Around a year ago, we got one of the biggest surprises of our lives. Surprise, Pregnant! We were due mid-October with our first little girl. It has been a bit of a roller coaster since then.
Baby Girl arrived late October at two weeks late. She had to be induced because she was quite comfortable right where she was. DH and I drove through a hurricane to get to the hospital when the doctor’s nurse called and said how soon can you get to the hospital to induce because we need to do this before the storm gets any worse. Then on the way, we got a couple more calls because they didn’t realize we live at least 45 min from the hospital in good traffic. Add heavy rains and wind and branches in the road and it takes a bit longer. Thankfully my parents had driven all the way out to our house two days before so they were able to stay with Handsome and Junior and we didn’t have to worry about finding a babysitter during the storm.
The induction didn’t take long and I got the fabulous epidural so I didn’t have to suffer the labor pains that I did with Junior. She was born about six or seven hours after the induction began. She was 7 pounds 14 oz, so right in the middle of the sizes of the boys and she was tall with long fingers and long toes. She has DH’s eyes and Handsome’s cheeks.
She has been a fabulous newborn. She has consistently slept in the NapNanny so I didn’t have to hold her for the first few months to sleep like I did with the boys. She does not have reflux and is pretty content in general. She despises being on her belly and tummy time is a chore. She did roll from her belly to her back two times a few days ago, but she doesn’t look eager to repeat it anytime soon. She loves to just lay on her back, chew on her fists and talk to anyone who is nearby. She absolutely adores her brothers. She can be crying and suddenly break into a smile if one of her brothers starts talking to her. She is not a thumb sucker, but will stick as many fingers in her mouth at once as she can. She started sleeping in six hour stretches around one or two weeks old. She did end up with a trip to the ER at around 11 weeks old because of wheezing and got a breathing treatment and came home with an inhaler. They said it was the same virus Junior had that just hits infants harder.
DH is now working in an ER. He seems to truly enjoy what he is doing. He works nights which messes up his sleeping cycles and makes it a bit hard to get anything done in the house.
Cleaning the house with a five year old, two year old and infant is a challenge – if not impossible. Fair warning if you ever decide to show up at my house: it’s not pretty.
Junior started preschool in a two and a half year old class in January (since he is now potty trained). It’s two days a week for almost three hours each time at the same school Handsome goes to. He loves it. He cried the first day but the teacher brought Handsome in to help calm him down and then he was fine for the rest of the day. Now he always asks when it is his day to go to school and gets very excited about the crafts they do each day. When I ask who he plays with he tells me it’s Sophia and Sam. He also tells me about the toys he gets to play with in great detail. Recently it’s a “bad guy cat with claws and a hat with a feather and a tail and ears and a sword!” I’m guessing it’s Puss and Boots. Junior is wearing size 4 clothes (only one size below Handsome) and is starting to outgrow them. His language seems to me to be way above his age and that combined with his size makes people assume he is older. I frequently get asked if Handsome and Junior are twins. Junior is extremely loving and extremely stubborn. He always wants to be with Handsome and loves to play with the older kids. His best friend appears to be CJ who is the little brother of a classmate of Handsome’s. CJ is about six months older than Handsome. Junior is a rough and tumble sort and I can almost guarantee he will end up being in some sport. I’m just going to hope it’s not football – I just can’t handle the head injuries there.
Handsome is just as loving and talkative and friendly as ever. As hyper as he can get at home, he seems to do great at school. His teachers always comment on how good a student he is and how he’s friends with everyone. He comes home with good grades and is learning way more than I ever did in Kindergarten. He can read basic books, add, subtract and even work with fractions. He still tells me “I don’t know,” when I ask him what he did at school, but then a few minutes later will start singing to himself whatever song they learned in school. He loves his little brother and his little sister and is a great help with both of them. We got a Wii around the time Baby Girl was born and now he always wants to play and loves anything to do with Mario. He was on his first soccer team this past fall and loved it. He managed to score at least one goal in every game he played and usually scored around 3 or 4. I still have no idea how he would manage to get into those big clumps of kids and end up with the ball running faster than everyone else and make it to the goal. His only problem was that he would get bored easily if he didn’t have the ball and end up watching the crowd instead and forget he was in a soccer game. Well, that, and he thought it was fun to fall, so he would get the ball, kick it hard, and then purposefully fall in the most theatrical manner he could think of. It was great entertainment for the crowd, but not so good soccer playing. Adding to the entertainment were the dances he would do after he scored a goal. I am looking forward to the next season with great excitement. Never a dull moment with that child. One night after his bath, I accidentally turned the water off before all the soap was off him, so instead of turn the whole shower back on, I just grabbed a cup and some water from the sink. I threw it at him and he started screaming because it was too cold. I couldn’t help but laugh and then he said, “Don’t ever do that again! It was too cold! Well, you can do it again because it makes you smile and I like when you smile.” And that is exactly his personality. He will do whatever he can to make those around him happy.
And that’s my synopsis of the past year. I’m exhausted and in desperate need of a bigger house, but I love my family and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Friday, January 6, 2012
Stress
Stress in life never really goes away. I get that. I also get that I need to have ways to effectively deal with that stress. Right now, my way is going to be writing it down to get it out.
We’ll start with Handsome. Handsome has strabismus. We first noticed it right before he turned three years old. It was occasional and not very severe. His right eye would turn in when he would watch TV, ride in the car, or when he was overly tired. The doctor begrudgingly gave us glasses, said we could patch when it was bothering him, and said to come back regularly to make sure it didn’t get any worse.
Around October of 2011, it got worse. Handsome started to cry saying he saw “two mommies” and hitting his eye to try to make it work. We took him to the doctor and they declared that he needed surgery. Also the doctor noticed that now it was not only his right eye turning in, but sometimes his left eye would do the same. So his surgery has been scheduled for two weeks from now. They will detach the inner eye muscles from both eyes and then reattach them. It should take about an hour and then he will be in recovery. I’m still unclear how both eyes are supposed to work immediately after he wakes up and unclear on how I’m supposed to keep my four year old from rubbing his eyes.
Surgery, here we come.
Then there is DH. He graduated from nursing school last May and has been searching for a job ever since. He finally found a job that he is really looking forward to and he starts in March. This is wonderful for so many reasons which I’m sure you can figure out, but then there’s the scheduling. Both of us working full time with no childcare for two kids. Yay time management! Yeah. He will have three 12 hour working days and I’ll likely have four 10 hour working days. I may be able to work before he goes in on a couple days in order to stretch my four days to five, but that’s unlikely. So, that means I’ll get three days that I can spend exclusively with my kids. So, when exactly will I see DH? That is unclear.
New job, here we come.
Then there is my job. There is always something. This time I’m on my last promotion cycle – if I pass. If I don’t pass, then this could potentially go on forever. It’s a lot of extra stress and work and it ends a week after DH starts work. Fabulous.
New promotion, here we come – hopefully.
Dear Junior. He’s a handful. He is a smart, stubborn, strong willed, logical child. That translates into A LOT of work for the rest of us. He can NOT be distracted. If he wants that glass of water, then darn-it-all, he wants that glass of water. Favorite stuffed animal means nothing, cars mean nothing, alarm going off means nothing, removal to the next room means nothing, “no” means nothing, and I’m sure even losing a limb would mean nothing. He is on a mission for that glass of water and nothing will get in his way. It’s that way for everything. We just got back from visiting my parents and that was a whole new batch of things that he could get into. While he was there he managed to accidentally throw a rock into Handsome’s head, leaving Handsome with a huge knot in his head and us having to put ice on it to get the swelling to come down. Junior is very good at screaming as loud as he possibly can and flailing his arms and legs around.
I must say though that Junior is amazing. He sings every song he can remember. His favorite is Barbara Ann (Beach Boys) and he is absolutely adorable when he sings it. He knows all the hand motions for the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Little Bunny Fufu. His language is growing by the day. He gives the best hugs and kisses and has the cutest scrunchy face when he smiles and laughs.
Growing patience, here we come.
We’ll start with Handsome. Handsome has strabismus. We first noticed it right before he turned three years old. It was occasional and not very severe. His right eye would turn in when he would watch TV, ride in the car, or when he was overly tired. The doctor begrudgingly gave us glasses, said we could patch when it was bothering him, and said to come back regularly to make sure it didn’t get any worse.
Around October of 2011, it got worse. Handsome started to cry saying he saw “two mommies” and hitting his eye to try to make it work. We took him to the doctor and they declared that he needed surgery. Also the doctor noticed that now it was not only his right eye turning in, but sometimes his left eye would do the same. So his surgery has been scheduled for two weeks from now. They will detach the inner eye muscles from both eyes and then reattach them. It should take about an hour and then he will be in recovery. I’m still unclear how both eyes are supposed to work immediately after he wakes up and unclear on how I’m supposed to keep my four year old from rubbing his eyes.
