it was the same one that Handsome had or not. I spent many hours in the bathroom and ended up with a fever too. DH actually cleaned the bathroom for me because I was truly that sick. He won lots of points for that one. The bathroom was absolutely spotless when he was done. My virus lasted for about 24 hours - maybe a little more - and then I was good again. I thank the Lord for that one because on Saturday I was alone taking care of both boys and that would have been impossible with the stomach virus I had.

I guess it's DH's turn now. We'll see if he gets anything.

Brace yourself. It's a long one.

I've been busy. Really busy. Can't think straight busy. And that's my excuse. It's valid. I promise.

Junior still isn't sleeping through the night. We took him to his nine month appointment and he hasn't gained weight since he was about four months old. I knew he skinny so I was expecting this. I was actually bracing myself for him having lost weight. He is now in the 20% for weight and 50% for height. He was fine for everything else at the doctor. He actually didn't cry at all - even for a heel prick - until right after they gave him his shot. And then he didn't cry for very long. Handsome was with us though and he did cry even though we told him it was Junior's appointment and not his. I don't know where his fear of the doctor came from.

The day after Junior's appointment we started him on formula. The doctor told us to try milk based formula first and just see if he had a reaction. He seems to be doing ok with it. Diapers are SO much more stinky now. I'm so glad I was able to nurse exclusively for as long as I did. He has been taking the formula without any fuss, but that's how he normally takes food. Food to him is more of an obligation than a pleasure. It's almost as if when you show him food he remembers that he was hungry so he eats just until the hunger feeling goes away and then he's done. He doesn't really care what he's eating so long as it is edible.

Being able to use formula has really reduced the amount of stress I have. Pumping at work has been hard. It's time consuming and it's so frustrating when I only get a couple ounces from an entire work day. Now I'm only pumping once a day. I love that.

I think Junior might just be done nursing too. He doesn't have the time for it. He is too impatient to wait for the let down and is distracted by everything. I will continue to offer for as long as he wants but I don't think it's going to be much longer before he decides that he is done.

Just a few days before Junior turned nine months he started taking steps. He took four steps in a row the first day he tried. Yesterday he took about twelve steps in a row. I love watching how each boy learns. They are such individuals. Junior is very calculated in everything that he does. He will take one step and then balance himself again before he takes the next step. Handsome just leaned forward and took as many steps as he could before he fell on his face. LOL. Handsome was also encouraged by cheering and yelling for him. Junior will stop moving if you start to cheer too loud. He prefers a quiet encouragement while he focuses on his steps. I love it. I love both of them and how they are each their own person.

Talking about love, Handsome will randomly come to wherever I am and tell me that he loves me. Melts my heart every time. Now he will occasionally also say he doesn't like me but that is just to see what reaction he gets. He likes to try on emotions and just see what happens. We read a book at night called "The Pout-pout Fish." He loves it because at the end the fish kisses everyone. He always tells DH to "kiss his baby" so DH will come kiss me. :)

Handsome loves his school. He loves the extra stimulation it provides with toys and learning and friends to play with. There is a book fair at the end of the month and he is very excited about it. He loves books. He brings home his minimally colored worksheets and proudly points out the sticker or the stamp that the teacher put on his paper for completion. He has learned how to write his name and can recognize all the names of the kids in his class. Watching news one day there was a sign for Peyton Manning for something football related. Owen stands up and yells, "Peyton, Mommy! Why do they have Peyton's name?!" I thought, "My child is a genius!" until I remembered that there is a Peyton in his class.

Reading. Owen is starting to read. We have the Bob books and he has read five of them. We only do a couple reading activities a day because he gets bored easily and I don't want reading to be a chore to him. We have read the first books many times and the last ones only a couple times. He's a champ at using the pictures to help him out. We also have cards that my mother made for him. They each have one word for him to read. We do some of those each day - or when we remember.

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Junior. He is me. A male, younger me. I would like to say that he is more stubborn or he is more persistent but really, he is me. God is seriously testing me with Junior. Yesterday he had my temper raging. It wasn't all his fault as there were numerous other aggravations along the way, but he was testing me yesterday and I failed. He knows exactly what he shouldn't be doing and that is exactly what he wants to do. I didn't think a nine month old could be so focused, but apparently they can. I would continually remove him from the situation (e.g., climbing the stairs, opening the cabinet, banging cans on the table, banging the toys on the wall, grabbing the wires) and try to distract him. I would hold him or tickle him or give him a different toy or try to get him to practice walking and nothing worked. If I held him he would scream his angry scream and kick his legs until I let him down. As soon as I let him down he would go right back to what he was doing before. If I stood in front of the stairs or in front of the cabinet so he couldn't climb or open the cabinet, then he would knock on the wall or knock on the table or find a wire. When I walked over to take the toy out of his hand or get him away from the wire, he would go right back to the stairs or cabinet. Food is not a distraction because he doesn't care about food. He'll take a bite and then go right back to doing whatever he wants to do. At one point I took him and Handsome outside to clean up after the dog. He has to see what I am doing so he leans forward and pushes off of me to see all that he can. As a result my wrist hurts from pushing him back constantly and making sure he doesn't fall. (I admit I should have just stuck him in my carrier so I wouldn't have to worry about it but he's not a fan of the carrier because he can't see everything so he screams his angry scream.) HE NEVER GIVES UP.

