He sings!!

Every night I sing Twinkle Twinkle to Handsome. He sings with me but rarely gets the words in the right spot or the notes right. I think it's adorable though and we both laugh through the whole song.

Many nights before I start Handsome's bath and bedtime routine, we play La-La-Lullaby. It's on PBS Sprout:

http://www.sproutonline.com/sprout/videos/detail.aspx?program=pajanimals&subset=By_Show
(search for the La La Lullaby)

Sometimes he sits quietly and watches. Sometimes he runs around the room trying to get out the last of his energy. Many - most - times he looks at DH and I and makes sure that we are singing along, because, well, it's a requirement. It's one of the few times DH actually sings along to one of Handsome's songs and Handsome is well aware that this is his one opportunity for DH to sing for him.

So last night? Last night he sat between DH and I and sang the whole song with us!!!!!! He got almost every word in the refrain and was even getting the majority of the notes right!! He stared DH in the face for almost the entire song, seeming to make sure that they were both singing the song together. DH could barely compose himself enough to sing the song because he was so shocked that Handsome all of the sudden could sing the whole song and knew all the words. I was a little more prepared because of our nightly Twinkle routine, but DH had never heard Handsome sing quite like this. Honestly my mouth was just as wide in surprise, but Handsome wasn't staring at me so it was easier for me.

DH gave Handsome a huge hug afterwards and was so proud of him. He said he was going to call his father today to brag on Handsome. He declared that since this showed how grown up Handsome is, his father would reply with, "So when are you having the next one?" Great. No pressure. Really.

Handsome surprises me everyday.

I love my little boy

Handsome is growing so quickly. He's talking in little sentences and throwing balls and learning new things every day.

Yesterday he kept putting himself in time-out when he did something he knew he shouldn't. He accidentally knocked out the screen in the front window and turned to me with terror in his face and started to cry because he knew he wasn't supposed to touch the screen. I felt terrible putting him in time out for that one, but I think he would have felt worse if I didn't.

Lately he's also just told DH or I that he was "sleepy" and started up the stairs to his room on his own for nap or bedtime.

He can now say, "I love you, Mommy." or "I love you, Daddy" and it's the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

He says "sorry" when he does something wrong, "Please" when he's asking for something and "thank you" when he gets something he wanted. I remember watching friends struggle to get their kids to use manners so this makes me SOO happy. It may be because of my friends' struggle that it happened so easily with Handsome because I put such an emphasis on it after seeing their struggle. We went to buy new clothes for him this weekend and he said "thank you" to the woman working at the counter when she gave his hat back to him. She was so surprised that he said thank you that she brought over her coworker so that he could say it again when she gave him stickers. She asked if she could take him home, and Handsome said "no." LOL I think part of the surprise is that Handsome is still relatively small for his age so he looks younger.

I bought a hat for him this weekend. It's too cute! He used to love wearing his warm hat in the winter, but hasn't had anything since then. As soon as I found it at the store for him, he put it on his head and didn't take it off until bath time that night. He loves hats! I think he mostly loves the reactions he gets when he wears hats. I dote on him as do random passersby. I tried to take pictures, but consistently got the back of his head. He apparently has to be in the mood to have his picture taken.

We didn't go to fireworks this weekend, but on Sunday we watched the neighbors play with the tiny kind you can light in the street. After Handsome got over my over excitement, he enjoyed them too and we sat and ate our beans by the window as we watched the fireworks (this is when he accidentally knocked out the screen).

Handsome apparently scars like DH. He had two mosquito bites on his leg a while back and he scratched the bejeezers out of them and now he has scars all up and down the side of his leg. It's been at least a month or two, so we'll see if/when those fade away.

He also is sporting a farmer's tan right now. His face and the back of his neck are really tan, as is the lower half of his biceps down to his hands. His feet have tan lines in the shape of his sandals. His belly, however, is white.

We taught him the difference between a green light and a red light, so when we're in the car, he has to tell us when the light turns green: "Green! Go! Green! Thank you, green! Yay!! Green." *clap, clap* And when it turns red: "Go? Stop. Green? Ok." *pout* I fear for when he is old enough to drive. Maybe I'll buy him a car that can't go above 50mph. I'll sleep better at night that way.

He loves to kiss boo-boos. If he falls, he'll kiss whatever hurts. If DH or I knock a toe into a corner, he'll be kissing our toes for the rest of the night and asking if it's ok.

He loves group hugs. If he sees DH and I hugging each other he insists on being picked up and hugging both of us at the same time.

He has also taken to randomly, and purposefully, falling off the couches and chairs. He thinks it's funny to fall on his head.