Surgery, here we come.
Then there is DH. He graduated from nursing school last May and has been searching for a job ever since. He finally found a job that he is really looking forward to and he starts in March. This is wonderful for so many reasons which I’m sure you can figure out, but then there’s the scheduling. Both of us working full time with no childcare for two kids. Yay time management! Yeah. He will have three 12 hour working days and I’ll likely have four 10 hour working days. I may be able to work before he goes in on a couple days in order to stretch my four days to five, but that’s unlikely. So, that means I’ll get three days that I can spend exclusively with my kids. So, when exactly will I see DH? That is unclear.
New job, here we come.
Then there is my job. There is always something. This time I’m on my last promotion cycle – if I pass. If I don’t pass, then this could potentially go on forever. It’s a lot of extra stress and work and it ends a week after DH starts work. Fabulous.
New promotion, here we come – hopefully.
Dear Junior. He’s a handful. He is a smart, stubborn, strong willed, logical child. That translates into A LOT of work for the rest of us. He can NOT be distracted. If he wants that glass of water, then darn-it-all, he wants that glass of water. Favorite stuffed animal means nothing, cars mean nothing, alarm going off means nothing, removal to the next room means nothing, “no” means nothing, and I’m sure even losing a limb would mean nothing. He is on a mission for that glass of water and nothing will get in his way. It’s that way for everything. We just got back from visiting my parents and that was a whole new batch of things that he could get into. While he was there he managed to accidentally throw a rock into Handsome’s head, leaving Handsome with a huge knot in his head and us having to put ice on it to get the swelling to come down. Junior is very good at screaming as loud as he possibly can and flailing his arms and legs around.
I must say though that Junior is amazing. He sings every song he can remember. His favorite is Barbara Ann (Beach Boys) and he is absolutely adorable when he sings it. He knows all the hand motions for the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Little Bunny Fufu. His language is growing by the day. He gives the best hugs and kisses and has the cutest scrunchy face when he smiles and laughs.
Growing patience, here we come.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sickies
Wrote a week or so ago on my phone and never posted:
Handsome got his first stomach virus last weekend. I heard him yell for me on the monitor. He only yelled once, but he never yells for me at 4am unless there is something actually wrong. So I dragged myself out of bed and went to check on him. I heard him mumbling to himself that Mommy and Daddy weren't coming so he had to figure out what to do. I opened the door and asked what was wrong. He said he was all wet. I asked if he had peed assuming I was right. He said, "No. I hiccuped and got wet from my mouth." Eww. I turned on the light and saw where he had just made it to the door and it was all over his clothes. I cleaned him up and called DH to come, partially because Owen said he wanted to show Daddy and partially because I wanted him to bring the cleaning supplies from downstairs.
DH ended up sleeping in Handsome's room to make sure he made it to the potty or the bucket if he needed to and because Handsome was still a little afraid since this was all new to him. I went back to my room to wait for Junior to wake up for his next feeding. Two hours later Handsome was in need of his bucket. The scary part was he seemed to be heaving in his sleep and didn't wake up until DH made him get up and turn to the bucket.
During the day he would act fine until he needed to run to the bathroom. He had very little appetite though and all I could get him to eat was Popsicles and popcorn.
The next morning he called me at seven am and he had throw up in his bed. It looked like he had done it while sleeping again because it was all dry. Luckily though that was the last time and he felt good the next day.
All in all I think our first bout with a stomach virus went well. No one else in the family got it.
Two days ago Junior decided it was his turn to be fussed over. When he woke up from his nap he was feeling warm. When I checked his temp he had a low grade fever. I checked his mouth and he does have at least one tooth coming in - if not two I'm assuming that's where his fever is coming from since he doesn't have any other symptoms. Then yesterday while Handosome and I were out playing, DH sent me a text saying Junior's temp had risen to 102.7.
And now the update:
Junior's fever lasted about three days. After his fever ended he got a rash that covered all of his body but didn't seem to bother him. Doing my typical internet research (that probably isn't a good idea in general) I found that his symptoms matched Roseola (or Sixth disease). It is apparently very common in kids between six months and three years. After about a day his rash was gone and he was doing great.
I checked his mouth and now he has six teeth (three on top and three on bottom) and two more are about to break through (one on top and one on bottom). He is chewing on anything he can get his mouth on.
Around the end of last week it was apparently my turn to get sick. I got a stomach virus. Not sure if it was the same one that Handsome had or not. I spent many hours in the bathroom and ended up with a fever too. DH actually cleaned the bathroom for me because I was truly that sick. He won lots of points for that one. The bathroom was absolutely spotless when he was done. My virus lasted for about 24 hours - maybe a little more - and then I was good again. I thank the Lord for that one because on Saturday I was alone taking care of both boys and that would have been impossible with the stomach virus I had.
I guess it's DH's turn now. We'll see if he gets anything.
Handsome got his first stomach virus last weekend. I heard him yell for me on the monitor. He only yelled once, but he never yells for me at 4am unless there is something actually wrong. So I dragged myself out of bed and went to check on him. I heard him mumbling to himself that Mommy and Daddy weren't coming so he had to figure out what to do. I opened the door and asked what was wrong. He said he was all wet. I asked if he had peed assuming I was right. He said, "No. I hiccuped and got wet from my mouth." Eww. I turned on the light and saw where he had just made it to the door and it was all over his clothes. I cleaned him up and called DH to come, partially because Owen said he wanted to show Daddy and partially because I wanted him to bring the cleaning supplies from downstairs.
DH ended up sleeping in Handsome's room to make sure he made it to the potty or the bucket if he needed to and because Handsome was still a little afraid since this was all new to him. I went back to my room to wait for Junior to wake up for his next feeding. Two hours later Handsome was in need of his bucket. The scary part was he seemed to be heaving in his sleep and didn't wake up until DH made him get up and turn to the bucket.
During the day he would act fine until he needed to run to the bathroom. He had very little appetite though and all I could get him to eat was Popsicles and popcorn.
The next morning he called me at seven am and he had throw up in his bed. It looked like he had done it while sleeping again because it was all dry. Luckily though that was the last time and he felt good the next day.
All in all I think our first bout with a stomach virus went well. No one else in the family got it.
Two days ago Junior decided it was his turn to be fussed over. When he woke up from his nap he was feeling warm. When I checked his temp he had a low grade fever. I checked his mouth and he does have at least one tooth coming in - if not two I'm assuming that's where his fever is coming from since he doesn't have any other symptoms. Then yesterday while Handosome and I were out playing, DH sent me a text saying Junior's temp had risen to 102.7.
And now the update:
Junior's fever lasted about three days. After his fever ended he got a rash that covered all of his body but didn't seem to bother him. Doing my typical internet research (that probably isn't a good idea in general) I found that his symptoms matched Roseola (or Sixth disease). It is apparently very common in kids between six months and three years. After about a day his rash was gone and he was doing great.
I checked his mouth and now he has six teeth (three on top and three on bottom) and two more are about to break through (one on top and one on bottom). He is chewing on anything he can get his mouth on.
Around the end of last week it was apparently my turn to get sick. I got a stomach virus. Not sure if it was the same one that Handsome had or not. I spent many hours in the bathroom and ended up with a fever too. DH actually cleaned the bathroom for me because I was truly that sick. He won lots of points for that one. The bathroom was absolutely spotless when he was done. My virus lasted for about 24 hours - maybe a little more - and then I was good again. I thank the Lord for that one because on Saturday I was alone taking care of both boys and that would have been impossible with the stomach virus I had.
I guess it's DH's turn now. We'll see if he gets anything.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The past few days
On Sunday I caught up on some of the household stuff I've been getting way behind on as a result of our crazy schedule. I did many loads of laundry, cleaned the backyard and brushed all the hair our dog is shedding off of him so that it doesn't end up on the carpet anymore. Handsome was kind enough to help me with everything.
In fact for the past few days both boys have been really attached to me. I'm assuming it's because I've had to work so much lately. Junior will cry if DH is holding him and stare me down no matter where I am in the room. He always wants to be near me. Daddy just isn't what he wants right now. I feel like I have about a two foot rope that is tied between my leg and Handsome's leg and as a result Handsome must ALWAYS be right under my feet. I can't even head to the ladies' room without both of them crying for me. I have to admit that I like being wanted/needed/loved so much. DH on the other hand is really getting his feelings hurt. I know this is only a phase and I do like to spread the love around, but I'll enjoy my snuggles and smiles while I can get them.