It's a complete battle of wills between us. I am admittedly stubborn and I can push through a lot of crud to get to where I want to be, but good golly this child is testing me. God is testing me. I'm failing. I was so angry yesterday I just wanted to scream. I wanted to put Junior in his crib, Handsome in his bedroom and just scream and run. I couldn't be patient anymore. On most days I just sigh and redirect Junior for hours. No exaggeration, it's hours. He is incapable of being distracted. He will only move on to something else if it actually peaks his interest more and that's hard to do. I think the only person who can consistently redirect him is Handsome.

Because I recognize so much of myself in Junior, I can empathize. I know how he will feel about what life throws at him. I know the hurts that he is going to encounter. I know that he will likely choose the hard road. When someone tells him he can't do something, he will do it. When someone tells him no, he will figure out how to change the answer to yes. He will do whatever it takes to get to where he wants to be. I know the sacrifices that he will make to get there. I know how high his ideals will be. I want to comfort him and tell him he doesn't have to be so stubborn, but I know it won't change anything.

What I can do is hope. I can hope that having Handsome so close and staying home with DH will help him to adopt some of their characteristics. Both Handsome and DH are highly distractible and just take things as they come. I can hope that Handsome and Junior will be support for each other as they are exactly what the other needs.

I love my boys more than anything. They force me to look inside myself. They force me to become a better person. Their love is priceless.

Handsome's Christmas Program

Handsome had his Christmas program last week. DH couldn't go because he had his final exam the following morning. Yes, I was upset that he couldn't be there, but I understood why. He did pass his test and his class so I guess it was worth it.

Handsome has been singing his songs for two weeks now at home. He knew all the words, all the tunes and all the hand signs. When he got up there his memory turned into selective memory. He stood in the line with his classmates and stuck his thumb right in his mouth and left it there for the majority of the program. He would bob his head to the beat of the song and turn around to watch the kids singing behind him. When it got to his favorite parts of the songs, his entire demeanor changed. He took his thumb out of his mouth, smiled big and jumped when he was supposed to jump and did the biggest bow you ever did see. When his favorite part ended, the thumb went back in his mouth, he bobbed his head to the beat, and he watched his friends perform.

He said he had fun, so that's what really matters. I managed to video tape his performance while Junior was tied to me, so Handsome has been watching the video of it and singing the entire songs at home

Long overdue update.

I know. I'm behind. Really behind. It's so hard to find a spare moment these days - especially a coherent spare moment. I often think about what I would like to write. There is a lot. I just don't get the chance. I'm going to try to make a quick update. Even if I forget a bunch or repeat something, at least I'll have something written down.

Junior -

Junior is growing and changing every day. He is eight months old now. He has four teeth (and has had them since seven months) and has used them to chomp down on me more than once. He has an awesomely powerful pinch as can be seen by all the red spots on my arms and chest where he got bored or curious while nursing. He can pick up a single grain of rice on the carpet. He often picks up small particles on the ground that he knows he's not supposed to have. He picks them up. Sits down (from crawling) and then smiles and looks at me like, "Yeah, I got it. That's right. I know I'm not technically supposed to have it. What are you going to do about it." Oh yes, the child knows when he is doing something he isn't supposed to. If I'm not looking directly at him, he'll grunt or start babbling to make me look at him and then he smiles the smile that I know means he's up to no good.

He had a good stretch where he would sleep at least a six hour stretch and then a four hour stretch. That period of time passed too quickly. Now he's back to getting up every two hours or so. It's a different cry now though. It's not the reflux, this-is-painful cry anymore. Now it's more of an I'm-lonely cry. He has also decided that 4am or thereabouts is time to be up and playing.

He is a crawling champion. He's darn fast. He pulls up on everything. He can walk along the side of the coffee table, of course holding on with both hands. He has stood up without holding onto anything when he is holding his toy with both hands and not paying attention. It doesn't last long though. If you hold his hands he will walk with you.