He asks to play with the bubbles so that he can go outside, but once outside he could care less about those bubbles. He'd much rather play in the dirt or yell at the dog next door.

He dances at any and everything. He loves to shake his little booty to any song he hears. When the song ends, he puts a pitiful look on his face, raises his shoulders, puts his hands out to the side and says, "Music? Music finished?"

He's learning the hand motions for the Itsy Bitsy Spider. He gets frustrated when he can't do the spider part and cries until I move his fingers the right way. Let me just say that it's hard to do that backwards.

When DH is bringing in the groceries, Handsome will hold the glass door open for him. He also likes to carry the bags when we're at the store. He watches DH lift weights, so he likes to lift the 5 pound weights and say at the same time, "Up, down, up, down." He thinks it's hilarious.

He is still sucking his thumb ALL the time. If you tell him to take it out of his mouth, he will, but two seconds later he puts it back in his mouth. He's an equal opportunity thumb sucker, so either thumb will do. I think it's adorable, but I also don't want him hurting his teeth because of it.

I love that little boy more than I than I thought I was capable of.

Two days of no sickness!

For the past couple days I've actually woken up and not been sick! It's been splendid. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be semi-healthy.

So if you were counting, it was more than a month of stomach/intestinal issues. It was no fun.

And the bill from the ER? Also not fun. I even have good insurance, so I can't imagine how hard it must be to pay an ER bill without good insurance. And I now have what seems to be permanent nerve damage in my hand from where the nurse tried to take my blood. If you rub the back of my hand, I feel tingling in my finger. And lucky me gets to pay the hospital for it.

Irony

So after my last post I went back through old emails. It's amazing what I've managed to forget. Now that I am wanting only to be taken care of I find my rants about people taking care of me. I changed the names, but here is an excerpt from an old email correspondance complaining about a guy who just wanted to protect me:

Me:

Ok, maybe he's trying to protect me, maybe he's trying to protect himself.
I don't know. No, things would not be easy, but I don't want someone
telling me lies just to make me feel better. Tell me the truth and I will
deal with it. And don't try to sheild me or shelter me. Let me make
my own decisions for once. Everyone seems to be trying to keep me
safe. They try to keep me from seeing things that I may be too naive, or
too sheltered to comprehend. If people keep doing this, then someday they
won't be there and the world is going to hit me full force. For once, let
me decide for myself whether or not I should see or experience things. How
can I grow and mature in any way if people keep holding my hand to cross the
street? Perhaps this is a slight tangent, but it ties in. Part of
the reason Jack walked away was b/c he thought I was "too good" for him and he
didn't want to stand in my way. You know what, stop. Let me decide
who I want to stand in my way. Let me decide who I think is good for
me. Arg. At least in Africa I will truly be on my own. I will
be allowed to face the difficult situations and I will finally see where I fall
and where I rise.

Male friend:

Protection... Ever since I've known you, people have been protecting you,
it seems like. But then again, you were always younger than the rest of
us, so maybe that was part of it. The same reason Jack was afraid to date
you is the same reason I've questioned my relationship with Jane. I mean,
she's so driven, motivated, and sets such high goals. I just never want to
stand in her way, and I've got such a spotted past, it doesn't compare to the
person that she is. But on the same token, she makes me want to be a
better person, I want to be more like her.

So the very protection that I want today is the protection that I wanted to be rid of seven or eight years ago.

The mess that is me

Somewhere something went awry. I don't know what, but I must have done something wrong. No, there is nothing tragic, everything is still mostly coasting along, but things just keep happening one after the other.

First of all I've been sick. I've had the stomach flu for almost two weeks now. It has beaten me to the ground. I have been depleted of all energy and all motivation. It has me fearing TTC'ing at all. What if I got sick like this again? I am the only income that we have right now. I am the only person who brings in health insurance. Just the thought of being pg makes me nauseous. It's terribly irrational since my pg with Handsome was perfectly fine, and yet I fear the unknown.

And then the past got drudged up recently. Nothing big, but apparently there are issues that I never dealt with. I don't like that feeling. That feeling of not completely having a handle on things. I've been running away from it for years and yet it keeps randomly coming back. It shouldn't affect me like this.

When I'm sick I'm not a nice person. Poor DH has gotten the worst of it. Problem is that DH handles it by not saying anything and waiting for the storm to pass, and I just want to stand in the rain until the clouds are empty. I may be drenched at the end, but I know exactly when the storm has blown away.

Right now I just want to be taken care of. I want to be held and rocked and soothed until I forget about all the problems that surround me. I want to be absolved of all responsibilities and to let go of every worry and every anxiety. I want to know the future and know the reasons for what happened in the past. I want the scars to disappear.