Anyway, back to Sunday. I gave Handsome a bath before his naptime because we were both all sorts of stinky from being out back. When he woke up from his nap, he felt warm. He had said his head hurt earlier in the day, but I attributed that to the eye issues that he as been having. We make him wear his eye patch and that forces his weak eye to work harder. I know I used to get headaches if I went between wearing glasses and not wearing glasses so I figured that is what happened. He has never complained of his head hurting before though. After his nap when he said his head hurt again, I decided to check his temperature. 102F He had a fever. Bummer. The only other fever he has ever had was during a bad cold he had when he was about eight months old.
I got him a wet rag for his forehead and we sat on the couch together as he just said he wanted to be held. We didn't have any children's tyelenol, but I didn't want to give it to him right away anyhow. He wasn't being lethargic and still wanted to go to the store, so it didn't seem to be bothering him too much. I know a fever helps kill the virus so I wanted to see how it would progress. If it got worse or if he still had it at bedtime, I would give him some tylenol. As it happened, by bedtime his fever had gone down to 99F and he didn't seem to notice it at all. What it did do was give us a peaceful bedtime which doesn't happen too frequently anymore.
Since he couldn't go to preschool the following morning, I decided to take him to get fitted for new glasses. He woke up fever free and we went to try on glasses. They had two varieties that I couldn't decide between: Miraflex and Flexon.
- Miraflex is plastic and virtually indestructable. It has no hinges and has a band that goes behind his head to make sure they stay on. I was afraid they would look like toy glasses and they would overwhelm his face. I was also afraid that his lashes would constantly hit the glasses. That used to happen to me as a kid and it drove me nuts.
- The Flexon glasses are metal frames that can be twisted and sat on and still return to the original shape. They look more like adult glasses and have a nose piece so that the glasses sit further from his eyes which means no lashes hitting the lens. I was afraid though that the nose piece would be a problem for if/when he falls. And the Flexon was about twice the price of the Miraflex.
I couldn't decide, so I called Mom to decide for me. LOL I'm weak, I admit. Anyway, she said to go for the Flexon because she is really concerned about the social aspect. She is afraid that the other kids would make fun of the other glasses and scar Handsome for life. So on that warning, I got the Flexon. I figure that since it is about to be winter, he will have less of an opportunity to be running around. And a few months from now, I may go ahead and buy the Miraflex as a backup and for the times that he wants to be more rough and tumble.
The glasses should be ready by Thursday and then will begin the adventure of making him wear his glasses full time. While I was buying the glasses I was talking to the woman who sells them - obviously. Anyway, she has been doing the same job for over 20 years. It was a family owned business. I told her about why Handsome needed glasses and she started telling me horror stories. Great, right? She told me about one little girl whose grandmother refused to patch her eye because the girl didn't like it and at 12 years old the girl lost sight in her weak eye. And then there is the story of a little boy whose parents didn't notice and so he didn't get treated. As a result he has a full blown lazy eye now. He can get glasses to help with his sight, but they are litearaly about an inch thick for that one eye and he still can't see clearly. Great. Now I'm worried that poor Handsome is going to end up blind in one eye.
Obviously since we were able to buy glasses on Monday morning, Handsome did not go to preschool. His random fever is completely gone now but he missed his class picture. :'( I was really looking forward to that. I emailed his teacher and she is going to get us a copy of it, but sadly Handsome won't be in the picture. DH took him to his school today to get his individual picture. We don't really need it since I take his picture obsessively, but I'm curious to see how he handles someone else taking his picture.
And now for Junior news.
On Saturday, Junior crawled to the coffee table and pulled himself up to standing so that he could grab something that was on the table. Oh yes, he pulled himself up. My five month old is pulling up to stand. I can't even believe it. My baby was supposed to stay a baby for a little while longer.
And for a little TMI - at least he'll think so when he is older and knows I blogged about it - he hasn't pooped in at least two weeks. The nurse said to give him a laxative. Eww. I went to buy some last night, but the container had already been opened. EWWWW. So we have to take it back. We're also going to buy some Mylicon to see if that helps because Ray massaged his belly yesterday and said Junior farted for about ten minutes straight after that. HAHAHA! I'm glad I wasn't there for that because man do his farts stink!
Junior is also blowing rasberries and saying "bababa" and chewing on his tongue. All very good signs that he is progressing like he should.
His six month appointment is next week.
And in me news.
I got everything done for work that I needed to! YAY!! Talk about a relief. Our house is so much less stresful now.
And in DH news.
He did not pass one of his exams and doesn't know how he did on the other, but he's not hopeful. I am so scared that he won't pass and get his nursing degree. He is so smart, but his school is so unhelpful. The one test that he didn't pass was because he could only miss one element and he missed three. One. And a passing grade on an exam is 78%. Please, Lord, let him pass. We have really struggled to get to this point.
And now that I have written a novel, I'm done. ;)
Friday, September 3, 2010
Do you hear that?
Quiet. It is blissful right now. I don't know how long it is going to last, but I am going to enjoy it while I can.
My kitchen is clean. My floors are vacuumed.
I gave Handsome and Junior their baths together tonight. It was... interesting. I put Junior's baby bath inside the big bath and filled them both up. Junior sits pretty well now, plus he can balance himself on the sides of the little whale bathtub. Only problem was when he wanted to grab his toes so he would lean forward too far and I'd be afraid he was going to face plant in the water. It didn't happen though. He was very content sitting in the water and watching his older brother play with the duck that was very busy flying everywhere. I let Handsome dry himself and put lotion on himself so that I could dry and lotion Junior. Only snag was when Handsome wanted the longer Anansi story and Junior was too tired and cranky to sit through the entire story. Handsome had to settle for the shorter book and I promised to read the longer story to him in the morning.
After Handsome went to sleep, I nursed Junior and put him in his crib (actually the playpen) which as of yesterday is now in my bedroom. We put the white noise machine up there so that when I go to bed, I won't wake him up. Junior fell asleep on cue and is now sleeping upstairs.
DH is downstairs studying.
And me? I am all by myself. Bliss. I love my boys and I love my DH. They are my life. But sometimes I just want to sit alone with my thoughts. I need a few minutes alone each day to relax, but these days I rarely get that. In fact, I'm not sure I've really had that since Junior was born. Well, maybe in the car as I drive to work. And I do have my own office, but alone time at work doesn't really count.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Delirious Laughter
Delirious = Me.
Laughter = Junior.
No. Sleep. I have had no sleep. Junior has been waking up and crying every hour. This means that I get 30-45min sleep intervals between getting up and feeding Junior. I know I should stop feeding him so often so that he doesn't get hungry and doesn't need to be fed, but he doesn't just cry, he screams. It must be reflux or heartburn - or maybe those are the same things. I don't know. His latch has improved 100 fold. He hardly ever swallows air anymore so I can't blame it on that. When he wakes up screaming he does usually spit up when I pick him up. Last night I asked DH to help hold him which gave me a 1.5 hour interval of sleep, but Junior seems to search for me in particular at night. He will cry if DH holds him and then quiet down fairly quickly once DH hands him to me. It's not the same during the day. During the day he could really care less who is holding him, he just wants to be held and entertained - the entertainment part is preferably done by his brother.
We go to his four month check up tomorrow and I know they are going to tell me not to feed him at night anymore or that we need to give him medicine. I don't want to do either, but I do recognize that something must be done. My body feels like it is going to crash soon from lack of sleep.
Junior, despite the sleep issues, is growing and thriving. He is now starting on the belly laughs. DH will tickle his neck or his chest and Junior will laugh the loudest, heartiest, most contagious laugh. I took a video of it a few days ago and you can hear all four of us laughing at the same time.
Laughter = Junior.
No. Sleep. I have had no sleep. Junior has been waking up and crying every hour. This means that I get 30-45min sleep intervals between getting up and feeding Junior. I know I should stop feeding him so often so that he doesn't get hungry and doesn't need to be fed, but he doesn't just cry, he screams. It must be reflux or heartburn - or maybe those are the same things. I don't know. His latch has improved 100 fold. He hardly ever swallows air anymore so I can't blame it on that. When he wakes up screaming he does usually spit up when I pick him up. Last night I asked DH to help hold him which gave me a 1.5 hour interval of sleep, but Junior seems to search for me in particular at night. He will cry if DH holds him and then quiet down fairly quickly once DH hands him to me. It's not the same during the day. During the day he could really care less who is holding him, he just wants to be held and entertained - the entertainment part is preferably done by his brother.
We go to his four month check up tomorrow and I know they are going to tell me not to feed him at night anymore or that we need to give him medicine. I don't want to do either, but I do recognize that something must be done. My body feels like it is going to crash soon from lack of sleep.