He has lost weight. Yes. Lost. Not just evened out, but lost. He's gone down by about four ounces in the past two months. I'm not sure about his height. Now, the only disclaimer I will give to that is that at his last checkup he hadn't pooped in about three weeks, so that backlog could very well have added to his previous weight. Now, per doctor's orders, we give him pears everyday to help with his regularity. In case you were wondering, pears work. He will eat two jars of food and 6-8 oz of cereal each day in addition to nursing when I am home and pumped milk when I'm at work. My supply has dwindled considerably and I'm terrified that he's not getting enough nutrition. He still has tons of energy though, so who knows. You can really tell from his pictures though how my chubby baby has become a slender baby. He doesn't look unhealthily skinny, but it is just a huge difference from where he started and from where Handsome was at this point.

His eczema is still here. It has not gotten as bad as it was when he was a few weeks old, but it is still there. I think that time was so bad because it was infected. Now he just has dry patches all over himself - a few of them are red and require medicine. We put thick lotion on him twice a day and his skin just soaks it up and still dries out. I wish the doctors would test him for allergies to see if we could stop some of this by diet, but they just tell us that his test could be inaccurate. I get that, and I can amend when I need to, but I'd like to relieve his poor skin if at all possible.

Stubborn. The boy is stubborn. There is no distracting him if he wants something. I can't even count the number of times I have to tell him no or redirect him. He knows exactly what he wants. If you take that away, be prepared for screaming. His smiles are not as common as Handsome's are, but when you get them, they are awesome. His giggles are the best.

He can climb the stairs. Scary.

Handsome -

Handsome is doing awesome in preschool. He loves it. On days that he can't go, he cries cause he wants to be in preschool. We got his first criticism from his teacher. She told DH that Handsome has been whining a lot. She said a lot of the students have been lately so they have been trying to work on it. We are reinforcing the "don't whine" rule at home. We were previously, but not as often as we are now. I'm not sure if it's helping anything, but at least he is aware.

Everyday he comes home singing whatever song they learned in school that day. I'm impressed that he can remember all the words to the songs and whatever dance moves they taught with the songs. It is obvious that this is his favorite part of preschool. The teacher said one day that he was reluctant to wear their paint shirt to paint. Crazy kid, right? He does not care at all about art projects. But music? He loves music. They put up a project where they had to color a corn on the cob and glue on the kernels. All the girls had theirs colored in the lines and colored as much of the paper as they could and then the glued on so many kernels you knew there had to be extra layers underneath that you couldn't even see. Handsome? He colored with the crayon the least amount he could possibly do and still have qualified as coloring the paper and glued on the fewest number of kernels in a similar manner. Just by looking at it, I can see the teacher saying, "Handsome, just color a little bit more. Just glue a few more pieces on." And Handsome reluctantly putting more on, but longing to go play with toys or talk to whoever was closest.

Whenever one of the other parents in the class realize that DH or I are Handsome's parents they always say, "Oh you're Handsome's parent? Our child talks about Handsome ALL the time!" Again, I'm imagining Handsome always talking, joking, singing, dancing in class while the rest of the children are working nicely on their art projects.

Handsome seems to have picked two best friends in his class: B and K. B is a little girl and K is a little boy. Those three stick pretty close together. Each day after class, B and Handsome play together at the preschool playground while B's mom and DH and any other parent that is there talk. I got to meet B's mom when I took Handsome with his class to see Santa. She is awesome. Very nice and seemed to be someone I would like to hang out with. Her husband was there too and he was also very nice, but he didn't talk as much, so I don't know much about his personality.

The trip to see Santa was interesting. It was good to be able to see Handsome interact with his classmates. He stuck pretty close to K and B - he spent more time with B though. At first Handsome would not sit with Santa. I guessed that would happen. I finally convinced him to go because we saw K sit with Santa and Mrs. V was sitting in a chair right next to Santa. I got him to stand with Mrs. V and then after giving Santa a high-five he was convinced to sit with him to get a quick picture. It's true that I am anti-Santa, but I'm not going to be actively anti-Santa, just not as pro-Santa. Make sense? I'll tell him the Santa stories if he asks and put the presents under the tree with no name attached so that he can decide for himself if they are from us or from Santa.

When my parents came for Thanksgiving, my mother managed to start Handsome reading. He can read basic three letter words: sat, cat, pig, sit, hat, map, pot, etc. He already knew all the letters and sounds, but we hadn't tried to put anything together before she came. Now my three year old can read - the basics anyway.

His speech skills grow everyday. You can have real conversations with him now. He is still only speaking English though. He's resistant to speaking anything else.