I almost feel like this may be the calm before the storm. I can only paddle upriver for so long.

Ironically? Work is going great.

Please, Lord, be with my family and I. Keep us healthy, safe, and content. Please guide my decisions in the direction they are meant to go. Please hold my hand and guide me on the right path. Please calm the waters and heal the heart. I love You.

My favorite sounds

Things that I love that Handsome says:

"Hold you!" - When he wants to be held, he holds up his hands and says, "Hold You!" Adorable

"Bubbles!" - When he says bubbles, he sticks out his little lips like he's going to kiss you.

"Thank you!" - When he gets his milk or whatever he wanted he always says thank you.

"You're welcome!" - When we say you're welcome he has to repeat it.

"Please!" - If his first request doesn't work, he starts in with the please...

"Mommy!" - He finally started regularly saying mommy a couple weeks ago. It sounds a little like mimi, but I'll take it.

"Night Night!" - He knows when it's bedtime.

"La la" - We watch La La Lullaby on Sprout at night. Not every night, but enough to where he knows when it's coming and says la la.

"I fall!" - He says this when pointing to his most recent wound, but also whenever he falls... which happens often.

"I got you!" - He got this from a game that he and DH play. He'll come up and grab you and say I got you.

"Kiss!" - When he wants a kiss he'll ask for it.

"Music!" - He takes after his father and always wants music playing.

Two Year Check-up

Handsome had a check-up today. He's in the 60% for weight (29 lbs) and 35% for height (33in) and his head is 95%.

Remember his vocabulary that was so behind and we had to go to extra doctor's appointments because of it? She said today that he is actually now advanced in his language. Yay!! She said he is very expressive. Yay! The other day I was reading a book that Handsome didn't want so he got out of my lap and walked around to get the book he wanted. When he came back he held the book out to me and said, "I got a book!" I even asked him to repeat himself a couple times cause I couldn't believe it. He's got over 100 words, but most of his words are in English and DH isn't too pleased with that.

And because I don't want to write again:

Handsome fell last night. About 20 min after I got home I took him downstairs so he could play on his new slide, but instead he chased after his ball and tripped and fell and hit the corner of the wall squarely on his little lip. It cut it right open. The blood was just pouring out and it scared the crap out of me. I picked him up and carried him upstairs so that I could get a towel and apply pressure. Then I left DH to continue with the towel so that I could call the pediatrician and ask if we should go to the ER. He said yes, so we got our stuff together and headed to the hospital. By the time we got into the car his bleeding had mostly stopped and his crying had mostly stopped. He was a little sad because I made him leave his bubbles (which is what we used to get his mind off his lip), but he just sat in the car and sucked his thumb like nothing had happened.

Of course we sat at the ER forever. It took about four hours for him to get two little stitches in his lip. They did well with the stitches though so I'm glad we drove to the hospital that the ped recommended (30 min instead of the hospital that is 5 min away). DH stayed with Handsome while he was getting his stitches, but the nurses didn't let me stay. They "strongly encouraged" me to wait in the next room because they had too many mothers faint and get sick while watching their children get stitches. I heard him screaming in the next room, and was pretty glad I left. I knew DH was there and that made me feel better. When they finished they brought him out to me and his little face was all red and the tears had left their little salt pathways down his cheeks. He said Mommy like he had been broken and put his arms out for me to hold him. Oh, my poor baby.

And me, under pressure? TERRIBLE! After I put the compress on his little lip, DH took over, and I went to call the ped... I had to go stand outside. I got all sweaty and felt faint. I had to sit in the fresh air or I know I would have passed out. How terrible is that?! I never used to be like this. I loved watching the Health channel and people going through surgeries and I would be the calm one with other people's children. I don't know if I've lost my edge or if it's just really that different when it's your own child.

Anyway, DH is letting him sleep in late today since he needs to heal and he didn't get to bed till after midnight. When he gets up, DH is letting him watch as much Caillou as he wants so that there is at least one day with no running and risking hitting that lip again.

OH Lord, either make me stronger or give me fewer injuries to deal with... and I prefer the fewer injuries option.

When Handsome wakes up from a nap or something touches his lip, he points to his lip and says, "I fall!" It's heartbreaking.

So the day after Handsome turned two, he got a tick under his arm that DH had to pull out and I took to the doctor to make sure we didn't have to worry about lyme disease. The next day Handsome fell and busted his lip and needed stitches. The day after that he broke the bottom stitch and opened up the wound again. ... Can we go back to 1 again??