Junior, despite the sleep issues, is growing and thriving. He is now starting on the belly laughs. DH will tickle his neck or his chest and Junior will laugh the loudest, heartiest, most contagious laugh. I took a video of it a few days ago and you can hear all four of us laughing at the same time.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I spy something...
So this morning I was feeding Junior and Handsome sat next to me and asked to play a game. I knew he meant that he wanted to play a game on my phone, but it was nowhere near me and I didn't really want him to play a game on there anyway. So I decided to teach him how to play "I Spy;" albeit a modified version. So I would choose a color and he would have to find something in the room with that color and then it would be his turn. He would chose colors before he found something in the room that was actually that color and I would struggle to find something that color. In case you are wondering, there is very little pink or yellow in my living room.
So it was my turn to choose a color and I chose brown. We have lots of wood so I figured he would chose the coffee table or the tv stand. The first time I chose brown he chose the chair that was barely within his line of sight, completely ignoring the ginormous coffee table a mere foot from him. I thought I would give him a second chance to choose the obvious rather than the obscure. His answer: "My toes!"
This was the first time he showed any awareness of skin color. Now I wonder how long it is going to take for him to ask why people are different colors; and especially why Mommy and Daddy look different. He asked DH why his privates were big - meaning bigger than what Handsome had. DH said it was because he was older so everything was bigger. He is definitely starting to notice and become curious about more of the world around him.
So it was my turn to choose a color and I chose brown. We have lots of wood so I figured he would chose the coffee table or the tv stand. The first time I chose brown he chose the chair that was barely within his line of sight, completely ignoring the ginormous coffee table a mere foot from him. I thought I would give him a second chance to choose the obvious rather than the obscure. His answer: "My toes!"
This was the first time he showed any awareness of skin color. Now I wonder how long it is going to take for him to ask why people are different colors; and especially why Mommy and Daddy look different. He asked DH why his privates were big - meaning bigger than what Handsome had. DH said it was because he was older so everything was bigger. He is definitely starting to notice and become curious about more of the world around him.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thankful
I really am thankful. I forget to say it, and really forget to think about it, but I am thankful. I have been given so much in this life and sometimes I should really reflect on that.
I am thankful for the person that my son is. Sometimes I worry about his development. I hear other moms brag about their child the same age as Handsome being able to ride a bike or read a book or recite the entire alphabet, and I think, why can't Handsome do that? But really, those things aren't nearly as important as the person that Handsome is becoming. Learning the alphabet will come in time and whenever we can actually afford a bicycle I'm sure he'll learn how to ride it like all the neighbor's kids. What I'm truly thankful for is the loving heart that Handsome has. That boy has shown true love from the time he was born. If he hears another baby crying, he will be truly concerned and want to go over to the baby and comfort them. If he sees a child at all younger than him he will go over and pat them on the back or give them a hug. He fears no one and loves everyone. He forgives in an instant. He will sit next to you on the couch, and cuddle in your arms and say, "I love you" without any prompt. He is unashamed of the love he feels for every person around him. He has a little car that he rides on and pretends that he is going to work or going to class and he yells, "Bye Mommy! I go class! Love you!" When he comes back into the room he'll give a big hug and a kiss and say, "I missed you!" One day DH was gone all day because of his school. Handsome didn't see him until 7pm - DH normally stays home with Handsome. When DH came home, Handsome was visibly miffed and said, "I missed you, Daddy." DH, who never cries, got a little choked up and felt terrible for being gone all day. Handsome loves to smile and laugh. The smallest joke will make him laugh so hard that he falls over. He is so filled with love and with joy. I am thankful for the blessing that he is in just being himself.
I am thankful for my second pregnancy. It's been hard this time. I've been sick for about 20 weeks. I've spent many hours in the bathroom and laying down. I must admit that I'm not a pregnancy loving girl. I love the baby and I love that I can be pregnant, but for me the most joyous moment comes when I see the beautiful baby that is the literal embodiment of the love between DH and I. I love seeing the intertwining of my life and my husband's life continue in a new being. All of the pain that my body must endure is nothing compared to the life that we help create. I am thankful for being able to be a mother. I am thankful that I am growing a healthy baby. I am thankful for the little kicks that I feel every day that are like a little secret between my baby and me.
I am thankful that I have a home to live in. I complain constantly about the fact that the value of our house has dropped so low, so fast. I would like the ability to sell it and move closer to family. I realize though, that some people don't have a home to call their own. I do have a home. My son has his own bed to sleep in. I am thankful for a stable roof over our heads.
I am thankful for my job. This one is a kicker. I complain about my job a lot. In the end though, I have a job. The economy right now is not the greatest and many people do not have jobs. I have a job that pays my bills and allows me to travel to see my family. I have a job that I don't have to worry about losing. I have a job that allows me to work a flexible schedule and take care of my son and let my husband attend college full time. I am thankful for the job that I have.
I am thankful for my husband. I can't believe how God has blessed me with DH. He is kind, self-sacrificing, and most of all, he loves me for who I am. He has crossed over the boundaries of the culture that he was raised in and is able to compromise with me to make our family work. Not many people can do that. He stays home with Handsome as a stay at home dad when many men from my own culture would not be willing to do that. When I'm having a bad day - or a bad month - he brings me flowers and writes notes that bring tears to my eyes. He always knows how to make me smile. And did I mention he was incredibly hot? ;)
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will be spending the day with DH, Handsome, the baby in my belly, and two close friends. Thank You Lord for the gifts You have given me and my family.
I am thankful for the person that my son is. Sometimes I worry about his development. I hear other moms brag about their child the same age as Handsome being able to ride a bike or read a book or recite the entire alphabet, and I think, why can't Handsome do that? But really, those things aren't nearly as important as the person that Handsome is becoming. Learning the alphabet will come in time and whenever we can actually afford a bicycle I'm sure he'll learn how to ride it like all the neighbor's kids. What I'm truly thankful for is the loving heart that Handsome has. That boy has shown true love from the time he was born. If he hears another baby crying, he will be truly concerned and want to go over to the baby and comfort them. If he sees a child at all younger than him he will go over and pat them on the back or give them a hug. He fears no one and loves everyone. He forgives in an instant. He will sit next to you on the couch, and cuddle in your arms and say, "I love you" without any prompt. He is unashamed of the love he feels for every person around him. He has a little car that he rides on and pretends that he is going to work or going to class and he yells, "Bye Mommy! I go class! Love you!" When he comes back into the room he'll give a big hug and a kiss and say, "I missed you!" One day DH was gone all day because of his school. Handsome didn't see him until 7pm - DH normally stays home with Handsome. When DH came home, Handsome was visibly miffed and said, "I missed you, Daddy." DH, who never cries, got a little choked up and felt terrible for being gone all day. Handsome loves to smile and laugh. The smallest joke will make him laugh so hard that he falls over. He is so filled with love and with joy. I am thankful for the blessing that he is in just being himself.
I am thankful for my second pregnancy. It's been hard this time. I've been sick for about 20 weeks. I've spent many hours in the bathroom and laying down. I must admit that I'm not a pregnancy loving girl. I love the baby and I love that I can be pregnant, but for me the most joyous moment comes when I see the beautiful baby that is the literal embodiment of the love between DH and I. I love seeing the intertwining of my life and my husband's life continue in a new being. All of the pain that my body must endure is nothing compared to the life that we help create. I am thankful for being able to be a mother. I am thankful that I am growing a healthy baby. I am thankful for the little kicks that I feel every day that are like a little secret between my baby and me.
I am thankful that I have a home to live in. I complain constantly about the fact that the value of our house has dropped so low, so fast. I would like the ability to sell it and move closer to family. I realize though, that some people don't have a home to call their own. I do have a home. My son has his own bed to sleep in. I am thankful for a stable roof over our heads.
I am thankful for my job. This one is a kicker. I complain about my job a lot. In the end though, I have a job. The economy right now is not the greatest and many people do not have jobs. I have a job that pays my bills and allows me to travel to see my family. I have a job that I don't have to worry about losing. I have a job that allows me to work a flexible schedule and take care of my son and let my husband attend college full time. I am thankful for the job that I have.