He is wearing his glasses full time now. He has done really well with them. It also helps that they are nearly indestructible. I think the crossing has actually gotten worse though. We are patching at home for a few hours each day. I hope that helps and that this doesn't continue. I always wonder whether he realizes when his eye stops working. I don't think he does.


Handsome and Junior -

These boys play together better than I could have ever hoped for. They both seem to really love each other. Wherever one goes, the other will follow. In the backseat of the car, Handsome will play with Junior until they are both giggling uncontrollably. On the other hand, they always want the same toy. Always. How an 8 month old and 3 year old want the same toy, I don't know, but they do.

I think though that eventually, Junior may be the leader of the two. He's got the stronger personality and Handsome is so easy-go-lucky that I think he'll just go with whatever Junior is passionate about. I could be totally wrong, but that's what it looks like right now.

Me -

I don't even know where to begin about me. I'm stressed. There is just too much going on right now. I don't have time to breathe. I think this is the main cause for my milk supply failing me. I don't have enough time to pump as much as I need to and when I do pump, I can't stop thinking about work. I've started drinking more water and taking supplements to help my supply increase. It may have added another ounce or two to what I get throughout the day, but I'll take whatever I can get. It's beyond frustrating - especially when I see that Junior has lost weight. Honestly I'd really like to stop nursing. I know that's crazy from me who wanted to nurse Handsome until he was two years old and was devastated when he stopped early. With Junior it's just harder: he's losing weight; I'm stressing; I'm losing time at work; he bites; he pinches; he's easily distracted; he nurses too frequently at night. I'll continue for as long as I can, but it's not easy.

While Junior is losing weight, I'm not. I lost about 20 after he was born and then I stopped losing weight. So, this past weekend I joined WW. I've never done a plan like this, but I figured I needed something to kick me in the rear end and remind me how I'm supposed to be eating. I know I've been eating like crap since Junior was born. I've been drinking more coke than ever and eating bags upon bags of oreos - oreos have no milk. Anyway, we'll see how this works out. It's just something else to worry about but I feel like my health needs to be on the to-do list somewhere so I don't think I should give this up.

(Sorry for all the typos)

Glasses have arrived

We picked up Handsome's glasses yesterday. He looks adorable. They have a brown metal frame. He only had to wear them between nap and bedtime yesterday, but overall he did really well. He only wanted to take them off when he was eating dinner. The rest of the time he said they helped him to see better. I also didn't notice his eyes crossing when he watched TV.

Today DH is sending him to preschool wearing his glasses. I sincerely hope that goes well. I asked DH to tell the teacher that Handsome could take his glasses off for their time on the playground. I'm still afraid of him falling and hurting himself while wearing the glasses but I am also afraid of the glasses breaking or getting lost. Those things are EXPENSIVE.

Complete change of topic - which I'm allowed to do because it's my blog. ;)

Handsome had a bloody nose on Wednesday. It wasn't a lot, but it was there. Weird. Don't know why.

Junior's bowel issues

I got some glycerin suppositories for Junior. I sat on the floor with a plastic bag under us and gave him the suppository. At first he didn't care, and then... he did. He cried and cried like I was the meanest person in the whole world. And then he cried and pushed like he was giving birth to a his own child. After about eight minutes he was done and talking and babbling like all was well in the world. Let's just say he was much lighter after that experience. And then around 4am this morning he filled another diaper. And then this afternoon he filled another. Hopefully he will be regular again now.

Last night I was up a lot. Again. As is the new normal. Handsome even woke up around 4 or 5am crying, which is very unlike him. I'm assuming he had a nightmare. I held him until he seemed ok and then he went right back to sleep. Meanwhile I was really dizzy. I had to hold onto the wall so that I wouldn't fall down. I'm assuming it is because I haven't had nearly enough sleep. I called DH to come pick up the kids so that I could get some rest, but that was around 7am. and I had been up almost all night.

The past few days

On Sunday I caught up on some of the household stuff I've been getting way behind on as a result of our crazy schedule. I did many loads of laundry, cleaned the backyard and brushed all the hair our dog is shedding off of him so that it doesn't end up on the carpet anymore. Handsome was kind enough to help me with everything.

In fact for the past few days both boys have been really attached to me. I'm assuming it's because I've had to work so much lately. Junior will cry if DH is holding him and stare me down no matter where I am in the room. He always wants to be near me. Daddy just isn't what he wants right now. I feel like I have about a two foot rope that is tied between my leg and Handsome's leg and as a result Handsome must ALWAYS be right under my feet. I can't even head to the ladies' room without both of them crying for me. I have to admit that I like being wanted/needed/loved so much. DH on the other hand is really getting his feelings hurt. I know this is only a phase and I do like to spread the love around, but I'll enjoy my snuggles and smiles while I can get them.