I am thankful for my husband. I can't believe how God has blessed me with DH. He is kind, self-sacrificing, and most of all, he loves me for who I am. He has crossed over the boundaries of the culture that he was raised in and is able to compromise with me to make our family work. Not many people can do that. He stays home with Handsome as a stay at home dad when many men from my own culture would not be willing to do that. When I'm having a bad day - or a bad month - he brings me flowers and writes notes that bring tears to my eyes. He always knows how to make me smile. And did I mention he was incredibly hot? ;)
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will be spending the day with DH, Handsome, the baby in my belly, and two close friends. Thank You Lord for the gifts You have given me and my family.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Updates
Wow, my poor neglected blog. I've had zero time to update this blog lately. So much has happened and now I feel like I've missed documenting most of it because I haven't written anything here. I do have pictures of most of everything, so at least there is that.
Handsome's language is doing MUCH better. He's got around 70 words that we can think of and he is learning something new everyday. About 60 of those words that we've written down are English and I know he has more Dagaare that DH just isn't remembering. He is even starting to put a couple words together to make the beginnings of sentences.
He has also gotten rid of a lot of his shyness. He'll give random people "fives" and even hugs. He's even playing with other little kids more. We went to a little Soccer Tot meetup and he found this one little boy that he decided was going to be his best friend. He kept following the little boy around and putting his hand on the boys shoulder. He kept wanting to hug him, but the other boy - who was three months younger than Handsome - wasn't too sure about it all. He did give Handsome a hug or two at his mother's request, but he just didn't want to share so much of his personal space. The funny thing is, about five minutes before Handsome started chasing him around, the other boy was watching Handsome and doing everything Handsome did but with about a 3 second delay so that Handsome didn't see that he was copying him. Too funny!
DH's school is not going quite as planned. We've had to delay everything by about a year and that has been really stressful. We are working through it and I know in the end everything will work out, it is just hard right now.
Handsome turns two in a month. *sniff, sniff* My little boy is growing up so fast! We bought him a slide for his birthday which I know he'll love. He's all about the slide on the playground. I have invited friends over to our house to celebrate. We thought about reserving a park bench somewhere, but found out that would be about $100, which seems outrageous to me, so we are stuffing as many people as we can into our tiny house. So far we have about 10 of Handsome's little friends coming and hopefully he'll be excited about them coming and not freak out about the number of people in his normally quiet and calm house. Singing Happy Birthday to him could be traumatic having that many eyes on him, but we'll see how he does. I wish my family and DH's family could be here, but it's just not possible right now. Maybe next year we'll go to either Texas or Ghana for his birthday. (Just dreaming here, folks. There is no way we could afford Ghana and DH will only have one week between semesters in school) I just hope Handsome actually gets to know, and can be close to, more of his family than DH and I.
I'll try to update more often, but I'm not optimistic. Work keeps getting busier and DH hogs the computer. ;)
Handsome's language is doing MUCH better. He's got around 70 words that we can think of and he is learning something new everyday. About 60 of those words that we've written down are English and I know he has more Dagaare that DH just isn't remembering. He is even starting to put a couple words together to make the beginnings of sentences.
He has also gotten rid of a lot of his shyness. He'll give random people "fives" and even hugs. He's even playing with other little kids more. We went to a little Soccer Tot meetup and he found this one little boy that he decided was going to be his best friend. He kept following the little boy around and putting his hand on the boys shoulder. He kept wanting to hug him, but the other boy - who was three months younger than Handsome - wasn't too sure about it all. He did give Handsome a hug or two at his mother's request, but he just didn't want to share so much of his personal space. The funny thing is, about five minutes before Handsome started chasing him around, the other boy was watching Handsome and doing everything Handsome did but with about a 3 second delay so that Handsome didn't see that he was copying him. Too funny!
DH's school is not going quite as planned. We've had to delay everything by about a year and that has been really stressful. We are working through it and I know in the end everything will work out, it is just hard right now.
Handsome turns two in a month. *sniff, sniff* My little boy is growing up so fast! We bought him a slide for his birthday which I know he'll love. He's all about the slide on the playground. I have invited friends over to our house to celebrate. We thought about reserving a park bench somewhere, but found out that would be about $100, which seems outrageous to me, so we are stuffing as many people as we can into our tiny house. So far we have about 10 of Handsome's little friends coming and hopefully he'll be excited about them coming and not freak out about the number of people in his normally quiet and calm house. Singing Happy Birthday to him could be traumatic having that many eyes on him, but we'll see how he does. I wish my family and DH's family could be here, but it's just not possible right now. Maybe next year we'll go to either Texas or Ghana for his birthday. (Just dreaming here, folks. There is no way we could afford Ghana and DH will only have one week between semesters in school) I just hope Handsome actually gets to know, and can be close to, more of his family than DH and I.
I'll try to update more often, but I'm not optimistic. Work keeps getting busier and DH hogs the computer. ;)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Baby Chef
Ok, quick updates because I have been slacking in keeping up my blog. Handsome will pick up books now and start talking pretending like he is reading it. And a couple weeks ago I made brownies and let Handsome do all the stirring. He did a really good job! I was expecting to have to clean the whole kitchen, but he did well.
DH has had a rough time lately. His classes didn't go so well. We're in the process of figuring out what to do next.
DH has had a rough time lately. His classes didn't go so well. We're in the process of figuring out what to do next.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
New Wave
Handsome has started waving the Ghana wave. He waves hello now and not just goodbye. DH let me sleep in this morning and when I came downstairs Owen was laughing and waving to me. Nothing better to wake up to.
New words:
Dog - Dah
Cold - Coh (not sure if I wrote this one before)
The temperature was up enough today to go outside and play. I love warm weather. Handsome played in his sandbox and we walked down to the little park and played on the swingset. Did I mention I love warm weather?
Yesterday we went to see a Ugandan man who performs his local songs and dances. Handsome actually paid attention the whole time. And a majority of the children there were actually mixed kids. Handsome sat on my lap almost the whole time until the end and he started dancing.
My tv? It's dying. Everything turns green in waves. I can't afford a new tv.
Sorry for the choppiness. I have to let Dh have the computer back quickly, so I just wanted to update quickly.
New words:
Dog - Dah
Cold - Coh (not sure if I wrote this one before)
The temperature was up enough today to go outside and play. I love warm weather. Handsome played in his sandbox and we walked down to the little park and played on the swingset. Did I mention I love warm weather?
Yesterday we went to see a Ugandan man who performs his local songs and dances. Handsome actually paid attention the whole time. And a majority of the children there were actually mixed kids. Handsome sat on my lap almost the whole time until the end and he started dancing.
My tv? It's dying. Everything turns green in waves. I can't afford a new tv.
Sorry for the choppiness. I have to let Dh have the computer back quickly, so I just wanted to update quickly.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Snow!
It's snowing! I didn't get to be there when Handsome saw the snow this morning, but I was on the phone a little later. He kept walking to the window and laughing and pointing. He'd point, talk to the outside, then look up at DH, put his arms out to the side and say, "I no no!?" (Translated: I don't know!?). LOL!
I wish I could have been there.
I wish I could have been there.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Important Studies
DH is a nursing student. This semester they are studying pregnancy and childbirth, and care of mom and baby. Can I tell you how happy this makes me?!
When I was pregnant with Handsome most of the technical stuff that I came home telling him he would nod his head and pretend like he was listening, but really he didn't hear most of what I said. When I told him how big the baby was this month, or when the baby could hear inside me he acted like he was listening, but I knew he was just placating me. He didn't care so much. What mattered to him was that I was healthy and the baby was healthy. Because his intentions were good, I let it slide.
But now?? Now he HAS to know those things!! He asks me questions all the time from what he is reading and I look at him dumbfounded that he doesn't know. I told him that two years ago!! We even took a childbirth class which told the majority of what he is learning right now. I can't give him too hard a time though, because he realizes now that he missed his opportunity. And I'm likely to be better at helping him out this semester because I want to learn all that stuff.
Some of the information is too hard for me though. Last night we were learning about the FHR monitor and what the different decelerations mean. Some were just fine, and some meant the baby was in serious distress. They had sample tracings that he had to answer questions on to figure out if the baby was ok or not. I actually got teary eyed when we saw one with late decelerations. The poor baby was struggling. I wanted so bad to say, send that mother to get a c-section and save the baby! I know it was just a drawing, but wow. I always wanted to work with newborn babies in the hospital, but now I don't think I could. Not until my babies are MUCH older.
DH is going to face a major cultural problem this semester. Men in his culture are not supposed to hold babies before their umbilical cord falls off. He didn't hold Handsome until he was almost two weeks old. We specifically told the nurses not to hand Handsome to DH after I gave birth. My bf cut the cord, because DH wanted nothing to do with that. But now? Now he has to with his school. He'll be graded for it. I know he's struggling a little with that. He said when we returned to Ghana he would wash his hands with herbs so that would counteract the effect. This is some of the stuff that I just don't understand, but if it makes him feel better, then ok. And the actual reason for not being able to hold the baby, I don't remember. I think it had something to do with making his spirit weaker. No idea now. Maybe he'll let his female classmates deal with the baby and he'll take care of the mother. It'll be interesting to see what happens.