Anyway, back to Sunday. I gave Handsome a bath before his naptime because we were both all sorts of stinky from being out back. When he woke up from his nap, he felt warm. He had said his head hurt earlier in the day, but I attributed that to the eye issues that he as been having. We make him wear his eye patch and that forces his weak eye to work harder. I know I used to get headaches if I went between wearing glasses and not wearing glasses so I figured that is what happened. He has never complained of his head hurting before though. After his nap when he said his head hurt again, I decided to check his temperature. 102F He had a fever. Bummer. The only other fever he has ever had was during a bad cold he had when he was about eight months old.

I got him a wet rag for his forehead and we sat on the couch together as he just said he wanted to be held. We didn't have any children's tyelenol, but I didn't want to give it to him right away anyhow. He wasn't being lethargic and still wanted to go to the store, so it didn't seem to be bothering him too much. I know a fever helps kill the virus so I wanted to see how it would progress. If it got worse or if he still had it at bedtime, I would give him some tylenol. As it happened, by bedtime his fever had gone down to 99F and he didn't seem to notice it at all. What it did do was give us a peaceful bedtime which doesn't happen too frequently anymore.

Since he couldn't go to preschool the following morning, I decided to take him to get fitted for new glasses. He woke up fever free and we went to try on glasses. They had two varieties that I couldn't decide between: Miraflex and Flexon.

• Miraflex is plastic and virtually indestructable. It has no hinges and has a band that goes behind his head to make sure they stay on. I was afraid they would look like toy glasses and they would overwhelm his face. I was also afraid that his lashes would constantly hit the glasses. That used to happen to me as a kid and it drove me nuts.
• The Flexon glasses are metal frames that can be twisted and sat on and still return to the original shape. They look more like adult glasses and have a nose piece so that the glasses sit further from his eyes which means no lashes hitting the lens. I was afraid though that the nose piece would be a problem for if/when he falls. And the Flexon was about twice the price of the Miraflex.

I couldn't decide, so I called Mom to decide for me. LOL I'm weak, I admit. Anyway, she said to go for the Flexon because she is really concerned about the social aspect. She is afraid that the other kids would make fun of the other glasses and scar Handsome for life. So on that warning, I got the Flexon. I figure that since it is about to be winter, he will have less of an opportunity to be running around. And a few months from now, I may go ahead and buy the Miraflex as a backup and for the times that he wants to be more rough and tumble.

The glasses should be ready by Thursday and then will begin the adventure of making him wear his glasses full time. While I was buying the glasses I was talking to the woman who sells them - obviously. Anyway, she has been doing the same job for over 20 years. It was a family owned business. I told her about why Handsome needed glasses and she started telling me horror stories. Great, right? She told me about one little girl whose grandmother refused to patch her eye because the girl didn't like it and at 12 years old the girl lost sight in her weak eye. And then there is the story of a little boy whose parents didn't notice and so he didn't get treated. As a result he has a full blown lazy eye now. He can get glasses to help with his sight, but they are litearaly about an inch thick for that one eye and he still can't see clearly. Great. Now I'm worried that poor Handsome is going to end up blind in one eye.

Obviously since we were able to buy glasses on Monday morning, Handsome did not go to preschool. His random fever is completely gone now but he missed his class picture. :'( I was really looking forward to that. I emailed his teacher and she is going to get us a copy of it, but sadly Handsome won't be in the picture. DH took him to his school today to get his individual picture. We don't really need it since I take his picture obsessively, but I'm curious to see how he handles someone else taking his picture.

And now for Junior news.

On Saturday, Junior crawled to the coffee table and pulled himself up to standing so that he could grab something that was on the table. Oh yes, he pulled himself up. My five month old is pulling up to stand. I can't even believe it. My baby was supposed to stay a baby for a little while longer.

And for a little TMI - at least he'll think so when he is older and knows I blogged about it - he hasn't pooped in at least two weeks. The nurse said to give him a laxative. Eww. I went to buy some last night, but the container had already been opened. EWWWW. So we have to take it back. We're also going to buy some Mylicon to see if that helps because Ray massaged his belly yesterday and said Junior farted for about ten minutes straight after that. HAHAHA! I'm glad I wasn't there for that because man do his farts stink!

Junior is also blowing rasberries and saying "bababa" and chewing on his tongue. All very good signs that he is progressing like he should.

His six month appointment is next week.

And in me news.

I got everything done for work that I needed to! YAY!! Talk about a relief. Our house is so much less stresful now.

And in DH news.

He did not pass one of his exams and doesn't know how he did on the other, but he's not hopeful. I am so scared that he won't pass and get his nursing degree. He is so smart, but his school is so unhelpful. The one test that he didn't pass was because he could only miss one element and he missed three. One. And a passing grade on an exam is 78%. Please, Lord, let him pass. We have really struggled to get to this point.

And now that I have written a novel, I'm done. ;)

Glasses

Handsome had a follow up appointment for his strabismus - eye crossing. DH took him so I got the recap afterwards. This time the doctor was adamant that Handsome wear his glasses everyday. He said that he needs to wear them everyday or his eyes would continue to get worse to a point that we couldn't fix it anymore.

If he has to wear them everyday then we are going to have to get some of the indestructible variety. The types that have been recommended are Miraflex and SoloBambini. They aren't the most attractive glasses, but hopefully they will last longer than the 30min that the current glasses last before he breaks them.

I'm worried that his classmates will make fun of him for his glasses. I had to get glasses at 5 years old. I had a few people call me four eyes, but I don't remember caring all that much about what they said. I think Handsome is different. I think he will care a lot about what the other kids say. I really hope they are nice to him and I hope that he likes the glasses.

The girlfriend's name

As DH picked up Handsome from school today, he asked the teacher if Handsome had any friends in the class. She said yes. His main friend is Emma. Apparently whenever Handsome walks into the classroom she will call him over and tell him to sit next to her. As Mom put it, she may be a little like Peppermint Patty. His other friend is Kevin. Today he did actually tell me his friend was Emma. Not sure if it's because he heard the conversation between DH and Mrs. S.

Ladies Man

DH and I were talking about Handsome and his preschool. We haven't had much time to talk lately since we have both been crazy busy with work/school. My deadline is tomorrow and by God's grace I managed to get everything done. DH had two tests today.

Anyway, Handsome's teacher always talks to him at the door when he goes to pick up Handsome. I'm assuming she does this with every student, but she may - at this point - pay a little more attention to Handsome because he struggled so much in the beginning. Anyway, she told DH that "the girls just love Handsome!" Great. She said that they would be on the playground and the girls would just follow Handsome around. Great. He's three!! Please tell me I don't already have a problem with girls with him at three years old. Handsome did tell me the other day that he was talking to the girl and he told her his name and then she laughed at him - he thought this was hilarious. Can girls flirt at three? Whenever I ask him what he did at school there is always mention of a girl.

So, apparently he's a ladies man at three.

Sitting up

I noticed a couple days ago that Junior can now sit up from crawling all on his own.

Last night we will classify as a zero sleep night. He was in his playpen crying/talking/moaning all night. I left him there until I heard the kind of cry that doesn't get better. I must have been completely exhausted though because I slept through some of the noisemaking and I never do that on a normal basis. He finally fell into a deeper sleep around 7am this morning - Handsome woke up at 7:30am. Nice, right?

Handsome now loves preschool. I would like to elaborate, but my time is limited. Just wanted to update.

Tear Free

Handsome's report for today at preschool was the best yet. He didn't cry on the way to school at all!! Yay!!! And when DH picked him up he was happy and the teacher said that he did well all day and that he even led the other kids in group activities! Yay!! Now, I'm not clear as to whether it was the teacher who told him to lead or whether he did that on his own, that may be lost in translation forever, but I'll ask for a bit of clarification when I get to talk to them in person tonight. I'm so glad he's finally starting to like preschool. I asked him what he did, but he was yelling the answers, so I couldn't really understand him. I did catch that he colored in pink. LOL.

Oh, and we got our first Scholastic book order form. I used to love those as a kid!

As a small aside about Junior, he is returning to waking up frequently again. I am in desperate need of sleep.

Third and Blessed Day of Preschool

Oh, the blessed third day of preschool. It is on this day that I shed the most tears, but they were tears of joy.

DH called me after he dropped Handsome off at preschool. Handsome had cried half the way there in the car and then cried as DH carried him into the classroom. DH said he stayed in the classroom for a couple minutes but Handsome would not calm down for anything. Finally, DH had to leave him. Not a good start.

BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

DH just called me. He was standing outside the preschool after picking Handsome up and Handsome was laughing and playing outside on the grass. Handsome was happy. Happy when DH picked him up. One more time, Happy. I cried when DH told me. I asked to talk to Handsome on the phone at the same time I heard Handsome asking to talk to me. He got on the phone and said, "I played with the kids at preschool! I learned I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands (and then it got a bit too muddy to understand)!" I asked him what he learned, "I learned the letters!" What letter did you learn? "I learned ssssss!" Granted, he already knew that, and I doubt they would start at s, but I don't really give a hoot. What I care about is that he was happy and excited to tell me about it.