When I was pregnant with Handsome most of the technical stuff that I came home telling him he would nod his head and pretend like he was listening, but really he didn't hear most of what I said. When I told him how big the baby was this month, or when the baby could hear inside me he acted like he was listening, but I knew he was just placating me. He didn't care so much. What mattered to him was that I was healthy and the baby was healthy. Because his intentions were good, I let it slide.
But now?? Now he HAS to know those things!! He asks me questions all the time from what he is reading and I look at him dumbfounded that he doesn't know. I told him that two years ago!! We even took a childbirth class which told the majority of what he is learning right now. I can't give him too hard a time though, because he realizes now that he missed his opportunity. And I'm likely to be better at helping him out this semester because I want to learn all that stuff.
Some of the information is too hard for me though. Last night we were learning about the FHR monitor and what the different decelerations mean. Some were just fine, and some meant the baby was in serious distress. They had sample tracings that he had to answer questions on to figure out if the baby was ok or not. I actually got teary eyed when we saw one with late decelerations. The poor baby was struggling. I wanted so bad to say, send that mother to get a c-section and save the baby! I know it was just a drawing, but wow. I always wanted to work with newborn babies in the hospital, but now I don't think I could. Not until my babies are MUCH older.
DH is going to face a major cultural problem this semester. Men in his culture are not supposed to hold babies before their umbilical cord falls off. He didn't hold Handsome until he was almost two weeks old. We specifically told the nurses not to hand Handsome to DH after I gave birth. My bf cut the cord, because DH wanted nothing to do with that. But now? Now he has to with his school. He'll be graded for it. I know he's struggling a little with that. He said when we returned to Ghana he would wash his hands with herbs so that would counteract the effect. This is some of the stuff that I just don't understand, but if it makes him feel better, then ok. And the actual reason for not being able to hold the baby, I don't remember. I think it had something to do with making his spirit weaker. No idea now. Maybe he'll let his female classmates deal with the baby and he'll take care of the mother. It'll be interesting to see what happens.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Mixed Heritage
President Barack Obama of the United States of America. Never thought I would hear such a phrase and it would be the truth. An exotic name for these parts and yet the people of America voted for him. A man whose father was African and whose mother is a white American. A man who grew up with little money and got scholarships to the good schools. A man who used his education to get him to the highest position in America.
Now when my son comes home from school complaining about his homework or crying because a white kid told him he was a "good-for-nothing n*****" I can tell him brush it off because he can do absolutely anything with his life when he is serious about his education. He now has an example of a person with mixed heritage that echoes his own, who has made it. Obama beat all odds to become elected to the presidency of the USA, and Handsome could do the same if he really wanted to. (Now, I DON'T want him to because I would be worried every day for the rest of my life, but if he really wanted to, he could.)
Now that the celebrations are over, poor President Obama will have the hardest job any president has had in recent memory. He walks into a mine field of problems with the economy, terrorism, and war, and yes, even racism. I can only pray that God will guide him to make the right decisions.
We did not go to the capital to watch the inauguration. It was hard to stay home because we are so close. On a normal day it would take us maybe 45 min to get there, but of course yesterday was no ordinary day. It would have taken f-o-r-e-v-e-r. The time it would have taken to get there plus the fact that Handsome is 20 months old, the temp was 25F, the windchill was 11F, and I was terrified of some attack all kept us home for the day. We watched everything from the comfort of our living room. Handsome knew that we were paying attention to something other than him so he was loud and climbing all over me so that he would get some of the attention. I kept telling him to watch, but of course he would have none of that. And would he crawl all over DH? Of course not. It was only Mom that he wanted. The only time he was quiet was at the end of the speeches when the crowd would clap. He would then look at the TV and clap and laugh right along with them as if he had been listening the whole time - or maybe it was because he thought it was finally over, who knows.
Oh, and one thing that I did not like? I didn't hear it when we were watching, but I heard it in the commentary afterwards. They said that the crowd boo'ed Bush when he was introduced. That makes me angry. Yes, be happy that a new president is coming, but do not disrespect the president that we have had for eight years. You can dislike his policies and even dislike the person if you like, but do not disrespect him. He was leaving office mere moments after his name was announced, why would you feel the need to treat him like that? There would be no good come out of that.
Dear Lord, please help our new president.
Now when my son comes home from school complaining about his homework or crying because a white kid told him he was a "good-for-nothing n*****" I can tell him brush it off because he can do absolutely anything with his life when he is serious about his education. He now has an example of a person with mixed heritage that echoes his own, who has made it. Obama beat all odds to become elected to the presidency of the USA, and Handsome could do the same if he really wanted to. (Now, I DON'T want him to because I would be worried every day for the rest of my life, but if he really wanted to, he could.)
Now that the celebrations are over, poor President Obama will have the hardest job any president has had in recent memory. He walks into a mine field of problems with the economy, terrorism, and war, and yes, even racism. I can only pray that God will guide him to make the right decisions.
We did not go to the capital to watch the inauguration. It was hard to stay home because we are so close. On a normal day it would take us maybe 45 min to get there, but of course yesterday was no ordinary day. It would have taken f-o-r-e-v-e-r. The time it would have taken to get there plus the fact that Handsome is 20 months old, the temp was 25F, the windchill was 11F, and I was terrified of some attack all kept us home for the day. We watched everything from the comfort of our living room. Handsome knew that we were paying attention to something other than him so he was loud and climbing all over me so that he would get some of the attention. I kept telling him to watch, but of course he would have none of that. And would he crawl all over DH? Of course not. It was only Mom that he wanted. The only time he was quiet was at the end of the speeches when the crowd would clap. He would then look at the TV and clap and laugh right along with them as if he had been listening the whole time - or maybe it was because he thought it was finally over, who knows.
Oh, and one thing that I did not like? I didn't hear it when we were watching, but I heard it in the commentary afterwards. They said that the crowd boo'ed Bush when he was introduced. That makes me angry. Yes, be happy that a new president is coming, but do not disrespect the president that we have had for eight years. You can dislike his policies and even dislike the person if you like, but do not disrespect him. He was leaving office mere moments after his name was announced, why would you feel the need to treat him like that? There would be no good come out of that.
Dear Lord, please help our new president.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Talking things out
So DH and I spoke again. I cried and cried, harder than I have in years. DH held me and patiently waited for me to be able to speak and to listen again. It felt good to finally get all that frustration out. I rarely let myself cry more than just small tears streaming from my eyes. In fact, I don't think DH has ever seen me cry this hard. This was one of those cries where you struggle to breathe and your chin shakes and you just want to crawl into the fetal position in the corner of a room.
We came to a compromise. DH said that he still wants four children, he just doesn't know how we will afford them. He said it's not out of the question, it's just that he wants to graduate from school and see how we can afford two children first. So we decided that next year we will put Handsome in preschool once DH starts working and I will continue working full time. We will do this to build back up savings that is currently being depleted by DH not working and us paying for his school. After a while of that we may have our second child at which time we'll pull Handsome out of daycare and I'll switch to a part time schedule that hopefully DH and I can figure out how to balance my schedule and his so that neither Handsome nor the second child have to go to daycare. I do hope though that the combination of our incomes will be enough for Handsome to continue going to preschool a few days a week, because by that time he'll be 3 years old and he will need at least a little while with other children and learning basic skills. He'll get bored at home with me and the baby all day. We'll see though.
I feel better about things now. I'm still tired, but that has more to do with my schedule than anything else.
I love DH and I love Handsome. I love that God has given me the life that I have. My difficulties are nothing compared to those that others have.
I think I hear Handsome waking up...
We came to a compromise. DH said that he still wants four children, he just doesn't know how we will afford them. He said it's not out of the question, it's just that he wants to graduate from school and see how we can afford two children first. So we decided that next year we will put Handsome in preschool once DH starts working and I will continue working full time. We will do this to build back up savings that is currently being depleted by DH not working and us paying for his school. After a while of that we may have our second child at which time we'll pull Handsome out of daycare and I'll switch to a part time schedule that hopefully DH and I can figure out how to balance my schedule and his so that neither Handsome nor the second child have to go to daycare. I do hope though that the combination of our incomes will be enough for Handsome to continue going to preschool a few days a week, because by that time he'll be 3 years old and he will need at least a little while with other children and learning basic skills. He'll get bored at home with me and the baby all day. We'll see though.
I feel better about things now. I'm still tired, but that has more to do with my schedule than anything else.