I love him so much.

And my cup is full.

Calling Teachers

I called Handsome's teachers today. I called Mrs. V first but she didn't answer her phone so I left a message. An hour later, I got impatient because I wanted to talk to someone before his next class tomorrow, so I called Mrs. S. Mrs. S. answered her phone. She said Handsome sat next to her almost all day and she didn't see anyone hit him. She said she saw one girl poke a little boy in the eye, but she didn't think Handsome even saw it. We spoke for about ten minutes and she said she would keep an eye on him tomorrow to make sure nothing happened to him.

Then a few hours later Mrs. V called back. She said she got my message and she had spoken to Mrs. S. She told me most of the same as what Mrs. S. said. She said that when he came in the morning he was fine and played with the toys just like everyone else. She said once it was time to sit in their chairs and she sat everyone down, she looked over at him and he just had a long stream of tears on his cheeks. He didn't make any noise, he just had the tears. She said when she saw that, she made sure Mrs. S went to sit next to him. (Mrs. V being the main teacher and Mrs. S being the support teacher). She said they even had a third teacher there and the third teacher would stay until all the children are used to going to preschool. So that's three teachers with 16 kids. Handsome would be fine for a while and then he would just start to get the tears again. She said he didn't really do any loud crying - until the cries at and after the playground time. She said he lit up when she told them it was snack time. She saw that the prospect of snack time made him happy so she gave him his snack first. He was apparently very happy during snack time except when the girl sitting next to him started to eye his snack. Mrs. V then reminded the class that everyone has their own snack and they don't share snacks unless it is a party day. She asked me what his favorite toys were and said she would make sure that he got time with them in the morning to make sure he was happy first thing in the morning. She also said that after seeing their personalities she was going to change the seating chart to make sure that children sat next to those who they were most compatible with. She said she was planning to put Handsome and a couple other kids up near her so that she could keep an eye on them, and there were a couple other children she was going to put back next to Mrs S so that she could keep an eye on them. It made it sound like poor Mrs S was going to get all the troublemakers and Mrs V was taking all the quieter kids in the front. Handsome's day apparently made a turn for the worse when Mrs V told them they were going to the playground and he remembered that Mommy wasn't there. Then it crescendo'ed when they had to come back inside and he saw all the parents. I'm assuming it's because he couldn't see us (we were around the corner) and all the children had to come back into the classroom before the parents could pick them up.

So after all that, I do feel better. It sounds like he is just really unsure of school, which is completely different from another child bullying him. It also sounds like the teachers were paying attention to him and trying to reassure him. Mrs V also sounded like she thought I was going to pull Handsome from her class and she kept telling me to let him try again and it would get better. She did also mention that she thought he looked young and her and the other teacher checked his birth certificate to see if he was one of the younger students. Nope, he's not. She said she thought it was because he had a round face so it made him look younger.

Today Handsome made up for his lack of sleep yesterday. He took a four hour nap and went to bed without problems. I am hugely relieved that he went to bed easily. I was afraid that he would cry because he knows he's supposed to go to school tomorrow. I even had him help me chose what snack to give him so he knows he's going back. I really hope tomorrow goes better. I pray tomorrow goes better.

Dear Lord, please keep Handsome safe and let him enjoy preschool.

I fail.

I put Handsome to bed, and then it began. Junior took more effort to put to bed than normal. I almost had him asleep and then I hear Handsome crying in his room. It wasn't a normal cry. It was a fearful cry. Like he was terribly afraid of something. I put Junior down faster than I normally would have and went to Handsome's room. I was afraid he had fallen or hurt himself in some way.

I went to Handsome's room and his whole face was wet with tears. I held him and asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't want to go to preschool because they hit him. Yeah. I deserve mother of the year award. I apparently sent my child to a war zone - preschool style. He is now terrified. I wasn't there, so I obviously don't know what the actual circumstances were. All I know is that my son can't sleep because he is so afraid of the children in his class. He is repeatedly waking up crying.

I'm calling his teacher tomorrow. I don't want to be a pain, but this is my son. If he doesn't like his first experience with school, he is never going to really like school. I have to be able to make sure that he is safe. If some kid is pummeling him at school, I need to know and I will remove him. If it is instead a single hit and he's just afraid because it's his first experience, that is different and we will deal with that as best we can.

Is my kid going to be the kid that is beat up on at school? Is he going to be the weak personality? I've never seen him in that light, but maybe it's because he has always been at home. Maybe it's because I'm blinded by the fact that he's my son. He has never really been afraid of anything until now.

I feel like I've done something terribly wrong. I feel like I've hurt him by putting him in that situation.

How do I make this better??

He's a preschooler

Today was Handsome's first day of preschool. It was an adventure as I had no doubt it would be.

Handsome typically wakes up between 7am and 7:30am, so of course this morning I woke up at 8am and he wasn't awake yet. I had to go wake him up so that we would all be ready in time for preschool. He was so excited that he didn't want to eat breakfast. He took a few bites of his yogurt and then said that he was done and ready for preschool. DH got him ready as I put my contacts in and got Junior ready to go. When DH went to go get ready, I took Handsome and Junior out on the deck to take pictures (none of which turned out well. Boo.).

We all get in the car and drive to his school. We got there exactly on time when the plan was to get there about ten minutes early. I took a couple more pictures at his school. He was very excited. We went yesterday to meet the teacher and his classmates and he found a toy vacuum in the class. Vacuums are his favorite, so he was very happy to find that. This morning all he wanted to do was get to school so that he could play with the vacuum. We had to wait in line at the door of his classroom so that we could give his forms to the teacher. Handsome kept trying to sneak in before it was his turn because he was eager to get in the classroom. It was finally our turn and he went in without any problem. DH, Junior and I walked away hoping for the best.

At home Junior took a nap, DH studied, and I edited Handsome's pictures. I guess editing the pictures made me feel like he was still at home with us. It felt weird that he wasn't home with us, but I didn't cry. I did get tears, but that's all. I thought he would be ok.

And then it was time to pick him up. We got there about ten minutes early because there was no way I was going to be late on his first day. Everyone was there early and all the parents had formed a line at the door. It was packed. We were further back in the line so we were around the corner and couldn't actually see any of the children. The last 20 min of their schedule is playground time, so they were just coming inside. As they were coming inside I hear one child crying - wailing. I thought, hmm, that cry sounds awfully familiar. DH moved up and peeked around the corner, and sure enough, it was Handsome. He was crying his little heart out. He was the ONLY child crying and he did not care a bit about that. DH asked if we got priority to pick our child up first since he was the one crying. Nope. We had to wait in line and endure the crying. I kind of wanted him to see that the teacher could comfort too, but really I just wanted to hold my baby and tell him everything would be ok.

Finally it was our turn. I was holding Junior, so DH took Handsome from the teacher. He clung to DH like his life depended on it. My poor baby. The teacher said he had done well the whole day. He got a little sad in the morning when he realized we were gone, but they distracted him easily and then he was fine. He had his snack time and loved it. THEN they told him it was time to play on the playground. She said he realized that Mommy wasn't there for the playground and that's when he started the crying. She said don't worry about it, just bring him on Friday and he'll be fine. She was very caring and understanding and I wanted to talk a little longer to her, but I also wanted to get my wailing child out of the building and let the other parents pick up their children.

As soon as we got outside, I traded Junior for Handsome. I held him, told him I loved him and that everything would be ok, and then I asked him why he was crying. Through hiccups and sobs he told me that Mrs. S told him he had to go to the playground but he didn't want to go the playground and that he wanted to go home. He cried all the way to the car and even after I put him in his carseat. He calmed down soon though - enough so that we could go pick up filters on the way home.

In asking him what he did during the day, I got a lot of little snippets. I asked him what his favorite part of the day was. He said he played with the vacuum and vacuumed the carpet (there's no carpet in his room). He said he "sweeped" but when I asked him again, he said, "No, I didn't sweeped! The kids took it away! They didn't share!" He also said, "The kids hit me! That's not nice!" And this is the part where I want to protect him from all the meanies that want to hurt my baby. He needs to learn to stick up for himself and he needs to learn that all kids aren't nice, but he's been so happy that I don't want them to take that away from him. I also don't want him to copy them. I really hope there aren't any mean kids in his class. I know some hitting and not sharing is normal, I just hope no one decides to pick on him. It sounds like he is not one of the more dominant children.

He also said that he "slide" on the playground and that Mrs. V laughed when he "slide." So it sounds like the teachers were trying to get him to play outside even though he wasn't happy about me not being there. He also said he was crying because the time was finished for the playground, so maybe they got him happy and then when they told him it was time to come in, it started over again? He loved snack time too.

I asked him if he wanted to go back to preschool after he seemed to have forgotten about the crying and he said, "Yes! Please! Can we go?! Please!" Then he asked if DH and I could go with him. He wasn't happy when I said no, but he still said he wanted to go. Sadly, I won't be with them on Friday when he goes back. I sincerely hope he does better on Friday. I hope he loves preschool and I hope the other kids are nice to him. I hope he makes friends in his class.