I love DH and I love Handsome. I love that God has given me the life that I have. My difficulties are nothing compared to those that others have.
I think I hear Handsome waking up...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
More space for children...
Today is not a good day. Not at all.
Last night DH and I had a discussion about the future. About how many children we want and when we want them. Before we got married we had many discussions about how many children. We were both solid about wanting four children. This made me very happy because I had always wanted four, from the time I was maybe six years old. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find a husband that wanted that many children since the "typical" American family has two.
So then there was the timing issue. We were married when we were 25 years old. If we were planning on four children that didn't leave much time for waiting to get pregnant. I also always wanted to have all my kids before I turned 30. Obviously that was impossible, so I thought I could at least have two before I turned 30. DH wanted to wait. He thinks women can have children without any problem until their 50 - no joke. He says there are many women in his village who have done that so he doesn't see why I can't and why I would see that as a problem. He wanted to completely wait until he finished with school before starting to have children. Problem is that he didn't start college until he was 27 and he wants to go all the way until he gets his Ph.D. So if we followed the timeline that he wanted, I wouldn't have children until I was 35 and then the idea of four would be completely out of the window.
Anyway, we figured out how to have the first and we had him. But now? Now DH wants to wait until he has finished school to have the second. And then he wants to be done. He doesn't want the third and he doesn't want the forth. He only wants two children. Period. He said he changed his mind because this one takes so much work and so much money and he didn't realize it was going to be like this.
Problem for me is I already made room in my heart for four. I planned for four. I know they are work and I know they are money, but I already love them. I don't even know if I could handle them. Owen already tries my patience and multiply that by four and I could be in trouble. But I WANT that trouble. I want the challenge. I want to watch them grow and learn and test their limits. I want to see who they marry and meet my grandchildren. I know I haven't even given birth to them, but I love them.
Today I am mourning their loss. I refuse to convince DH to have four. I don't want to force him to have more children than he wants. I don't want there to be the possibility that he will feel resentful towards me for forcing him to have more children or even worse resentful to the children that would be born to us. Unless he legitimately changes his mind and says he truly wants more than two children, we will stop after the second child. He is likely to say we should continue because he doesn't want to see me upset, but that's not enough. He has to want the children.
I do think it's unfair though. We clearly stated before we got married that we both wanted four children. I don't think that it's is fair for him to change his mind. He is afraid we won't have enough money, which is valid, I just don't think that's enough of a reason. We would be ok. Nevertheless, he feels we won't have enough and feels that it would cause too much drama in our house.
He also wants me to continue to work full time. I was planning on switching to part time next year when DH starts work so that we can continue to keep Handsome out of full time daycare. DH thinks Handsome should go to daycare and that we need the extra income from my job. This is the second dagger. Not only have I lost two children, I have to send my first child to fulltime daycare when he is 2 1/2 years old. Do you remember from previous posts that daycare makes me hyperventilate? I just can't handle it. I know most kids turn out ok, but I've always wanted my child raised by me or someone in my close family. I'm afraid he would feel a sense of abandonment if put into full time daycare too early. I do want to put him in preschool when he turns three, but that would be part time. I'm terrified of daycare.
So today I'm mourning. Handsome can see it in my eyes and that just makes it worse. He just looks at me wondering what is wrong. I feel defeated. I've been fighting for so long for what I want. I fought in school to get a degree that I ended up not wanting. I fought in the Peace Corps for food and equal rights. I fought my own family for the right to marry my husband. I fought to learn and keep my job. I am fighting myself to stay in my job and keep bills paid. Now I've almost lost the fight. I was fighting for my four children and now I can't have what I was fighting for, so why fight? The battle has been lost. It's over. I don't have control, I can't change the outcome. I lost.
I will love and cherish the two children that I will have and forever mourn the two that might have been.
Last night DH and I had a discussion about the future. About how many children we want and when we want them. Before we got married we had many discussions about how many children. We were both solid about wanting four children. This made me very happy because I had always wanted four, from the time I was maybe six years old. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find a husband that wanted that many children since the "typical" American family has two.
So then there was the timing issue. We were married when we were 25 years old. If we were planning on four children that didn't leave much time for waiting to get pregnant. I also always wanted to have all my kids before I turned 30. Obviously that was impossible, so I thought I could at least have two before I turned 30. DH wanted to wait. He thinks women can have children without any problem until their 50 - no joke. He says there are many women in his village who have done that so he doesn't see why I can't and why I would see that as a problem. He wanted to completely wait until he finished with school before starting to have children. Problem is that he didn't start college until he was 27 and he wants to go all the way until he gets his Ph.D. So if we followed the timeline that he wanted, I wouldn't have children until I was 35 and then the idea of four would be completely out of the window.
Anyway, we figured out how to have the first and we had him. But now? Now DH wants to wait until he has finished school to have the second. And then he wants to be done. He doesn't want the third and he doesn't want the forth. He only wants two children. Period. He said he changed his mind because this one takes so much work and so much money and he didn't realize it was going to be like this.
Problem for me is I already made room in my heart for four. I planned for four. I know they are work and I know they are money, but I already love them. I don't even know if I could handle them. Owen already tries my patience and multiply that by four and I could be in trouble. But I WANT that trouble. I want the challenge. I want to watch them grow and learn and test their limits. I want to see who they marry and meet my grandchildren. I know I haven't even given birth to them, but I love them.
Today I am mourning their loss. I refuse to convince DH to have four. I don't want to force him to have more children than he wants. I don't want there to be the possibility that he will feel resentful towards me for forcing him to have more children or even worse resentful to the children that would be born to us. Unless he legitimately changes his mind and says he truly wants more than two children, we will stop after the second child. He is likely to say we should continue because he doesn't want to see me upset, but that's not enough. He has to want the children.
I do think it's unfair though. We clearly stated before we got married that we both wanted four children. I don't think that it's is fair for him to change his mind. He is afraid we won't have enough money, which is valid, I just don't think that's enough of a reason. We would be ok. Nevertheless, he feels we won't have enough and feels that it would cause too much drama in our house.
He also wants me to continue to work full time. I was planning on switching to part time next year when DH starts work so that we can continue to keep Handsome out of full time daycare. DH thinks Handsome should go to daycare and that we need the extra income from my job. This is the second dagger. Not only have I lost two children, I have to send my first child to fulltime daycare when he is 2 1/2 years old. Do you remember from previous posts that daycare makes me hyperventilate? I just can't handle it. I know most kids turn out ok, but I've always wanted my child raised by me or someone in my close family. I'm afraid he would feel a sense of abandonment if put into full time daycare too early. I do want to put him in preschool when he turns three, but that would be part time. I'm terrified of daycare.
So today I'm mourning. Handsome can see it in my eyes and that just makes it worse. He just looks at me wondering what is wrong. I feel defeated. I've been fighting for so long for what I want. I fought in school to get a degree that I ended up not wanting. I fought in the Peace Corps for food and equal rights. I fought my own family for the right to marry my husband. I fought to learn and keep my job. I am fighting myself to stay in my job and keep bills paid. Now I've almost lost the fight. I was fighting for my four children and now I can't have what I was fighting for, so why fight? The battle has been lost. It's over. I don't have control, I can't change the outcome. I lost.
I will love and cherish the two children that I will have and forever mourn the two that might have been.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Vacation Summation
So we just got back from our two week vacation. It was wonderful. It made me feel guilty for living so far away from family though. Handsome played with his cousins and ran on Dad's land like he had finally been set free. His new word from vacation is "cow." He LOVED Dad's cows. He would run straight for them. He would stick his hands through the fence so he could feel the cow's nose.
I left Handsome with DH and Dad on one of the first days and when I came home I was greeted with pictures of Handsome picking up cow dung. Yes, cow dung. In his bare hands. And Handsome sucks his thumbs. Yes, cow dung in hands with thumbs that go in Handsome's mouth. Ick. Both Dad and DH insisted that it was old dung so it was ok. Dung is dung, my friend.
Another day Handsome and I went out to the bamboo area with Dad and J (Handsome's cousin - 8 years old). We were on the cow's side of the fence and they were following us thinking Dad was going to give them food. If I put Handsome down he would literally run straight for the cows. I let him down inside the fenced in bamboo area and he squeezed his way through the gate to run to the cows. As I was struggling to undo the chain as fast as I could, he ran towards a startled cow. Great. I opened the gate and tried not to run too fast so that I wouldn't freak the cow out even more. The cow jumped some and started to run away, but I caught up with Handsome before he got tangled in the cow's legs. And Handsome still cried when I picked him up because he wanted to get to the cow.
He loved the wide open spaces. We let him down just to see what he would do and he started running and didn't stop. He would fall over the dung heaps and old ant hills, and then just get back up and keep running. He was so excited he just couldn't stop. I don't think I've ever seen him so excited and looking like he felt so at home in a place where he truly fit. Apparently he needs space to run. This city life isn't for him. It's not really for me either, but it's where my job is, so I'm stuck right now. It's also where the culture lets us be who we are, so I'm a bit afraid to move too far back in the country. Anyway, he finally got to be a speck in the distance so I sent DH running to catch up with him and bring him back.
Handsome loved being around his cousins. He followed them everywhere. The youngest cousin, N, is five months younger than Handsome, so they were kinda drawn to each other. They calmed each other down and played very nicely together. N doesn't quite walk yet though, so they couldn't do too much. DH and I actually got to go out on a date because the cousins distracted Handsome enough, and he loved my brother's wife. So DH and I got to go on our third date since Handsome was born.
We also got to see my bf. Handsome actually let her carry him around for quite a while. As for my bf, God has sent more troubles her way. She lost her job the week before Christmas. She worked for an OBGYN that specialized in fertility problems. Well, since the economy sucks they don't have as many patients. As a result, they can't afford as many nurses. I didn't get to talk to her as much as I would like, but she seemed very tired and worn down. She is trying so hard to do the right thing and yet crap keeps getting thrown at her. I really hope 2009 is a better year for her.
The flight to TX was good. Handsome ate for the first part and then fell asleep. For the last part he watch a few podcasts on the iPod, ate some goldfish, and then we landed. The flight home was not so pleasant. The flight left at 7pm so I thought for sure he would sleep. No sleep at all on that flight. He was awake and kicking the seat in front of him the entire time. He was bored and cranky and it took a lot of work from me to keep him from crying and screaming on the flight. At one point I thought I would give DH the responsibility so that I could rest for a while. Of course that didn't work and I had to fight to get my seat back so that Handsome would stop yelling. As we sat waiting to get our bags off the belt a woman walked up to us and said she was a child photographer and was just drawn to Handsome. She gave me her card. She takes good photos, but of course we can't afford professional pictures. Her comment kinda made me chuckle inside because of course she's drawn to children, that's how she earns her income. Handsome finally fell asleep about 15 min into the car ride home. He was so tired at that point that when we got home I was able to just transfer him from the car to his crib and he barely woke up - which for Handsome, never happens.
Overall it was an awesome vacation and going back to work is hard.
I left Handsome with DH and Dad on one of the first days and when I came home I was greeted with pictures of Handsome picking up cow dung. Yes, cow dung. In his bare hands. And Handsome sucks his thumbs. Yes, cow dung in hands with thumbs that go in Handsome's mouth. Ick. Both Dad and DH insisted that it was old dung so it was ok. Dung is dung, my friend.
Another day Handsome and I went out to the bamboo area with Dad and J (Handsome's cousin - 8 years old). We were on the cow's side of the fence and they were following us thinking Dad was going to give them food. If I put Handsome down he would literally run straight for the cows. I let him down inside the fenced in bamboo area and he squeezed his way through the gate to run to the cows. As I was struggling to undo the chain as fast as I could, he ran towards a startled cow. Great. I opened the gate and tried not to run too fast so that I wouldn't freak the cow out even more. The cow jumped some and started to run away, but I caught up with Handsome before he got tangled in the cow's legs. And Handsome still cried when I picked him up because he wanted to get to the cow.
He loved the wide open spaces. We let him down just to see what he would do and he started running and didn't stop. He would fall over the dung heaps and old ant hills, and then just get back up and keep running. He was so excited he just couldn't stop. I don't think I've ever seen him so excited and looking like he felt so at home in a place where he truly fit. Apparently he needs space to run. This city life isn't for him. It's not really for me either, but it's where my job is, so I'm stuck right now. It's also where the culture lets us be who we are, so I'm a bit afraid to move too far back in the country. Anyway, he finally got to be a speck in the distance so I sent DH running to catch up with him and bring him back.
Handsome loved being around his cousins. He followed them everywhere. The youngest cousin, N, is five months younger than Handsome, so they were kinda drawn to each other. They calmed each other down and played very nicely together. N doesn't quite walk yet though, so they couldn't do too much. DH and I actually got to go out on a date because the cousins distracted Handsome enough, and he loved my brother's wife. So DH and I got to go on our third date since Handsome was born.
We also got to see my bf. Handsome actually let her carry him around for quite a while. As for my bf, God has sent more troubles her way. She lost her job the week before Christmas. She worked for an OBGYN that specialized in fertility problems. Well, since the economy sucks they don't have as many patients. As a result, they can't afford as many nurses. I didn't get to talk to her as much as I would like, but she seemed very tired and worn down. She is trying so hard to do the right thing and yet crap keeps getting thrown at her. I really hope 2009 is a better year for her.
The flight to TX was good. Handsome ate for the first part and then fell asleep. For the last part he watch a few podcasts on the iPod, ate some goldfish, and then we landed. The flight home was not so pleasant. The flight left at 7pm so I thought for sure he would sleep. No sleep at all on that flight. He was awake and kicking the seat in front of him the entire time. He was bored and cranky and it took a lot of work from me to keep him from crying and screaming on the flight. At one point I thought I would give DH the responsibility so that I could rest for a while. Of course that didn't work and I had to fight to get my seat back so that Handsome would stop yelling. As we sat waiting to get our bags off the belt a woman walked up to us and said she was a child photographer and was just drawn to Handsome. She gave me her card. She takes good photos, but of course we can't afford professional pictures. Her comment kinda made me chuckle inside because of course she's drawn to children, that's how she earns her income. Handsome finally fell asleep about 15 min into the car ride home. He was so tired at that point that when we got home I was able to just transfer him from the car to his crib and he barely woke up - which for Handsome, never happens.
Overall it was an awesome vacation and going back to work is hard.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Vacation.... and now sick
Today is the first day of my two week vacation!!! Yay!!!
But do you know what happened here at the very beginning of my glorious vacation? Sickness. Handsome started with a runny nose on Thursday. Then by Friday all three of us were sick. I am apparently the biggest wuss because all I want to do is sleep. Today DH let me sleep until 11am and probably would have let me sleep all day, but I woke up nauseous from hunger, so I got up. And now? Now I'm sneezing blood. Disgusting, right?
Our flight is on Tuesday. If I am congested while on a flight, I inevitably get an ear infection or two. Please, Lord, let us all be healthy by Tuesday. I don't know if I can handle a whiney, sick child on an airplane when I'm whiney and sick myself.
I hate colds.
But do you know what happened here at the very beginning of my glorious vacation? Sickness. Handsome started with a runny nose on Thursday. Then by Friday all three of us were sick. I am apparently the biggest wuss because all I want to do is sleep. Today DH let me sleep until 11am and probably would have let me sleep all day, but I woke up nauseous from hunger, so I got up. And now? Now I'm sneezing blood. Disgusting, right?
Our flight is on Tuesday. If I am congested while on a flight, I inevitably get an ear infection or two. Please, Lord, let us all be healthy by Tuesday. I don't know if I can handle a whiney, sick child on an airplane when I'm whiney and sick myself.
I hate colds.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Veggies
I made vegetable soup tonight. And Handsome ate an entire bowl plus more! Apparently if I want him to eat his veggies I should just make soup.
And another new word
Co = cold.
For those who pray, please pray for DH. He has two finals tomorrow and I'm nervous about both. He says he isn't, but I am.
And then I have a TON of work to get done before the end of the week. This is going to be a hard week. Last week sucked and this week doesn't look like it's going to be much better.
Lord, please give me the strength to make it through this week.
And another new word
Co = cold.
For those who pray, please pray for DH. He has two finals tomorrow and I'm nervous about both. He says he isn't, but I am.
And then I have a TON of work to get done before the end of the week. This is going to be a hard week. Last week sucked and this week doesn't look like it's going to be much better.
Lord, please give me the strength to make it through this week.
Monday, December 8, 2008
My beautiful eyes
So DH, Handsome, and I went to do some last minute Christmas shopping - which I find myself doing frequently against my better judgement. When we were checking out DH was holding Handsome behind me and I was paying and talking to the guy checking us out. After the normal "It's cold outside tonight" conversation, he pauses and just looks at me. Weird right? And then he says, "You have the most beautiful green eyes." So I said thank you, left as fast as I could, and then started laughing as soon as we got to the parking lot. DH was standing right behind me with Handsome and this guy was flirting with me!! I couldn't believe it! DH even asked me when we got outside if that was really what the guy had said. Now granted, people don't normally think DH and I are together, but usually when Handsome is there, they get the hint. Some guys just don't get the hint.
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